Nerding Day: Star Drek - Code of Honor (Patreon)

Beam down your expectations, Scotty; it’s time for another Star Drek!

Previously on this warped tour of the very worst episodes the Trek franchise has to offer, I presided over the death of The Original Series. The last episode-nail in the show-coffin was “Turnabout Intruder,” the one where some daffy dame imperils all the penises of the Enterprise crew (plus the burly men attached to them) just for her own hideous vainglory. Blaming women: where every man has gone before.

That means it’s time to start ripping apart my favorite television show of all time! Hooray! After this we can burn my blankie and assassinate the surviving Barenaked Ladies!

But it’s okay, I chose this. It’s natural. As video games culture has proven over and over again, the end state of every superfan is a hater. This is because once you’ve squeezed all the joy from something it becomes just a little spiky cinder of “remember there used to be joy here?” in a hand that doesn’t even seem like yours anymore…where did those LINES come from? What YEAR is it? I blame Star Trek: The Next Generation and women. Although it should be noted that one of the very first differences discernible in The Next Generation is a tweak to the opening narration designed to make the show explicitly all-gender. Instead of celebrating final frontierspeople venturing, quote, “where no man has gone before,” the ship’s new, more diplomatically-minded Captain says “where no ONE has gone before.”

I actually do remember my father explaining to me that this made Star Trek woke and progressive at the time, and being proud of the writers. Of course at that time it wasn’t called “woke,” but rather “nice.” Hooray for basic human equality…in space! That’s nice. And hooray for a nice visual effects upgrade, to both our exteriors…

…and signature Star Trek bridge crew shot.

Better, right? Like, objectively better. That’s kind of how that works - mankind progresses on various fronts (materials science, construction techniques, social systems, useful moral codes) and stuff gets demonstrably better. I bring this up because while it’s easier to see at the level of things like uniforms and warp nacelles, Star Trek has always been about welcoming progress with open hearts and minds, and truly progressing requires admitting to your own mistakes. To embrace change implicitly says “we could probably do better, and that is our goal.” So while the same assholes who brought us “Turnabout Intruder” are largely responsible for this show, I still believe they’re genuinely interested in the cause of expanding human rights. That’s why our Captain has gone from a Flash Gordon-type with a penchant for alien sex and fistfights to a Professor X-type with a penchant for no sex and comparative xenoarchaeology! He a goober!

Because all of human progress is mired by those who would drag us toward stagnation for the sake of their own comfort, Captain Picard is shadowed everywhere by a Flash Gordon-type with a penchant for alien sex and fistfights. He calls this man “number one,” because he’s as close to Picard as his own piss.

And lookee here, diversity fans! Instead of three other white men, the rest of the bridge crew includes a blind Black man, an android, and a lady! The lady doesn’t get a uniform or command privileges until season seven and her whole thing is “feelings,” but okay.

This episode I’m dropping you into isn’t the pilot, by the way, but rather the fourth episode of The Next Generation to hit airwaves counting its two-part premiere. This episode is called “Code of Honor,” and I promise you, it is NOT about how women are unstable, hysterical, and conniving. So, you know, don’t, like, tense up or anything.

I’m telling you, there’s nothing to worry about! “Their history” simply refers to the delegation of Ligonian aliens they’re going to engage in diplomacy with.

There you go, “highly structured.” They’re probably bee-people or something.

Okay, to be extra clear in case you’re listening to this being read aloud, I didn’t mean “B-people” as in “Black people.” Pretty sure racists don’t even say it that way, so there’s no offense intended. By me, I mean. I can’t vouch for the Star Trek writers who decided to send the Enterprise to Planet Africa on their third mission.

I guess colorism ain’t a thing in interstellar space - or shouldn’t be, surely - but it still seems odd that master-of-diplomacy Picard had Worf and Geordi at his disposal and instead took Riker, Troi and Yar to meet the Ligonians, right? Would they not have appreciated seeing an alien that somehow resembles them?

Eh, I’m probably overthinking it. It’s clear from Troi’s statements in the turbolift that they’ve studied this culture in advance, so I’m sure Picard knows who will make the envoys most comfortable. Heck, maybe as spacefaring cultures both sides already accept that culture clash goes with the territory and it’ll be an aspirational depiction of how planet-hopping renders petty structures like race and sex meaningless!

DUDE.

Fuckin’...I JUST - okay.

So we’re gonna have the alien race be a melange of African cultures and cherry-pick the ones whites view as “backwards,” right? But it’s okay because at least there’s girl power on display, is that the score?

Wow, I have this episode I’ve seen maybe fifty-five times pegged! And not in the good, “girl power” way of being pegged. In the way that I mean: brace for some race! -ism. Sorry, I tried to make it fun. I shouldn’t have tried to make it fun.

Hey, I’m not taking writing advice from a racist old sci-fi show! The apology stands. But because it’s my job that I gave myself, let’s power through the rest of “Code of Honor” anyway. That little box you see in Yar’s hands in the above image is a vaccine that the Enterprise has been sent to trade for. The Ligonian leader Lutan demands the technologically superior forces of the Federation nevertheless humble themselves and show respect according to the customs of the planet before he will release the rest of the medicine. Naturally, step one is to have the android bring him a porcelain horse.

This is presented to Lutan at the same time Picard attempts to draw explicit parallels between Ligonian culture and “an ancient Earth culture,” but it’s impossible to tell if he means China, some place in Africa, or a third thing. Indeed, he himself doesn’t know what century the horse is from, and I highly suspect they have fifty just like it replicated in a cargo bay for occasions such as this. It’s just “ancient Earth swag.”

Lutan is more fascinated by the whupping Tasha Yar just gave his guy, and asks if she might give them a demonstration of the holodeck’s combat training programs. In case it wasn’t clear that this is because of misogyny, they helpfully clarify that it is.

Yar agrees that she would be willing to hurt these men if they so wish.

The theme of this episode is “girl power at the expense of all other identities,” so Yar shames the Black men by showing them her mastery of Aikido over a holographic Japanese dude who can’t fight back.

She fails to remove her shoes before stepping onto the mat, because that would be a sign of respect. Then the writers have Lutan, the leader of an alien people with ships CAPABLE OF SURPASSING THE SPEED OF LIGHT, say:

We’re in bad shape here, folks. I’m not sure the normal diversity and inclusion platitudes are gonna be enough to dig us out this time.

Yeah, no, see, that’s not cuttin’ it. That’s nothing, Picard. “Friendship has made families into people who hang out in their free time.” What the fuck are you talking about? Anyway, the African/Chinese-coded alien leader kidnaps Tasha because his backwards culture demands it. (appropriative Italian-American Mario voice:) Heeeeeeere we goooooooo!

Picard hails the Ligonians but, receiving no reply, has to settle for what his empathic ship’s counselor Deanna Troi can sense of their intentions from orbit. These revelations include: CURIOUS. HORNY.

Picard, ever sexless, be like: “Why horny?” Troi all:

Picard go: “Ooohhhhhhh.” Everyone takes a commercial break to calm down, returning to an exterior shot of the Enterprise in orbit around Ligon that also doubles handily as the official logo of this entire Star Drek project as a whole.

I am too man! We’ve got blatant misogyny from the Ligonians, who are themselves racist Black stereotypes. I’m not sure what could possibly make this episode any more unbearable to muscle through.

Oh right, the subplot about the pipsqueak doctor’s son getting full nepo-baby treatment and some hands-on bridge training. Captain Picard eschews his usual “no kids” rule and orders Wesley to take a station, which leads to a nice moment of ableism to add to the parfait of intersectional blind spots that is this episode.

Geordi: “Uh no, but I’m blind sir, you got a problem with that?” So ableism, sexism, racism, the noble savage stereotype, beating the Japanese at Aikido with your shoes on, what else we got? Come on Data, hit me!

FUCK YOU DATA! Hey. Fuck you. We don’t need to bring Native Americans into this until Wesley’s ready to graduate out of the show. Let’s not lose focus.

Thank you, Commander Riker! Yes, exactly - devious. “Devious” is the precise adjective I was fishing for, due to its very specific history of being used to dehumanize other races. Lutan is deviant. He has deviated from the cultural norms of…you know, the whole galaxy I guess…and we must beam down to educate him on how polite interstellar society comports itself.

Lutan is quick to point out that the Federation is not actually the arbiter of right and wrong universe-wide, and is generally bound to honor the myriad cultural and legal traditions of the planets they hope to trade with. In this case, his kidnapping of Yar has precedent among his people as a way to exert and shore up political power.

Troi equates theirs to a rigid honor code, and Lutan agrees that’s the most accurate description.

It’s at this point a small shriek can be heard in the background as Michael Dorn rips off his forehead prosthetic in a rage. Tasha comes out and is revealed not only to be safe and sound, but also avidly beating her captors. Girl power!

Girl power!!

Some time later, Picard shows the respect demanded by Ligonian custom by asking for Yar’s return at a public ceremony, only to be double-crossed when Lutan himself breaks with tradition by insisting he will take Yar as his new “First One,” or primary wife/consort. This doesn’t sit well with the Big Dog (ie, his current primary wife/consort).

And at last we’ve reached it: Girl Power so powerful it turns on the other Girl Power to cancel out, thus leaving the men unchallenged! YAY!!!!!! In accordance with Ligon law, a big public deathmatch is planned between Yareena, Lutan’s current First One, and Lieutenant Yar. That’s right - Yareena. The writers sat around trying to think of a name for Yar’s opponent and landed on “the Smurfette Strategy.” Picard’s totally bonkers reaction after trying and failing to call the match off is to accuse his own officer of “wanting this to happen,” and use his empath Troi to really put the screws to her when she demurs.

The result is a scene between two women that reads like it not only wasn’t written by women, but wasn’t written by any human being who has ever lived or been in a real-life situation. Still though…roles for women! Two of ‘em! Three if you count the discarded chick!

Troi tricks Yar into admitting she’s horny for Lutan. Nothing comes of it, it changes nothing, and as long as I live no one will satisfactorially explain to me why this scene’s here. The next time we see Yar she’s agreeing to the fight as ordered by Captain Picard, so whatever she was supposed to “think about completely and clearly” just comes off as an excuse to mentally undress and humiliate her at work. Kind of wild that if you serve on the Enterprise there’s no HR rule that says the psychic counselor can’t tell the Captain who makes you horny.

Picard decides to try and nip the problem in the bud the way he usually does, by talking it out. So far this episode his diplomacy has pretty much sucked space-butt, but that’s more a product of the lousy script than the series-wide vision for the character. Just trust me; he’s supposed to be a master diplomat and manipulator of men, as we now see evidenced by the way he pretends to also be sexist to divine Lutan’s ulterior motives.

It’s a tactic that presupposes Lutan - the leader of a whole planet of Black folks - is selfish, lying, gullible, and dumb. Works like a charm!

In fact, Lutan is also poor, and hoping the Federation-trained Lieutenant Yar will overmatch Yareena in the ring, killing her so he can claim family wealth he couldn’t otherwise secure. It’s unequivocally evil, and I’m sure the Star Trek team of the era would defend themselves by pointing out that you can’t always extrapolate one character who happens to be of a certain ethnicity into a larger statement about the culture depicted. I mean, these are aliens! They’re Ligonians. Sure, that may SOUND a lot like “Libya” or “Gabon,” but it’s not; it’s a whole different planet.

However.

That said.

Everyone we ever see on Ligon is Black and talks with a pan-African accent.

They all wear African-style clothing, live in stone buildings built in a primitive style, and clack sticks together to show when they’re excited.

We never see a single spaceship even though it’s explicit Federation policy only to trade with warp-capable species, and as noted the Ligonian delegation treat hologram technology like indigenous tribespeople are often said to have treated cameras.

Which is silly, because we all know the real technology that steals your soul is social media. Anyhow, Picard orders his officer to execute Yareena. Dude needs that vaccine!

This is unusual behavior from Picard, even this early in the series, and Geordi and Data are quick to call him out about it. I don’t have time right now to get into how monumentally crummy Data’s sense of humor is, but suffice to say he numbers every “human joke” he’s ever heard.

Since the whole point of Data’s character is that he’s “not yet human,” this is the cultural equivalent of walking around with a numbered collection of Jewish jokes and insisting you’re “gonna convert soon, but hey, listen to this one - !” Not to be topped, Picard finally lets loose with an overt tirade against Ligon’s primitive customs, which again, are NOT to be compared to any real Earth cultures except possibly the “ancient one” he previously said “we all admire.” You know, “admire!” As in calling the tenets of their society “pompous, strutting charades.”

If Yar wins the fight and kills Yareena, Lutan promises to let the vaccination program proceed. Pressed by their desperate need for the meds, Picard seems to go along with the plan. He has Data and Geordi inspect the ritual weapons, which they report are coated in poison and extra-light, presumably because women are weaker than men and also toxic, am I right fellas? Still, fun to have sex with.

Speaking of women as sexual objects, we get a FOLLOW-UP to a scene itself already so needless I’m compelled to express my surprise that it got a follow-up ALL IN CAPS. Fucking DATA CHECKS IN WITH YAR ABOUT HER LATENT AROUSAL AGAIN!

WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?! WHAT IS THE GOAL, WRITERS?! If it’s to highlight how much Data has left to learn about what it means to be human, maybe start by having him learn about privacy and boundaries before he digs into whether his crewmate subconsciously wants to bang the alien head of state that has sentenced her to trial by combat.

Anyway, they do a trial by combat.

There’s a lot of flashy leaps, flipping around neon poles, and swiping uselessly at one another with big spikey gauntlets designed to make it look like a LITERAL CATFIGHT. Claws out, ladies!

After VERY casually killing a dude in the audience who doesn’t seem to mind that much…

…Yar prevails, stabbing Yareena with a poison-tipped claw and then shocking everyone by beaming both herself and a dying Yareena out of the ring! It’s so exciting you almost forget everything about this episode is embarrassing and a disgrace to the overall goals of the project!

With Yareena seemingly dead, Lutan agrees to let the Enterprise crew beam the vaccine crates aboard, at which point Picard reveals his own devious/obvious plan: he’s had Dr. Crusher use science-magic to revive Yareena even though she WAS technically braindead at one point! Haw haw! Lutan protests, as well he might.

In other words, Picard used their superior technology to make a mockery of the spirit of Ligonian law. This happens to have been the exact reason they said they couldn’t simply overpower Ligon’s defenses and beam the vaccine aboard by force at the top of the episode, but since forty minutes have passed the writers expect you to have let that detail slip from your active memory. The important takeaway is that Captain Picard isn’t racist per se…he just ran circles around this one particular Black dude because he sucked. Picard still has total respect for China or Africa’s 18th or 14th Dynasty or whatever.

According to Ligonian custom, Yareena keeps all her lands and power and transfers them to Lutan’s right-hand man Hagon, with whom she’s clearly been having a convenient emotional affair for years anyway. It all works out nicely.

In fact, Lutan himself calmly accepts his new reduced role as the Riker to Hagon’s Picard. The Ligonian delegation tries to hang on to this peaceful transition of power as a small sign of their culture’s civility, but the white lady takes it away.

Then they blast outta there! Zooooom!

But don’t worry, Tasha Yar gets hers and then some. To find out more about all of Tasha’s awful dooms (there are several), support this Patreon! To find out more about all the worst Star Trek episodes ever made, look for more of my rants here or on any number of street-corners across this great nation.

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Gellaho, a person created without a soul with the sole purpose of getting wrecked in aikido.

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