Nerding Day: Flame On🌭 (Patreon)

The 1994 Fantastic Four cartoon was fucking weird. Created by perverts for nobody, it is remembered chiefly for the absence of Magneto's magnet-powered hovercar from the 1978 series.

Fantastic Four: The Animated Series never got a tie-in SNES game or even a lousy CD-i lightgun movie ala Thunder in Paradise. What it did get was a Choose Your Own Adventure-style novelization.

A copy of this book was thrust into my hands by a withered old woman outside a Circle K last weekend. She told me to write about it for my 1-800 HOT DOG column, and I said that it's actually 1-900, we're a pay number like Hulk Hogan's Hotline and Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends. But she was already gone. As I stood there, faded book and Takis in hand, a voice on the wind cackled like the opening of a Dark Souls game for a full twenty minutes.

I've already accumulated like six different curses from various amulets and tombs, so I don't want to risk another. Here, then, is a readthrough of Fantastic Four: The Animated Series: The Interactive Adventure Book.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KB6M0dxWDOo

This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Brockway FAMOUSLY Loves the Meat Milly, who hates the fantastic four and asked that they be referred to as the fartasstic four.

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