Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Upsetting Day: Collecting German Dolls (Patreon)

Published:
2026-01-30 13:00:16
Imported:
2026-01
Tags:

Content

They're collectible! adorable! They're whispering their names, but I can't hear them over the sound of their clacking lips! They're the incorrigible stars of Collecting German Dolls by Jean Bach.

It's not often a book crawls right out of my closet and onto my desk. "Clack clack clack clack," their doll lips said, far louder than the more meaningful whispers behind them. But I knew what they meant. They were pitching me an article. A classic list-style article with all the roasts and zings people love! So here we go with… The 20 Worst and Creepiest German Dolls!

Hold up, something is wrong. The file isn't here. No problem, I'll just retype it from memor– oh. I think tiny fingers have clawed it from my mind. This isn't like m– how could this have happened? Shit. Sorry, guys.

Wait! Never mind, I see what I did.

When I was exporting, I misclicked and saved it as a 1995 Whoopi Goldberg Sci-Fi Comedy. I don't know if Patreon can read .whp files, but let's see what happens. After all…

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Victor Malevankin, your number one source for Haircrime Tony's Baby Orgy Wigs.

You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM

Comments

Former Fish Farmer

I assume the Whoopi Goldberg movie was Theodore Rex? Fuck. I just realized that that came out when I was in college, not when I was a kid.

Skebotron

Everybody tag yourself! I'm the one that looks like God's suicide note!

Eon

Finally an article Whooopi Goldberg is legally obligated to appear in.

Talking Alpaca

So that's what happened to me when I was in space.

Jeff Orasky

Right until the last two pages, all the page numbers were sequential. There was no skipping around. A great touch on the insanity.

Mike Metzler

By the clacking of my lips, some eldritch madness this way slips.

FancyShark

No one writes madness like Seanbaby. Is it from absorbing so much insanity from books, videos, games and coupons? If so, then what sane person would approach such things?

Bonnybedlam

I wonder if the cats see my plush kitty collection as the same kind of unspeakable abomination that these dolls are to humans. It would certainly explain some things.

sissyneck

yes when i requested my medical records because what are they writing about me in all those laptops i was also listed as having a open mouth with teeth which my lawyer disagrees that thats legally actionable, but still probably lite bullying

Matthew Harris

The scariest thing is, I don't even think these are the 20 worst, I think they are somewhere in the middle and we are being censored from seeing the actual worst.

Call Cobbs

I feel like nobody should still be calling Germany “das Vaterland,” but especially not the author of a doll book.

Dylan Gilbert

Player SEANBABY has joined LYDIA’S DOLLFIGHTING COMMANDOS! BOOYAH!!!

Ace Hendrix

This is how I know Seanbaby is a better writer than I am: I’d have typed “Smooth Adolf” and realized I’d peaked. He kept on. He kept on. THEY WERE WRONG! WRONG ABOUT HONK! will live with me until I become doll.

Christopher Horne

You’re a loose cannon, Baby… but *massive draw on a cigar, far beyond the limits of human lung capacity* you get results. Speaking of results, I’ve just had the lab on the phone and… I don’t know how you guessed this… but there’s a 98% chance these dolls are the inhabitants of Billy Corgan’s personal Silent Hill.

Sebben

I'm Fartless Cleantodd and I love this website

drake godzilla

Joking aside the idea of a sassy cop movie where the sassy cops gets a crew of horrible things working for them does sound like a good movie

Chuck Nice

I thought man, "that looks like too much to read and it looks confusing" but then I decided to read it and it was really good. Nice job.

Brendan McGinley

Hitler promised to dominate the globe, but all he achieved was ending Germany's doll dominance of the globe. Coincidence, or something bisquemoredollnononotheeyesdeargodthosehideouseeeeyyyeeesss

Eric Rose

When you find something that brings you joy it is only natural to want to share it with others, but I have no idea how to share this. How do you explain this article to the uninitiated? My friends and family would stare, at best blankly, at worse with a deep sadness, unable to comprehend the humor or the horror. They would assume I was broken and I guess they would be right.