Learning Day: Exo-Vaticana, Part 4 (Patreon)

Well, everyone, I'm sorry to say our journey has come to an end. As conspiracy theory writers and flashers both say, all has been revealed. If you didn't read the first three parts of the series, here's a quick catch up that I permanently affixed to my wall:

Alright, now that you're caught up, I've got insane news. Almost no new information is revealed in the fourth part of the book. Part three was this huge insane info dump of stuff about Tom Horn's family members' alien experiences, so when part four rolled around, I was expecting all of that to connect somehow to the Vatican. It doesn't.

Chapter seventeen goes out of its way to provide proof that there are alien structures on Mars and then says that demons created those structures to make the idea of aliens more plausible to us so when aliens show up, we'll stop believing in God. This seems like a lot of unnecessary work for the demons. I feel like most people would worship the devil for a free Playstation 5. We don't need an entire pyramid of deception. Just keep chilling in Hell and looking good on tattoos, demons. That'll probably do it for most people.

The evidence for alien artifacts on Mars is some blurry photographs and an interview with a guy who believes in aliens, not demon aliens. The presence of a possible pyramid on Mars is evidence that the demons planted fake alien structures both on Earth and Mars to further confuse humanity into thinking aliens had something to do with our origins. Keep in mind the author's big issue with aliens being involved in the creation of humans is that it would unite everyone under one religious ideal, and people getting along is the apocalypse!

I've seen a lot of comments from people who were excited to find out what project L.U.C.I.F.E.R is, and I was right there with you. I love a good acronym. It could stand for anything; Lethargic Unicron's Can Ingest Fear, Exactly Run! Lucky Ukulele Cannon Is Fully Energized, Really! Lumberjack Ulcers Carry Infectious Flapjack Emission, Right?

What it does stand for is basically nothing. They mentioned the L.U.C.I.F.E.R telescope in part one and claimed it belonged to the Vatican, which it doesn't. It's housed in the same observatory as the Vatican's telescope, but it's not the Vatican's telescope, and they didn't name it that because it's not theirs to name. But in the opinion of Exo-Vaticana's authors, this is the foolish way the Catholic church accidentally exposed how they are Satanists in disguise. Even though naming your big telescope after Lucifer would be a pretty explicit confession if you were actually a Satanist in disguise. It would be like if I claimed to hate One Direction to the man tattooing Harry Styles' face onto me.

I assumed that something else called project L.U.C.I.F.E.R would come up, and it never does. There's no project, just a telescope with a name shortened to LBT or the Large Binocular Telescope. These Horn and Putnam guys think they're geniuses who've cracked a worldwide conspiracy when they're absolute morons who've gotten one easily googleable fact wrong and written a six hundred page book about it. I am furious.

If Catholic.com is telling you to relax, you probably need to relax. They're not known for being a relaxing website. I'm sure they would love to find a way to get upset about this if possible, but it isn't. I think part of the reason Horn and Putnam chose to willfully misunderstand this fact is so they can really hit you with the last paragraph of the book.

It's obvious to all now! They're congratulating themselves for presumably convincing you that they were right since you made it all the way through the book, and why would you do that if you disagreed with them? What actions can you take now that you know the pope is evil? Why, buy more of their books, of course? That is, buy them in the very narrow window we still have before the 2013 rapture and alien savior reveal. They're all super thick books; maybe you can throw them at the aliens?

I skipped ahead to that bombshell last paragraph because most of section four reiterates stuff from section two, with a bit thrown in about their last successful book Petrus Romanus: The Final Pope Is Here, which was released a year before this one. So somehow, these guys managed to write a "well researched" six hundred paged book in less than a year. I'd say that sounds almost magical, but any mention of magic will get me abducted by aliens. Wait, demons? I'll have to check my notes.

Petrus Romanus is about a secret scroll in the Vatican archives containing a prophecy from Saint Malachy that predicts one hundred and twelve popes until the antichrist arrives with the final pope named Peter The Roman. The authors of Exo-Vaticana think the last Papal Conclave, or as I like to call it, Pope Fight, was especially intense because everyone knew that according to Saint Malachy it was almost the last pope, so they were fighting over the popehood like it was the last slice of pizza in the pope box.

The thing is, pope fights are always intense, and in fact, the prophecy of Saint Malachy is widely considered to be a piece of election material for a cardinal in the 1590s who was going after the big hat. Which, I can't really blame him for, it's a great hat, and according to the Catholic church, if you wear it, you're literally infallible and God's voice on earth. Which is also fine, I guess.

The pacing of this book is so weird and the only real, new observations they make are in chapter one when they visit the VATT telescope and chapter 3 when they talk about Tom Horn’s poor sister whose milkshake brings all of the aliens to their yard. This book goes out with a real fizzle. I was expecting some kind of big revelation at the end but there isn't one. I feel like I went on a bad date with a guy who monologued to me about demons for twenty hours and then died of brain-gave-up.

In the last article, I promised an update on what Tom Horn and his co writer Cris Putnam are doing now. They were part of some sort of alien news network that ran from a website called survivormall.com that's mentioned several times in the book. That URL now redirects to SkyWatchTVStore.com, which looks pretty much how you would expect it:

Want to hear about the death, burial, resurrection of antichrist? Well, you can! And in the same place you can buy essential oils, get a gas mask, and sponsor... a pony!? It's a Walmart for people who only believe in news that comes straight from Tammy2A_ComeAndTakeIt🔫

, who saw it on Facebook.

I thought the "Sponsor a Pony!" tab was strange, but the ponies are therapy ponies for children who've been abused, and there's a big thing on the sponsor a pony page about how prevalent child abuse is that seems a little QAnony to me. That's unsurprising because, of course, the only thing SkyWatchTV loOooooOOOOooOOves more than the antichrist is Trump.

You've heard of the deep state? Well, SkyWatch TV is so right-wing it believes in the Deeper State.

Their book collection also includes a couple of weird books that I will call porn parodies for Jesus. They seem to take a popular mainstream story and shoehorn Christianity into it instead of hot people doing it.

SkyWatchTV is available on Roku, and it's described as "a new paradigm in Christian broadcasting: Investigating prophecy, discoveries, and the supernatural from a biblical worldview." Thomas Horn isn't the main SkyWatch personality, but he's front and center in a picture promoting their upcoming October in-person conference with mandatory face touching for people who are absolutely not vaccinated.

He's also mixed up his grift a little bit. The aliens stuff is on the back burner, and now he's shilling a story about how he died in his sleep in the '90s, and God spoke to him to deliver a prophecy about a comet that's going to destroy the earth. God also told Thomas Horn that he's super sorry he had to make his penis so big and functional.

Every couple of years, this guy delivers a new end of the world theory to try and panic people into buying something. It used to be his books; now it's also fermented turmeric and CBD tinctures.

Cris Putnam died in 2017, so no real update on him. His last book was published in 2015 and it was a collaboration with Thomas Horn called On The Path Of The Immortals: Exo-Vaticana, Project L.U.C.I.F.E.R, and the Strategic Locations Where Entities Await The Appointed Time. Maybe that book finally reveals what project L.U.C.I.F.E.R. is? I don't know, and I'm completely unwilling to look into it! This book has broken me.

I feel like people either really loved or hated this series, so if you loved it, you're welcome! I did it all for you. If you hated it, so did I sometimes!

What I love about Hotdog is the freedom Sean and Brockway and you, the readers, give me to experiment, and I want to make sure I take advantage of that and do things I never could do on another website, like write four articles about one enormous book! In the end, it felt like the kind of experiment you do as a kid where you eat three full bags of gummy bears and see if you poop yourself to death, but I didn't poop myself to death! However, I'm now convinced demons are too busy listening to metal and appearing on badass tattoos to build pyramids on mars to convince us that aliens are real. It's obviously the lizard people who are doing that.