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My Hill to Die On - Swearing (Patreon)

Published:
2025-05-28 10:00:08
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Phil doesn’t like swearing! But will he die on that hill? And will Kaitlyn and Skye agree—or will they defend swearing as an occasionally necessary practice?

Comments

Pastor Bill Dodge

I think using minced oaths (like Judas Priest) are as bad or worse than using "actual" profanity. In fact, that particular one is a reference to Judah's Priest, I think.

Tyler Miller

My wife had a childhood marked by curse words being used to abuse so she is with Phil on this. While I almost never curse, I place it in the same category has drinking alcohol. I love a great beer or whisky from time to time with friends. But the reality is, it is literally poison and the are other things to do or drink. The power it has is intoxicating and fun sometimes but is that a good thing? I think the answer is not so straight forward and requires wisdom exactly like swearing.

Tiffany Carnefix

I hate swearing and never, ever swear but as someone who teaches English to adult refugees I have had to teach them the swear words so they know what to avoid. I hate this lesson and do it with a red face and a pounding heart but I realize that it is my duty to tell them the words that will get them in trouble in America. Most of my students are from Afghanistan and they or their husbands learned English from American soldiers who did not have the same standards as Kaitlyn's dad. Now their 4 year old children are dropping f-bombs on the playground and we need to teach them that this will get them in big trouble when they go to kindergarten. There are all kinds of ways to show people the love of Jesus and I do it by teaching refugees what the swear words are!

Misty McDowell

I agree with everyone....I think it can show a lack of creativity even off camera....sometimes I am like use your words and maybe you should learn some more!!! I also grew up with a Mom who swore earlier in my life, but later decided that it was THE sin. Even when my young adult children were young and she was around...she would always try to choose their friends for them in group situations by pointing out the kids who didn't swear and certainly said please and thank you even if that kid was clearly a bully and tried to control their friends. My mom's manners were reduced to not swearing, saying please and thank you and always saying hello to someone who talked to you even if you felt painfully uncomfortable all while spouting lots of "Jesus talk" and connecting it to her manners, but if we try to talk with her about how you treat someone beyond that or ask her not to talk about other kids loudly at my children's concerts and sports events, that fell on deaf ears and put me in some situations where I had to apologize for pain she caused other parents. So yes, please let's not use it like if they are taken away we won't know how to talk, but I hate when people set it above just being commonly decent.

Sarah Moore

Maybe my potty mouth and I should skip this one. 😬

Mike

As almost always is the case, I’m with Skye. Sometimes, in certain situations, there is nothing more appropriate than a well-placed swear word. In my case, that’s often traffic 😆

Carol

When I was younger, and thought the world was black/white, I had the same reasoning as Phil for not using coarse vocabulary. Now that I am older, choices require more than just black/white thinking. That being said, I’ve always found this video from Paul Tripp helpful. https://youtu.be/Uya9IXpwy4I?si=J7L6wDO9UfdqqRYn

Yakmanda

Yeah I'm with Kaitlyn. All bets are off when I'm in the car alone. 😄 But I do think it's more about how you're treating the people around you than the actual words themselves.

katie vz

In college we would use “Kelly Kapowski” or other Saved by the Bell character names.

David Rogers

Both my mentor and my Mom were strict about not swearing. My mentor, had me look up how many words were in the English language (600k or 1m depending on your definition) to encourage me to not use George Carlin’s seven. Easier said than done, so to speak. My cancer cohort inside and outside the church will use eff bombs, a practice that made reading John Mark Comer’s interesting for the leader who had a different health experience That being said, it is good to remind me to use combinations of the other 599,993 to 999,993 For those who need a Good Place list of substitutions: Fork Shirt Bench Ash Deck Cork

David Rogers
>>175384050

The great philosopher Calvin (of Calvin & Hobbes, not the guy from Geneva), would call his public library reference desk and be thwarted in his quest for swear words.

Lori

I’m 100% with Phil on this one!!

Aaron SirLemming

I've always been really Pollyanna about swearing. I've definitely slipped a bit in more recent years, but I still try to keep a lid on it, especially around others. I think the biggest harm that comes from it is uncontrolled anger. Restraining yourself from swearing is good practice for restraining yourself in general. But of course, too much restraint can be harmful too. And then there are the people who get hung up on the exact words, which is silly because different words become offensive over time. It's extremely cultural and dynamic and you can't just make one list of prohibited words and call it a day. Or see how close you can get to the word without actually saying the word. That being said, I have become fond of using Bluey's dad's favorite substitute word: "Biscuits!" I mean, who could be offended by that? It's so fun and nonthreatening that it actually decreases the anger rather than increasing it.

Chris McHorney

I totally agree with Phil. My parents never swore at least that I remember. My dad had some replacement words he would say occasionally. And I have very rarely ever sworn and I don’t think my siblings do either. If you’re just not around it a lot it doesn’t become a habit. Now that we watch it and see it on TV and movies a lot, I do find myself tempted to do it when I’m alone in the car like Kaitlyn. A word has slipped out occasionally here and there, but I think it’s that I’ve had more exposure recently.

J. Gilmore

I think Phil should have distinguished more clearly between using profanity and swearing, because Christians love to swear, but just with a whole host of other words. It's still swearing to shout "oh fudge" but we wouldn't call that profanity.

Allison Falin

I’m gonna have to be in line with Skye. Healthcare is so stressful and people can be so ludicrous that sometimes a look at a co worker and “what the he$$ just happened?” Is appropriate. Lord knows the patients don’t hold back.

Pierre Willems

Wow, the judgement, legalism and superficiality of this conversation really bothers me. Jesus himself swore, and so did Paul. What do you think “stiff-necked vipers” means? It’s literally the same as saying “son of a b#%^*@. Paul calls his sins a “pile of s&$@“. Those phrases on extra-biblical literature are rarely used and are the strongest words you could use in that situation. They are “strong language”. Judging and looking down your nose at people who swear and basically telling them that they are stupid and need to expand their vocabulary is more filled with contempt and arrogance than actually using a swear word, imo. Highly disappointed with HP on this one. Grow up a little. It’s ok to be adults and use adult language when it’s appropriate.

Jerry Madsen

My go to is “shipwreck!” It’s not profanity, but it’s close enough that you know exactly where I’m going with it, plus the added benefit of appropriate imagery.

Jerry Madsen
>>175389539

Agreed. Traffic - particularly Chicago traffic - actually requires the use of profanity in order to maintain focus and emotional stability. 😏

Jordan Morrow

My rule has always been to read the room. Would the people you're with be offended by profanity? If so, or if you're not sure, don't use it. As a result, most of the time, I don't swear.

Susan Barrett

Wow! For the first time in a long time, I'm disappointed. Isn't what comes out of our mouths to glorify God not to reduce our stress? Substituting our "feelings" for our "calling" seems to me to demonstrate the "pull of the world" upon our thinking.

Jennifer Kling

If you can get through a therapy session talking about your 11 years of extreme abuse and trauma without cursing, well then I guess you win a prize for being better than me.

Jacob Dacey

I was raised by "wash your mouth out with soap" style parents and that pretty much stuck; so it's super rare that I say even the milder "swear words." At the same time, though, it rarely "offends" me unless it's super egregious and out of place. I've even heard certain Christian podcasters speaking about deep theology slip in one or two words I wouldn't say, but I don't turn them off or discount everything else they say because of it

Kate Harris

I grew up in the 90's purity culture and swearing was also verboten, particularly for women. Then I went to grad school at a state university and heard curse words all the time. They lost their power. I don't curse very often for my own reasons, and because of that, when I do curse, there's an impact to those words.

Jacob Dacey
>>175399825

This. The deeper concept is that every word is, by definition, just a series of sounds meant to convey an idea; and it's the idea and intention behind what you're saying that matters. Yelling "screw you" to someone in anger doesn't tick the "profanity" box, but it's still "cursing..." while saying "f*#$ you" in jest to a buddy who wouldn't be offended is "profane," but, in some ways, not really cursing.

Michael J Mullins

My general opinion is that the ability to differentiate between wolves and saints by language is incredibly unreliable. The wolves have a habit of looking and sounding very clean and tidy. It's just not predictive.

Michael J Mullins
>>175419037

So I listen carefully to the one that's turned the air blue and hazy with words. Sometimes they might look foul and feel fair rather than look fair and feel foul.

Susan Sloan
>>175391375

I had a friend in the 70s who used to say, "Screaming Yellow Zonkers!" (Some of you boomers might remember this snack. ) 😁

Aaron SirLemming
>>175412479

That seems like a false dichotomy. Does reducing stress have to be opposed to glorifying God? Isn't it possible to do both at once? Granted, I am mostly on the side of not swearing. But I question whether God really gets significantly less glory when a Christian stubs their toe and says "oh s#!@" instead of "ah shucks!" I think fostering an overall posture of restraint is the important thing here. But we all have moments. Going back to the Trump example (sorry), the whole MAGA thing feels like it's about how restraint is for suckers. The profanity is a symptom of that, but the various evangelicals who are embracing that whole attitude without the cursing are every bit as guilty in my book.

Charity
>>175403766

I had the exact same thought! There are some situations in healthcare that "what the heck" or "oh my goodness" just aren't enough.

Dorothy Inman

I came from a church where swearing was a sin. My mom didn’t think swearing was right but she said crap. There were women who lead the youth group who thought crap was a bad word and couldn’t believe I said it. These same women said the most awful things about kid in the youth group in front of me, while saying it’s a sin to swear. My mom also told me saying “fruit” where she grew up was a swear word but it obviously isn’t one anymore. I believe swear words are relative. What one society may consider a swear word, others don’t but if you say certain things from America in other countries you’re cussing. If you look at the Bible and what Jesus said in Matthew 5:22 he said if you call your brother a fool you’re in danger of the fires of hell. You can call someone an a$$hole or you can call them an idiot and both things are just as bad. It’s not necessarily the words we used but HOW we use them. If you choose to not cuss, great. But don’t tell people who do they are sinning. It’s the intent of their heart. If I stub my toe I have no idea what will come out of my mouth, but if I’m yelling at someone in my family ( with or without swear words) I’m already in the wrong. And to the point about Franklin Graham - the issue is he’s drawn the line at swearing when Trump should have been called out long ago by him for the dehumanizing rhetoric he uses. The hypocrisy is sick. I’ve seen too many hypocritical Christians stand on the no cussing soap box when they are talking to or about people in a way that doesn’t value the image of God in them. I think Paul’s words about what your conscious allows applies here. If you choose not to swear, fabulous. If you don’t see it as a big deal, great. But also mind your company. Don’t swear in front of your 70 YO in-laws just to get a rise from them. And yes my 71 YO mom has admitted to cussing even though we were raised not to. I think it’s hilarious.

Clinton Dreisbach

My very favorite alternative curse is “son of a bee sting!”

Lee

I so agree with you Phil! My 11 year-old granddaughter noticed that my husband and I don't "use bad words" and asked me why. I told her pretty much exactly what you said—that bad words aren't necessary, that we need to think about what we're saying and choose our words well, and that when people say them all the time, the words lose their meaning anyway...but that it's a lazy way to react with what we want to say.

Lee

But Skye—is it a stress reliever when the words are used continually, every other word? I don't think so...I think it's habit and laziness.

Skye Jethani
>>175432603

I agree. And I said that. The research shows people who swear regularly get no stress relief from it. -Skye

Mariana

I agree with Phil and I firmly believe that the way we use (or don't use) words builds our witnesse as followers of Jesus. (People came to me and said that!) I also believe that the choice of what's considered "swearing" varies with time and locations. Words that shock Americans are pretty common vocabulary on the other side of the pond. But, to be honest, instead of trying to find substitutes (some of which I find really funny), I ask why do we need these words. what are we Trying to communicate that would require that vocabulary? They are unnecessary. We can communicate without them for sure.

Tim Maybray

100% agree with Phil. And I am glad he said it. I am a pastor, and I listen to other pastors who seem to take pride in their freedom to swear. I am unimpressed. I just don’t need to. And further, I am surprised that even in our culture, we don’t treat the F word like the N word. The F word is a violent raping word. Why do we tolerate it?

Dennis Beck

I’m with Phil on this one. I have always feared that if I die in a head on collision with a tractor trailer my last words might be “Oh Fudge!” (Not Fudge). God will understand … I hope ;)

Sharon Hiatt

I am completely in agreement with Phil! I can say plenty of words when I am stressed or upset without resorting to F or Sh words. I can't even use the word "butt" unless I am talking about News of the butt. I agree it shows a lack of linguistic ability to say cuss words. What I don't understand is why people continue saying these words. They are used so often nowadays that they have lost their shock value. So why say them? I believe many people use them to try to show how cool and tough they are...it is a self esteem builder nowadays.

Jennifer O'Connor

I am with Phil on this one! Glad he said it publicly.

Betty Hamilton

I completely agree with Phil. Swearing hurts my ears. I think it makes the person sound uneducated and/or uncouth. Thank you for bringing it up.

Lisa Gooden

I agree with Phil 100! Swearing is abrasive and offensive.

Amy

I remember getting scolded in youth group for saying “cheese and rice” when I was annoyed. But I’m with Skye and Kate the occasional swear word is fine. That being said I know I need to swear less. But honestly where do swear words come from? Why are they considered swear words?

Jerry Madsen

The next time Phil has News of the Butt, I really want to hear Kaitlyn say, “Ah, damn it, Phil!” 😄

Abby Westlund

Linguistically speaking the F word is one of the most versatile English words - it can be used in almost any part of speech and any part or order of a sentence, allowing for very creative swearing 😉 On a separate note I think there is a difference between words that our culture has deemed inappropriate and words that are used to put other people down

Tamra Weatherly

It is like Phil has been in my brain. I agree with him 💯%. The lack of creativity in media exhibited by use of F-bombs incessantly drives me nuts. I tell my adult kids: '"You don't understand-- it hurts my brain." One show that really drives me bananas is "Only Murders in the Building," which I have pretty much quit watching for lots of reasons, but here you have two of the most creative comic geniuses and F-bombs in almost every line is the best you can come up with? I also find using incessant swearing is showing a lack of respect to the people around you. Anyway, Phil you have my vote(s)--haha--on this issue.

Justin Strawn

Swearing is not a part of my everyday vernacular. However , if I stub my toe or hit a finger with a hammer, some swearing is going to happen. My son and I took a toilet we replaced to the dump, and it broke along the way. I tried my best to keep from grabbing it where I would get cut, but I failed. I let a series of “sh!ts” fly in the moment. My son, who is 18, wasn’t bothered because he saw the huge gash on my hand and was probably pretty thankful I made sure to get the part that might cut one of us.

Robert W

When was young, I grew up in a church environment where swearing was taboo. As a result, I avoided it because it would create guilt and shame. I was embarrassed to hear it in movies and sad for my friend’s (and favorite movie star’s) sin. As I grew older I continued to be educated in the church, but my environment shifted and I was encouraged to engage in independent thought, and I realized that swearing may be crass and over used, but it’s not always wrong. One pastor even when’s to Greek and Hebrew and shared how some words in the Bible were culturally offensive at the time. As we raised our kids, we told them that using swear words in and of themselves is not sin, but that there are appropriate times to swear and inappropriate times to swear. Using them in daily language is crass, but more judiciously might help make a point or relive stress. This is similar to how we dealt with crying… It’s okay if you have a good reason. Long story short, swearing was discouraged in our home, but not prohibited, and I think this was a healthy thing.

Andrea Cruz-Santiago

I really liked the closing idea that good language (no swearing) may not actually equate to a Godly character. However, I do think there is something positive in cultivating vocabulary that does not include swear words. If we give ourselves permission to use bad language on occasion, these words are more likely to come out when we are angry, hurt, or not in control of our emotions. It always saddens me most when I hear parents swearing in frustration at their children. I personally don't swear and even when I am most frustrated at my children, I am never tempted to swear.

Josh Wilkins

No joke, I'd love an entire front half of an episode about this. Most of it just puzzles me more than anything. What is a swear word? What makes a swear word a swear word? Why does it have power? Is that power "absolute"? Does that matter? What did Paul really say that we translate as "rubbish"? Personally, I think that it is often unnecessary, but it doesn't particularly bother me. I don't think there is any word that is 100% NEVER appropriate with no exceptions. I think that sometimes a swear word is actually appropriate to convey the gravity or degree of something, though these instances are infrequent

Josh Wilkins
>>175743964

And then (this falls under "What is a swear word?" and "What makes a swear word a swear word?") what about words like crap, screw, or shut up? Are those more acceptable? Why, particularly when it's meet to convey the same thing like crap, darn or dang, or gosh?

David B.

There's a whole history of the four-letter words we consider "swear words," at least the ones which have to do with bodily functions, and when they started becoming considered "bad words"--the Anglo-Saxon four-letter ones were not considered "bad" (and some showed up in medical treatises, and in some cases in the Bible--you'll note 1 Samuel 25:22 in older translations as a term for "men" being "he that [urinates] against a wall") until later. Some cultures also consider more bodily words to be "worse" and others consider more religious words to be "worse" as well. (Martin Luther used a lot of colorful bodily language...)

Joel & Sherri Cousineau

I have a sign hanging that has Proverbs 25:11 - "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." I've thought about taking it down, but now it stays with this nuance!

William P
>>175522267

To this point, the f-word has also become really ubiquitous depending on the social context. So while I don’t use it, or other curse words, I think it’s helpful to have a high tolerance for it, especially if you’re operating in secular spaces. I used to be a substitute teacher for middle schools across the district. Cursing was the least of my problems.

William P

So I agree with Phil. But one nuance I think should be mentioned is that I think a high tolerance for HEARING swearing (or maybe just tuning it out) has a lot of value. Swearing has become ubiquitous in a lot of contexts. If you’re not able to tolerate hearing it, then it inherently limits your capacity to interact with folks in those spaces where it’s common. I used to substitute teach middle schoolers. An f-bomb is nothing. And I’ve been in plenty of other instances where cursing is used casually in conversation. Like what was mentioned with Trump, it’s just not the highest priority.

Friend

Definitely have used swearing when very angry, BUT my parents did so it’s been a brain retraining.. however the relief factor discussed I get. I however think it’s when I’m most not in self control state which honestly points to not denying the anger, but the need to release it in a more spiritually mature way. I am able to restrain around my children so I know I’m not out of control entirely. I use substitute words (like “sugarfoot” I heard a teacher say in HS) for situations like in traffic. Overall I’m on the same page as Phil. It’s unnecessary and crude, I cringe inside when hear swearing. I’m also not at all surprised Kaitlyn’s father doesn’t swear. My high ranking Christian Air Force friends do not either. 😊

Da ve

I love the American Christian swearing replacement of "shoot" "darn" "freaking", sounds a lot like the heart is swearing and the mouth has been trained to use similar but different words as a cover, to make us feel better, when we aren't.

Jenna Porter

I agree that swearing/use of foul language is unnecessary.

Chuck S

Since you live within a short drive of Wisconsin/Minnesota/Iowa, I am surprised that you did not mention the universal swearing substitute, “Uff Da.” Perhaps this reveals a need for a good Norwegian on your staff. According to Wikipedia, Uff da is “ is a Scandinavian exclamation or interjection used to express dismay, typically upon hearing bad news.” Based on my experience, it can be used when you read something funny, when you’re at the end of a bad day, or when the car falls off the jack stands. The exact meaning of uff da is conveyed by the tone and volume used. It is also appropriate in response to any story involving Sven, Ole, or Lena.

Matt Hartzell
>>175404947

I'm pretty convinced that the degree to which Christians care deeply about cussing is directly proportional to how much they actually live in and embrace and invest and serve the world around them. If you're all up in your own very Christian subculture protected from the very evil world around you, you have all the time in the world to worry about A CUSS OH NO'S. Swearing is like, NOT EVEN ON THE LIST of worldly injustice we should be freaking concerned with.

Matt Hartzell
>>175391717

What is the point of this substitution list? The motivation of your heart is exactly the same.

Matt Hartzell
>>175440245

Better cross of the entire nation of Ireland off of places you ever visit then, since the word is used very differently there! And if the same word means something different in other cultures, sure seems to begs the question if we should be overly concerned with the same word here.

Matt Hartzell

I personally have a strong distaste for saying the f-bomb myself, probably because how frequently it was used by my parents during very traumatizing childhood arguments, but this debate feels so incredibly stupid to me. Whether to cuss or not seems like it should not even be on the list of things we're actually concerned about, as followers of Jesus. There are like, a million more fish to fry. And Phil's point about "swearing" vs "literary maturity" is a straight-up false dichotomy. I know it's hard to imagine, but you could have a large and rich vocabulary AND still say a cuss. In fact, you might argue you NEED a nuanced vocabulary in order to really understand when swearing is useful and appropriate. Some of my favorite cussing moments have been over on Voxology, when Mike Eerie is COOKING about some topic related to the American church and caps it off with "IT'S BULLSHIT!" Yes! I've almost jumped out of my seat and shouted during some of these moments, because IT IS EXACTLY THAT MIKE, YES AND AMEN, PREACH! The swearing debate seems so deeply intertwined with the Christian subculture that I suspect people who feel most strongly about it might not actually know anyone outside of their church.

Kay Cook

My Grandmother always said “There are so many wonderful ways to say things in English why would you limit yourself to four letter words” - I totally agree. Phil is right

Isaiah Washington
>>175902739

Tbh you might as well say it. Dang it or shut the front door is the same. Your heart is saying the same thing as well as what your motive to express. Your just sugar coating it cause of western standards.

Da ve

What about studies that seem to show a correlation between swearing, verbal fluency, and maybe even intelligence?

Krissyyyea Bottinow

I’m with Skye and Kaitlyn. My dear mother when she would let it rip, (very rare- think hitting her thumb with a hammer) she would say “Oh bad word, bad word, bad word.”🤣 To me the F word is profanity and should not be used. Versus s*** is sometimes simply the best adjective for the moment.

Shannon Lynch

I be using the F word on the reg. It can also be used as a way to describe excitement. Totally agree F bombs on SNL would be hilarious. Science has proven that people who swear are actually more creative and more intelligent. I also believe Jesus used swear words we just don’t understand them as our words

Daniel Moyer

I agree with Phil. James 3 is pretty clear that this “…should not be.” As Kaitlyn’s story shows, not swearing can be a testimony in our world. For we are to be set apart. But most of all, a reminder that Jesus had something to say about it: “But I tell you that everyone will give account on the day of judgement for every empty word they have spoken.” Matt 12:36.