Hot Dog Store: Mission Accomplished. Please Exit Through The Gift Shop. (Patreon)

Well shit, we made it to the end of Mountain Monsters.

Let’s buy some shirts!

Look at these boys. So much hope. So little idea how much of their lives would be spent discussing piss. The original BIGFEETS art is on a classic shirt, women’s cut, hoodie, tank top, mug, and pint glass. Dress for the Mountain Monsters finale, and pour yourself something nice.

BIGFEETS OF FUTURE PAST takes us back to a simpler time, before we understood how many Shaqs a podcast could contain. There’s a classic shirt, a women’s cut, and a 24×36 poster. Get the poster and spend the rest of your life pointing out details to guests who have already put their coats on.

Sgt. Bigfeet’s Lonely AIMS Team Band is playing the wrap party. Classic shirt, women’s cut, 18×24 poster. I want everyone wearing this to stand outside the venue shouting for an encore until somebody explains that the venue is my house and the band is a drawing. You can still buy a shirt on your way out.

Backyards & Bigfeets gives us a classic shirt, a women’s cut, and an 18×24 poster full of adventurers who absolutely should not be allowed to make decisions. If you’re wondering what to do until January, get some friends together and roll up a Wood Elf Pissmancer, then have a long argument about whether a butterfly net counts as a weapon.

BIGFEETS Yokai has a shirt, a women’s cut, and a poster, all featuring a version of the AIMS Team I would somehow trust even less. Look at them! I’ve seen this thing a hundred times and I still want to stop strangers and show them. That’s why I need the shirt, the poster is a pain in the ass on the bus.

A-Pop Bigfeets Hunters has a shirt and a poster, because the Appalachian Honmoon still needs reinforcing. We can’t just leave Jeff in charge of the whole piss barrier. The man has other things to do. Probably. Buy some merch and do your part, I don’t want to have to bring this up at the next meeting.

Our ride to the next era: Riders of the Golf Karts. Get the shirt or poster, climb aboard, and ride majestically toward the sunset at a speed that lets someone catch up to return your forgotten sandwich. We’ve spent a lot of time in these woods. We can take another twenty minutes getting out of the parking lot.

Thanks to Seanbaby, Brockway, and Jason, and to everybody who made it through Mountain Monsters with them. One show down, three to go. That’s the kind of pincer movement I like to see.

Now go enjoy Episode 83. If anyone needs me, I’ll be drinking from two different BIGFEETS containers and trying to grow a third hand before January.