The Marshmallow Ranch Gazette (Patreon)

Volume 4, Issue 17 - Tuesday, September 17th, 2019

Howdy, patrons!

A lot has been happening around the Ranch recently! I've been settling into the new day job, which is an adventure to itself. There are a lot of challenges with the company; it's the "youngest" feeling start-up I've ever worked in. But I love the people, the camaraderie, and being paid! Honestly, it feels good to be somewhere it feels like I can really make a difference and put my stamp on things. Still, with the new job comes all kinds of new routines that I'm still learning how to deal with. Unfortunately that means the writing, as always, suffers.

I was also fortunate enough to attend my first retreat at a Zen monastery, which was life-changing. Shasta Abbey is one of the oldest Zen monasteries in the United States, started by an Englishwoman back in the 60s. There is a small group of practicing monks anchoring a surprisingly robust congregation, and they hold "introductory retreats" for folks to get a sense of what it's like to practice their particular expression of Soto Zen. It was a lovely space, with a lot of wonderful people, and I truly appreciated the time to deepen my practice and expand my horizons. 

I'm still absorbing the experience, but at a minimum it has encouraged me to find and join a sangha, work on formally taking the precepts for lay practitioners, and take Buddhism more seriously. I mean, it's not like I haven't been doing that before -- but I always thought of myself as more "Zen" than "Buddhist". Seeing the tradition of Buddhist thinking, lineage, and ritual made me fall in love all over again, and it feels like something bigger I can place my faith in. At the monastery, the rituals weren't necessary to worship a particular deity -- it was to remind yourself to move through the world with compassion and respect. You can do small things to remind yourself of your place in the world and your goal to promote kindness and bring enlightenment to everyone you meet.

That realization really helped me past the existential despair I've been feeling off and on over the past few years. It's hard to focus on self-improvement or any future plans when it feels like the world is falling down all around you. How can I put energy into saving for retirement when I'm not even sure civilization as we know it will be around in 25 years? What's the point of building good habits when there's a very good chance we may boil our planet alive within a decade? I've still tried to do the work of improving myself, but it's been so difficult because a lot of energy goes towards fighting that small voice of nihilism inside of me. 

What my time at the Abbey taught me is that each of us can only do what we can, but if we really dedicate ourselves to it, those good deeds are often more than we think. These are hard times, and it's likely they'll only grow more difficult, and yes we should acknowledge that. But we also can't drown in despair, and let ourselves be overwhelmed by suffering. If the world is too much, focus on what we can do in our own backyard. Even small acts of compassion can have unbelievably far-reaching effects.

For now, at least, the voice of nihilism has been quieted. I honestly don't know what will happen in the future; I can only hope to meet it with the same patient grace I've seen in these monks, honed by a lifetime of practice and dedication. While I can't join a monastery myself, I can approach the chaotic life of a lay-rabbit with that same spirit. 

Thanks, all, for listening to me go on about Zen and monks! I appreciate it. "Crushing The Competition" Episode 22 will be up on Thursday, and I hope to have the first of a few surprises for gourmet patrons a little later than that.

Until then, patrons! Take care. 

-Jakebe