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Good news, men! It’s me, 1900HOTDOG’s man expert, Lydia “Shark Punches” Bugg. I’ve finally done it. I’ve found a book that makes it ok for both veteran and novice men (which is what I call babies) to do yoga!

Yes, all babies are novice men. They are bald and round, and they either grow into veteran men, or they fail. I originally picked up Real Men Do Yoga because I’m constantly seeking ways to identify fake men, vampires, robots, etc. I saw this book and thought, oh, this is great. Now, whenever anyone says, “I’m a real man!” I can just reply, “prove it-- do a backbend!”

Unfortunately, Real Men Do Yoga has nothing to do with vampires or robots. I know I’m just as disappointed as you are. Still, I thumbed through it, and there’s some pretty good advice on how to do yoga without harming your eXXXtremely fragile masculinity.

To help explain Real Men Do Yoga for you, I wrote a commercial for the book that will make you feel a rainbow spectrum of manly emotions from angry to horny. It would cost about fifty-five million dollars to produce, but other than that’s perfect. Any scans added to this will flash on the screen for about a minute or so. The commercial will be at least fifteen minutes long, maybe a half-hour max.

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If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM. 

Comments

Intillectrician

The moment Wedge revealed he had a stake, I knew I was home.

Dan B

I miss read the title and got real excited thinking there's a 21 star system athletes use to rank themselves. Like, stopping at 5 stars is nowhere manly enough.

Jeff Orasky

You need to Kickstart that commercial right now.

FancyShark

I instinctively flinched at Lydia’s nickname until I remembered that every time she punches, it summons a shark to add to her combo.

sissyneck

holy moly this one took a turn i had to go cool down after readin that line about regular old twentieth-century American sex brought up so many powersome memories and sensations and then when i came back to finish the story I guess now everybody's robots and vampires and it was the end of the wizard of oz (real-mans version) the whole time!?

Bonnybedlam

The typos in the script are an excellent touch. That's how you know it's for real men, not those sissy boys who care about things like spelling.

Talking Alpaca

Does this mean guys now can wear paint-like pants and shirts that adhere to the skin and wonder why so many people are staring at them?

Vooster

"Oxygen" is the 2nd manliest word. It has "XY" right up in there. 1st manliest word: xylophone

Ace Hendrix

This is the secret we’ve needed to turn people into Rob Liefeld characters: giant men, ultraflexy men, grimacing men!!

Andrew Meyer

Wedge staring contemplatively at the space where Big was supposed to be is an image that will stick with me forever.

Matthew Harris

You mentioned the Youth Pastor, and to me, that was funny, because the entire thing had a big Youth Pastor energy. "Yo guys you like sports...but when you think about it, Jesus was the ultimate quarterback!" It is hard to tell whether the author was stupid, or if he just thought his audience was stupid. Maybe there is a lesson here---if someone has to dumb down their message past a certain point, maybe that message isn't worth sharing.

Matthew Harris

Off-topic but I have to admit this---I fried a single egg for breakfast. It was going into my quesadilla, so only using one makes sense, but I still felt a sense of shame while doing it. And 1900HOTDOG is basically my Jeff who have to know my egg-frying lapses.

kerry budding

When I was in Airforce tech school, I was recommended yoga by another student. She said it would "build the muscles you're looking for, and the stamina and flexibility I'm looking for." It was years before it finally clicked that she was hitting on me

Matt Edwards

I'm in for contributing to the Kickstarter for the advert as long as Chris from Covenant Eyes plays Tusk. Could really help sell yoga to the no-fap brigade.

Brendan McGinley

Liddy, I think one day this article is going to have to fight itself for the main reason why it's my favorite piece you've written. To put it in damn robot terms, this article is both Tusk.