The Marshmallow Ranch Gazette (Patreon)

Howdy, patrons!

Yesterday I celebrated my 38th birthday, which means in just two short years I'll be 40. I've never been one to fear getting older -- in fact, I kind of revel in it -- but there's something about that milestone that makes me a bit more reflective than usual around this time. When I turn 40, it feels like I'll be a true 'adult', though I'm not really sure what that means. I guess it means that I should have settled, found my career, determined what kind of man I should be. The last vestiges of adolescent flailing should have sloughed off by now, and I should have a solid sense of self. I should know what I'm good at. I should have figured out how to make a living on my strengths. I should finally be comfortable in my own skin.

Of course I know all that's bullshit. A 40 year old is no more put-together than a college student in his twenties or a young professional in his thirties, not necessarily. Especially these days, I wouldn't be surprised if most of us flailed through life without a clue what we were doing, right up until the day we died. You don't really figure life out while you're living it; you just get better at dealing with all the shit you don't know.

Still, I have an image in my head of who I want to be at 40. I want to be in the best physical shape of my life, but not in a way that means I won't shut up about Crossfit. I want to make my love of stories and books a core facet of my personality again, so that every situation reminds me of something I've read. I want to be comfortably old-fashioned, happy with my flat cap and flannel shirt. I want to be able to make other people comfortable, adept at putting people at ease in conversations. I want to write constantly about the things I care about. I want to stop having goals or making projects; I do the things I do -- cooking, running, writing, reading, meditating -- because I genuinely enjoy them, because they give my life comfort and meaning. I want to be content no matter what's happening around me. 

I'm already striving for that life and I have been for a pretty long time. But I've also been a lot less disciplined in that pursuit than I should be. There are, of course, a few different reasons for that but most of them come down to being unable to deal with my anxiety and all the crap that blocks me from living the life I want. Well, that and not taking to heart the fact that becoming the man I want to be means putting in the work consistently, day after day, without a lot of fuss or fanfare. You can only earn the labels you decide to identify with by making the small decisions that move you closer to them. You aren't just what you do. You are what you do repeatedly.

So that's where my head's at right now, re-aligning my focus towards being content with the work I've put in to be an awesome 40 year old man. This Patreon is a part of that work. So let's talk about "Crushing The Competition" for a minute!

Part two will be up this Thursday, August 9th. The more I write in this world, the more I find myself thinking about how you develop a society with such vastly different sizes and how that becomes a marker for status. Like, imagine internships that offer a size bonus on successful completion of the contract -- it'd work better than any letter of recommendation would. And since corporations are likely nation-states unto themselves, there's no government regulation to stop abuses big and small. Still, employees would be incredibly loyal to their company, since that's likely the only way they would be able to gain size. Unless…

It'd be interesting to write a story about 'stolen' size being used by a black or grey market, but that's beyond the scope of the story I'm trying to tell here. With Ralph, I want to put an ordinary guy in an extraordinary high-stakes situation to see what he'll do. It's fun, but also kind of dangerous. I share Ralph's apprehension about being up to the task. 

At any rate, I hope you folks enjoy the next installment. See you on Thursday, partners!

-Jakebe