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Just like we do every year, 1-900-HOTDOG is taking the very best articles by the very best people and making them free. Just like every year, this is our holiday gift to you and the world. And just like every year, you and the world got us jack fucking shit. So make it up to us by spreading some of these free articles around, or sharing the entire free category of the site to your friends, family, and enemies you still kind of want to bang.

Teamworking Days are the most special of all hot dog days. Once a month, we join forces like a meat-based Voltron to make fun of something too mad to safely mock alone. Mockery works on the buddy system. This year we opened Teamworking up to exciting new combinations. No longer are we limited to Brockbaby. Now there’s Baby K, Buggneck, and even Sissynard! Collect them all, make them breed, become a god.

Detective Extralarge 🌭

Seanbaby and Merritt K introduce you to Italy’s hugest detective: Extralarge. Detective Extralarge is a sexual powerhouse who solves every case with trundling and bonks. He’s kind of a horizontal Jack Reacher, A bounce-house Sonny Crockett. Like if all the human mass of The Rockford Files was just one guy. And his theme song will kill you.

Ventriloquist Dream Date 🌭

What’s sexier than ventriloquism puppets? Don’t answer that. Unless your answer was their ventriloquists, which is wrong anyway. Seanbaby put together the hottest dating game in town, and Brockway adamantly refuses to play it. It’s simple self preservation. It won’t work.

Man After Man 🌭

You know what they say: The best revenge is article-based. In a misplaced act of vengeance for Seanbaby’s Ventriloquist Dream Date, Brockway put together the hottest dating game of the future with Man After Man. And Seanbaby plays the hell out of it. He’s all in on the branching evolution of these future hunks! Onward, to a time when man has become nothing but buns!

ASMRchurch Part 1 🌭 & Part 2 🌭

Dennard and Merritt K join forces to discuss ASMRchurch. The title is pretty self-explanatory, it’s your basic whisper church for AI anime perverts. Hey, the bible never said anything about anime sluts, crappy AI art, or sexy whispered sermons. It would, if they wrote it today. It would absolutely forbid all of those things.

Astaria Films 🌭

Brockway brought Seanbaby a perfectly lovely gift: A sadsack goth incel on a musical journey through the Egyptian afterlife with graphics rendered on a broken Speak & Spell. Seanbaby brought Brockway a gift in return: it’s an assbeating. Long overdue.

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Comments

Jeff Orasky

I noticed that the Dennard and Merritt combo was left out of the list of portmanteaus. May I suggest Merrnnard? I guess Dennrritt would work, too, but three sets of double consonants seems like we are just begging to summon some kind of eldritch horror.

Jay Vaughn

I love the new Teamworking Day combos and will not be happy until every possible combination has been done. And then another Liddy-Schmidty masterpiece.

Richard Orr

My favorite part of the best of articles is reading a synopsis of an article, thinking: "oh, i must have missed that one?", and clicking through to find out that my brain was trying to protect me from it.