The Marshmallow Ranch Gazette (Patreon)

Volume 5, Issue 7 - Monday, February 24th, 2020

Howdy, patrons!

The end of February sure snuck up on me; where does the time go? Another Black History Month has gone by without enough to mark the occasion, though I will be putting in a late-month push regardless. I'll have a bit of a spotlight on me through the Furry Writer's Guild this week, and I'm working to get a few other things lined up online and through the day job.

I'm still battling the Great Monster of Consistency, doing my best to put myself in a position where the good habits are easy and the bad ones are a little bit harder. It hasn't been perfect -- obviously -- but as a process I think things are improving. Every day, it's a little easier to do the thing that will bring me more delayed, but lasting, gratification; and it's a little easier to avoid doing the thing that brings me immediate gratification but hurts me long-term. There are a few little hacks I've implemented that have worked for me so far, and I'd like to put them down here.

First, I do my best to treat myself like the version of myself I'd like to become. This really helps me avoid bad habits -- like when I'm drooling over a piece of lemon cake or those candy berries in a store, I interrupt with the thought that "That's not what 185-pound David would eat right now." It's a weird thing, but it works: I think tying the decision in the moment to my ultimate goal puts the weight of the consequences top of mind for me. It's easier to walk away from temptation, and by doing so I move just a tiny bit closer to the version of me that makes those choices much more easily.

I've been listening to a few videos about stoicism on YouTube, and one of the ideas just stuck in my head as immediately useful: "The obstacle is the way." I love the idea of reframing our perspective around the things that cause us trouble. Instead of lamenting the things that make our goals so difficult to achieve, treating them as signposts towards those goals is a small but important shift that allows me to work with them instead of get frustrated by them. Working with my scattershot and forgetful brain to build systems that encourage consistency more often is a hell of a lot more fun than trying to change my brain to be more neurotypical about project/time management. Learning to see my weak spots as THE way to get better at the things that are important to me pushes me to work on them instead of doing my best to hide or ignore them. Facing the things that trouble me, with an attitude of recognition, equanimity, has been so helpful.

Finally, I do my best to forgive myself when I mess up. If I fall off the chain with writing, or end up spending the morning reading Twitter instead of meditating, I apologize to myself for making the mistake -- and then I forgive myself, moving forward to figure out how I can make it less likely for me to do that same thing in the future. Learning how to apologize for the things you regret doing is...hard, but so worth it. We all make mistakes, and we all do things that hurt others at times. By practicing the process with myself, I like to think it makes it easier to apologize to others -- and to forgive them when they apologize to me. 

That kind of self-compassion is so necessary in our lives. We're always chasing our goals and dreams, castigating ourselves for our failures and bad habits. We are too hard on ourselves. And those unyielding expectations for ourselves transfers to others, making it harder to forgive and forget. Repairing our relationship with ourselves really helps us to become more solutions-oriented about self-improvement, instead of wallowing in our own guilt and shame. 

It's a pretty big week at work, with the Black History Month event set to go for Wednesday. On Saturday, I'll be running a Pathfinder game, so that will take up a lot of my mental bandwidth as well. Still, I'm fully planning to have episode 6 of "Crushing The Competition" up for patrons on Friday. 

Until then, buckaroos -- have a great week. I'll see you later!