The Marshmallow Ranch Gazette (Patreon)

Volume 4, Issue 5 - Tuesday, May 14th, 2019

Howdy, patrons!

It's been a rough couple of weeks here at the Ranch. After a number of poor reviews at the day job, yours truly was placed on a Performance Improvement Plan -- which is the corporate-speak for "You suck and we want to fire you." Even though I had been improving in this new positions over the past few months, it wasn't enough to avoid this step of the process. I thought it was, so the news came as a bit of a shock. So I've had to re-evaluate a lot of things in a very short amount of time. 

One of the most consistent complaints has been my writing style. I've developed a reputation for long emails, and according to management the longer the messages got the more prone they were to have errors slip in. I've been docked for unnecessary information in some emails and not enough information in others. I've been docked for issues with tone where I come off as a bit aggressive sometimes. And I've been docked for not quite following proper procedure. 

It's been a tough pill to swallow. I've built my reputation on my soft skills and writing, so to be told the thing I thought I was best at is a serious liability was a blow. At first I wanted to rail against the department. For an outfit that wants to be as straight-laced as possible about procedure, it can be awfully inconsistent with documentation. I've also found that there are a number of issues with judgement calls on edge cases, where it feels like I'm given the worst possible interpretation for my actions and tone. The job itself feels, at times, demanding and unfair. To excel at it, you have to build a high tolerance for abuse while also knowing which rules are iron-clad, which can be bent, and which have changed recently without being documented.

But ultimately, I had to reckon with my own faults and limitations. The issues I've had with knowing which information is relevant is down to ADHD, because in my mind concepts are connected inextricably. It can be difficult to know what's needed for someone to understand a process or company reasoning. But I also tend to overload information when it really doesn't help a situation. That's a habit formed in my technical support days, and it doesn't work as well with, say, a grandmother who doesn't even know how to tell which web browser she's using. And I had to seriously face down my flashpoint temper; I don't handle entitled behavior, rudeness, and aggressive ignorance very well and there are a lot of interactions with people who display that dark trifecta.

So, I've been working on improving my ability to do the job for a few weeks now. I'm taking a business writing course online to retrain myself on crisp communication, learning more from coworkers about when the rules apply and why, and practicing more mindful behavior to catch myself a bit more quickly when I feel myself getting heated. I've told myself that it's not that I take customer behavior personally, but it's hard for me to get past the principle of someone treating another human being so poorly out of frustration. Most of my coworkers are able to compartmentalize this, shrug it off and focus on working towards a solution but it's...a lot harder for me. Figuring out why and what to do about it has been a bit of a journey.

My first quality review on the performance improvement plan happens this Thursday, and it's impossible not to feel incredibly nervous. I feel I've made pretty solid strides over the past three weeks, but I've been consistently surprised by their judgement before and can't take anything for granted. If I get a Green rating, I'm relatively in the clear; Yellow, and that means I need to get a Green rating three weeks from now to keep my job; Orange or Red, and I'm very likely to be dismissed shortly thereafter. I don't know about you folks, but I don't have a whole lot in savings -- I can't be out of work for too long. But living where I do is not inexpensive, and if you're not in the tech sector it's a struggle to make ends meet. If I lose my job without another one lined up, things can get really hairy, really fast.

So that's why Crushing The Competition didn't update last week. :) I've been absorbing the unexpected blow of financial insecurity and managing it as best I can. Even still, part of my own improvement plan is following through on my projects; I need to learn to keep my promises when I make them. To that end, I'm working on the next episode and hope to have it up by Thursday. You'll know next week how things stand and whether or not I'll be able to continue or if I have to shutter the Ranch for a little while to get back on my feet.

I tell you folks often how grateful I am for your patronage, and I really truly am. You folks have put up with a LOT of flakiness on my end, and I'm so happy that you're sticking with me for some reason. I really appreciate it.

One last thing -- if you have a little bit of spare change rattling around, please consider donating to my page for the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk to Prevent Suicide. I'll be walking all night across San Francisco to raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, an organization that builds awareness and programs promoting mental health and understanding for professionals, patients, and support networks. My page is here, if you're so inclined: https://www.theovernight.org/participant/David-Cowan

Every little bit helps.

That's all this time, friends! See you on Thursday!

Sincerely, 

Jakebe