Upsetting Day: Jesus and my Gender (Patreon)

In 2022, a hateful dumbfuck and a guy who will draw anything for $300 got together to help define gender roles for Christian children. You either already know that's code for "translating transphobia into children's book", or you're about to be very surprised by man's capacity for darkness.

Jesus and my Gender is a sunny frolic through hate. It's a poem for boys who want to grow up to make video game sideboob their entire personality, or for girls aspiring to get murdered by their first husband. It is a foul document of artisan fanaticism. If a character found this prop on a TV show, they would instantly know they woke up in the wrong universe, and it would cut to a title card that said Hitler Babies.

I promise I'm not going to spend this article artfully outthinking the author's stupid religion. But I do want to mention something I spotted right off the bat. If God created male and female in His own image, that means He has titties. Checkmate, seculars win again. "Milk, milk honketh the titties of the Lord." - Genesis 1:27

The author begins with a "Vital Note" for parents about how silly it is he even had to write this book. And he's almost right. It's an absurd book. The message is "there are only two genders" which is contemptuously wrong, almost always right, and doesn't require an entire book to explain. In fact, we're all done here. If he had called his book Jesus Says Trans People Shouldn't Exist, the rest could have been 30 pages of fun trucks for wise Christian parents to color.

Most intolerance has a kind of disguise built around it to make it seem like it has a function. A lot of people probably wouldn't hate trans people if you framed it like, "Let's go hate trans people, fellow awful fucks." You have to put it like, "let's go protect the sanctity of one North Dakota high school's girl's swim meet ribbons." But I don't think the author of Jesus and my Gender knows how to do this. This is how a baby would justify its first hate crime. The closest thing he comes to a reason for this book's existence is, "some people might not be following the amendments we added to the Bible, sometimes in front of your kids." That's barely anything. At the risk of DESTROYing all religion ever, it's weird to think everyone outside your dumb club is supposed to know or care about your manual's errata. It'd be like protesting a local fire department for not adopting the Dungeons & Dragons 5e ruleset. It'd be like a Muslim writing a book called How Dare Some Children Have Ham Starring Haram Howdy and The Cheshmeh-Pahn Raisins.

We've already read this. See, the author is really only saying the one thing, so his intro is two pages of him shoving the words around on the same point. We've got to tell kids there are only two genders, citation needed, I swear I heard about this in the Bible, citation needed.

Let me be optimistic for a second. According to napkin math, every trans person has to be someone's first trans friend about 200 times. That sounds like a lot of educating to ask of them, but undoing the "good wheat" of this book is a quick job. Someone "indoctrinated" by Jesus and my Gender will have all of its lessons shattered after five seconds of any ordinary queer person gently existing near them. What I'm saying is hopefully people need a reason to hate, and this book offers none. It was written by such an evil dickhead he thinks hate is the default human setting, so he assumes telling you "boys do these two things and girls do this one thing" is enough to get you mad at anything more complicated. In fact, before we read his book, let's meet the author.

Dale Partridge is a Christian nationalist who sometimes says something misogynistic or spiteful enough to get attention, but that's a competitive market, so you probably haven't heard of him. And it's strange he's so concerned about the purity of sex roles when someone less than two steps up his family tree clearly inseminated a sloth. For a champion of binary pronouns, he looks like he identifies as donkey/man, and I'm not doing the one trans joke. I'm saying that his state-issued identification says his organs can only be used in farm animals. Dale Partridge looks like the third stage of a gopher Animorph on a novel called The Sex Pest. This is a mold Jim Parsons would find growing out of him on a space station. He has a birthmark that says "ha ha I really fucked this one up. -God."

Here is his backstory in his own words:

Dale's history of gangbanging, steroid abuse, and teen sexual conquests is obviously bullshit, but "Never left community born into and pickled into bitterness ages 0 - 39" isn't a very exciting backstory. Plus, Dale's Jesus only cares if you're gay; He doesn't give a fuck if you're a liar. And that's a lot of the appeal of this kind of hate. If being straight earns you points, that's pretty easy for most people. I do it every time I'm not watching an Antonio Banderas movie. The point is, Dale's philosophy makes you angry and unfuckable, but at least you go to bed knowing you have the only god and the best rac– sorry, I just realized I'm stalling. I really don't want to show you this book.

The first thing readers of Jesus and my Gender may notice is the children are very ethnically diverse. Almost suspiciously so. It's like Dale is doing a big show of how he's only the one kind of bigot. I'd say "good for him," but that'd be a crazy thing to say about a man writing anti-LGBTQ propaganda for kids.

You'll also see how each line of the book is based on Bible scripture. I think this was meant to add authority, but I have the Internet. I can fucking look up what Corinthians 11:7 says, and it's "A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God." So even if you gave this piece of shit the benefit of the doubt and considered the value of gender roles in the context of religious tradition, you'd find out Dale's ideas for a woman's place are based around men's hat rules from 1,970 years ago. And every line of the book calls to ancient, irrelevant head covering regulations like this. This is going to sound almost sacrilegious, but I'm reading it right now and I can't believe how goddamn stupid the Bible is.

I mentioned earlier how the ideas of this book and its author weren't very deep, but Dale runs out of things to say about girls instantly. We're only 10% into Jesus and my Gender, and girls have already gone from pure and graceful to pure and graceful. By the way, the two Bible quotes on this page? They're lamb recipes for a slave owner's daughter stoning party.

I don't think hating trans people involves a lot of education, so the only two things Dale Partridge knows about them is sex change operations, and I was lying about there being a second thing. He has a lot of vague rhymes about boys and girls not adding parts to themselves which, to an ignorant ass Christian child, must seem more like a caution against cyborgs or manbats than bottom surgery.

This is from the very next page, saying the very same thing. It's a little boy next to an anti-black, anti-mermaid sign proving he is free from any breast implants along with a religious poem about precisely that. I don't know what else to say about it. That is already at madness capacity. The quotes here, from the books of Genesis and Mark, call to Bible passages about when it's okay to create a mermaid, and how to make love to one, respectively. It's basically anything goes except mouth stuff, and you can't store her with dairy. Mark 10:6-98

I want to talk about the art for a minute.It seems like this basic bitch message of hate would be an easy thing to communicate artistically, but the illustrator somehow screwed it up. Instead of crossing out the misgendered bodies OR the misgendered heads on these pages, he put an X over them both. So rather than saying "don't be trans" the art is kind of saying "this way of thinking harms everyone with a head or body." It might be accidentally profound? Or maybe not, since I still have my online Bible open and all 14 of those cited verses are about Gentile foreskin shampoo.

from: bradsmithloves2draw@yahoo.com

to: dale@godseternalhate.gov

date: Sep 10, 2021

subject: crucifx question

hi dale, i had a question about the crucifix the kids are worshiping on pg 27. should the dead body of Jesus still be on it? Like, with blood dripping out of his foot from where it's nailed to the cross and everything? i'm worried it will look like they time traveled or maybe murdered a guy.

from: bradsmithloves2draw@yahoo.com

to: dale@godseternalhate.gov

date: Sep 14, 2021

subject: Re: crucifx question (resolved)

never heard back from you so I went ahead and drew the dead Jesus foot. it's fucking nuts god bless

Another thing about the art is the illustrator's default face is "mischief" which is fine when the kids are roller skating or hating queers, but comes across as sinister when they're at Bible study. Look at this family. This page should say, "Father read the Bible backwards, mahol becoming lo ham. Mother's remains woke up that night, God's plans undone by man."

Dale has absolutely run out of ways to say the only thing he had to say. When you're calling Jesus Christ the Designer of your gender, that's the last of your brain scraped clean. That's bus madman crazy. It's also not biblically accurate because I think dongs were invented before the birth of Christ. Unless the apologists were right and those penis fossils were put there by Satan to test our faith, and straightness? No, that can't be right because Philippians 2:10-11 says, "Yum, yum, prehistoric dicks!" Oh, god damn it. This book made me lose my mind too.

Dale says God gave women "a servant's heart" if you wanted something else to be upset about.

Dale Partridge is such a chauvinist even he sometimes catches himself being chauvinist. Boy readers get to hear about how they are durable and heroic and strong, and girls are told their gender, the servant one, is "nice" thirteen different ways. Eventually, Dale realizes he's not really selling them on womanhood, so he tells them, "your value is no less." Great save, Dale. Toddler gender reassignment surgery averted.

I thought it stood out as one of the more hauntingly strange moments in an extremely cursed smear on our civilization, but Dale Partridge liked the "Jesus designed my Gender" line so much he ended the book with it. It's meaningless, but also so wet with dog whistle. It's a sticker a priest would give you after a routine genital inspection. Fuck this book and the bigots who wr– oh, fun! A quiz!

Ha ha there was only one "answer" in this book and Dale tried to turn it into five questions. Dale, you call this a catechism!? There is not an age of child where these questions aren't fuck yourself stupid. This book opened with that creepy quote about how important it was to keep evil chaff out of children by filling their measures with wheat, and look at all this goddamn chaff. No one will ever have less wheat than this. Without the subtext of this moleman's anti-trans culture war, this page barely represents half of the first sentence you'd use to explain humans to a worm. I don't know how long Jesus and my Gender was because self-publishing bigots always forget to include page numbers, but after all of it, Dale's five question(s) for his readers are, "using only boy, name one type of boy." So good news, I guess, because the only thing Jesus and my Gender will inspire in victims of homeschooling is sarcasm.

And more good news! There's an ad for his other book! Dale Partridge, the twerpy hate nerd who sheepishly tried to bully trans people in a children's book, wrote a guide to MANLINESS. And I get these people don't have standards like you and me, but Dale Partridge looks like his face would crumble into pubic hair if he drank too stiff of a milkshake. Dale Partridge couldn't fill the secret tiny pink panties of a real man. You can't write a book on masculinity when you're the armpit of a liquid sourdough starter, and it's weird Dale doesn't know that because it's word-for-word Jeremiah 10:23.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Cuevas, who made a coloring book where all the babies look like Dale Partridge.

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