Hot Dog Store: BIGFEETS Back to Basics (Patreon)

We got some stuff coming down the pipeline for you, but not quite yet. It’s a new year, so let’s bring it back to the beginning again.

Hell yeah, this week we take a look back at the classic BIGFEETS graphic. Careful, we are dealing with hallowed history here.

I took my dog outside to pee yesterday and it was 43 degrees. Some of you are probably like “Hey, that isn’t very cold! Don’t be a weenie.” And to you I say this: “I agree, it isn’t very cold, because I have a Classic BIGFEETS Hoodie to keep me warm. Suck it.” And then I did that DX suck it thing as I imagined our argument at five in the morning.

Next thing I did was go inside and make some hot cocoa because if I’m up at five in the morning, I deserve a little treat. And you know what? You do too. Even though you were a bit of an asshole back there, I forgive you. That’s the power of a nice mug like this. It has the power to heal. Maybe even the power to heal our nation. Won’t know till you buy one.

But you come in and say “Hey, I’m not some cocoa drinking nerd, 5AM means it is time to drink an adult beverage, something served in a pint glass.” You waggle your eyebrows at me for what seems like seven minutes before I offer to blend you a poptart in some orange juice. Somehow it is exactly what you meant.

After we drink our beverages, I take off my hoodie to reveal four incredible shirts I am wearing at the same time. You stumble in awe before pausing for a moment and holding your hand up to silence me.

“Pathetic,” you say as you begin to rip the sleeves off of your own shirt. Before my eyes I watch as I realize you’ve had the upper hand this entire time. You have the classic BIGFEETS tanktop, something I don’t have the muscle definition to pull off. You flex your somehow freshly oiled biceps at me and I fall back into my cozy cocoa chair.

Suddenly my wife comes out in her stylish women’s cut version of the classic BIGFEETS shirt and kicks us both out for being too loud. We sit in the cold January morning, watching the sun rise, and we know we are going to be alright. Nothing can get to us anymore because we have purchased BIGFEETS merch from the 1900HotDog online store.

We are free.