With God Daily - Empathy is a Choice (Patreon)

This With God Daily devotional from Skye pairs with Chapter One of his new book, The World Born In You. If you enjoy it, consider subscribing to receive With God Daily devotionals in your inbox every weekday. Subscribe here.

According to Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff, authors of The Coddling of the American Mind, one of the “great untruths” widely embraced by our society is that you should “always trust your feelings.” The obvious problem with this axiom is that our feelings, while powerful, are not always an accurate reflection of reality, and trusting them can lead to very unwise decisions. Closely associated with this untruth is the view that feelings are uncontrollable. They just happen and are beyond one’s control.

When we take these falsehoods together—always trusting our feelings and believing our feelings are uncontrollable—then the call to be more empathetic seems nonsensical to many modern people. After all, empathy is a feeling. Feelings are uncontrollable. And if I don’t feel empathy then I’m under no obligation to act in an empathetic way. This is a very immature and profoundly unchristian way to live.

Brené Brown takes a very different view of empathy. Rather than viewing it as an uncontrollable feeling, she says, “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice. Because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.” She understands that while feelings cannot be conjured, we can cultivate the circumstances that give rise to them. We can choose to draw close to someone in pain. Likewise, we can choose to reflect on our own experiences and recall feelings from our past. These choices set the right conditions for empathy, and these choices take courage.

Applying this to Naaman’s story, we’ve seen how the enslaved Israelite girl chose to not reduce Naaman to a single story or identity. Instead, she chose to see him as a person, like herself, who was experiencing pain. This gave her the capacity to empathize, and she bravely sought to help Naaman by telling him about a prophet in Israel who could heal him.

But Naaman also had a choice. For a man of his position and power, it would have been understandable if had ignored the advice of a slave—particularly a young girl—far below him in status and honor. But he didn’t. Perhaps motivated by desperation, he humbly received her suggestion and bravely asked his king for permission to seek the prophet in Israel.

Despite the popular but flawed wisdom of our culture, feelings are not uncontrollable and empathy is not beyond our control. Empathy is a choice because we may intend to set the conditions for it to emerge and grow by not reducing people to a single identity, by moving toward them in their pain, and by having the courage to be vulnerable about our own.

WEEKLY PRAYER - From John Chrysostom (347 - 407)

Lord, let us pattern our lives only on those things that are worthy of being imitated. Not gorgeous buildings or expensive estates, but on those people who have confidence in you.
Help us to imitate those who have riches in heaven—the owners of those treasures that make them truly rich.
Help us to imitate those who are poor for Christ's sake, so that we may attain the good things of eternity by the grace and love toward man of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Glory, might, and honor be unto him with the Father, together with the Holy Spirit, now and always, world without end.
Amen.

DAILY SCRIPTURE

Hebrews 4:14-16

2 Kings 5:1-26

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