Hot Dog Store: 808 Beats for an 8-Bit Hot Dog (Patreon)

Ok I don’t have an 808, it is just the date and I wanted to be clever.

What I do have is an appreciation for a simpler time when we didn’t need fancy polygons and ray traced dick physics to appreciate a game. All we needed was 8-bits and neglectful parents.

Look at these bad boys. We’ve got the shirt available in all the traditional colors of classic gaming, from italian plumber red to homicidal klepto cyborg blue, and even the yellow one your mom bought because the other two were sold out. My favorite!

But pixels were never meant to remain trapped on the flat prison of the human torso. They yearn to wrap around glassware. You’ve got your own side-scrolling drinking experience here! Rotate the glass to explore new meats, and drink your favorite drink every time you get back to the beginning. Rinse and repeat! Change the liquid each time for an authentic roguelite experience.

Finally got that wall patched up after last week. It’s fine, I don’t think anyone notices.

The game may die. The shirt never will.

The KUMITE The Home Game shirt commemorates the greatest fighting game never released, based on the greatest underground martial arts tournament nobody can prove happened, as remembered by men whose documented combat records become more impressive every time a document disappears. It remains locked in the PoxCo Vault because allowing this much unverifiable martial arts history into general circulation would destabilize several governments and at least one kickboxing discord.

Put it on. Point at something far away. Tell everyone you once shattered the bottom brick without disturbing the bricks stacked on top of it. If anyone asks how, tell them you can’t discuss Hong Kong.

And while we’re discussing brave men performing impossible feats in locations that cannot be independently verified, The Secret Men Duxcast is happening right now. Listen wherever you receive podcasts or coded instructions from the CIA.