Upsetting Day: Y2K Family Survival Guide (Patreon)

Here at 1900🌭, we're very concerned about the issues that plague the world today; issues like Y2K. There's no one better suited to warn us of the dangers of Y2K than Leonard Nimoy; you know the famous actor who played Lt. Paul McGuire in T.J. Hooker. The first half of Y2K survival guide is a lot of speculation about how bad Y2K could be. It's specifically designed to freak you out, with Leonard Nimoy talking about nuclear power plants over ominous music riddled with gongs, chimes, and maracas. Not a single instrument that doesn't rattle your nervous system like a wooden roller coaster was allowed anywhere near this video.

In the second half, the Y2K Family Survival Guide actually has a good message. It says, hey, remember all of that spooky computer stuff we literally just said will probably happen in January of 2000? There's actually a pretty low chance that it will happen, and if it does, it probably won't be a global thing, but some patchy power outages in places where the proper updates haven't been made to computer systems yet, so maybe don't immediately declare yourself Immortan Joe and cannibalize your neighbor or anything. We'll still live in a society if we don't have electricity, so calm down and maybe explore why you've got such a rage boner for an instant apocalypse.

You can tell some people in this video are more invested in Y2K fear mongering than others. They interview a few low-tier government officials who say there might be some disruptions but overall, it'll probably be fine. Then there's a guy who gives three different potential Y2K apocalypse dates: midnight on January 1st, April or May when states start their fiscal year, or July 1st because… it's a big banking day? So, I assume if too many people go to the bank on any given date, it will cause Y2K. Luckily, Leonard Nimoy has already convinced me to constantly be on the lookout for potential Y2Ks.

The fantastic thing about this video is that they could have hired any director who would have done a bunch of boring, standard interviews, and there are a few of those peppered throughout. We've got the classic guy in front of an American flag setup. You know what his deal is. He loves America. He's got some advice for you. It's probably that you need to give him money, etc.

Then there's this lady they lured to a Days Inn to talk about Y2K. In the '90s, a woman could show up at a generic hotel room to discuss potential apocalypse survival scenarios without it feeling like it was a trap. Back then, it was a bad idea for way cooler reasons!

Even though there are occasionally these stereotypical documentary setups, there are also some bold choices that I loved. The director of this documentary starring Transformers' own Leonard Nimory was not going to merely set up a camera and shoot. He had angles. He had filters. He had extreme close ups.

We'll never know what this man's neck looks like, which feels like a commentary on something, but I have no idea what. They didn't have to shoot it so that this guy's face takes up 90% of your television screen. They chose to do that, and then in the editing studio; they said, "yes, this was a good choice, but I wish it were a little closer."

Did a toddler with no boundaries film this? It looks like every boomer who somehow still doesn't understand cell phone cameras' attempt at a selfie. I did not zoom in at all. This is just how they shot this guy's entire interview for some reason. I guess I should be happy he's holding still at all. Leonard Nimoy spends the whole movie zooming through The Matrix.

You've not known fear until you've seen Leonard Nimoy in front of a green screened close up of a microprocessor as a gong sounds in the background. If it's not clear they're trying to scare you yet, check out this Y2K hero, the cigarette smoking man from X-Files. He's skulking in the shadows, trying to make a mass computer glitch sound badass. They lit the hallway behind him. They wanted him to look like a teen luring you into the woods to try cigarettes in an after school special, and it worked. This is a spooky man.

Unfortunately, not all interview setups can be in creepy hallways. You need to fill the moments between dark, ominous hallway man and so-close-it's-uncomfortable guys with something more relaxing. That way, when we cut back to them, it's even more jarring for the viewer. What's an interview setup that feels lighthearted and playful yet still threatening? It needs to worry us even if the person being interviewed is just talking about data transfer. I'm thinking '80s mall glamor shot ghost faces:

This setup is beautiful. If you told me that still was a Phil Collins album cover, I would absolutely believe you. (I have no idea what Phil Collins looks like, but probably that, right?) This poor man only wants to talk about computers, but the director has decided that's not good enough. Ken Russell is an expert in his field! And now he looks like a model for the Jeffrey Dahmer's glasses line. They really did him dirty in this documentary, because you know, even though they were doing the multiple faces thing, they still had to layer atop it the extreme close up. Behold the extreme closeup extreme:

What does Ken's forehead think of Y2K? His monstrous astral form? While I really started to respect the filmmaker's decision making process after seeing Ken, what cemented his genius for me was a guy I've come to call Mr. Big Phones.

I could spend hours questioning this set dressing. First of all, the man has a red phone. What does it do, call fire? He doesn't need a Bat Phone. The filmmakers definitely put that there to make this guy seem important. However, they took one look at the setup and said, you know what, only one red phone isn't enough. He needs a second phone to display his importance, and that phone should have like 600 extra buttons. In 1999 you could tell a man was important by how many phones he had and the volume and color of those phones.

Then you've got the nameplates; what are those for? Does it help him to keep each phone facing mostly away and very much not clearly labeled? Is his real name FIRE or does he need a reminder for how to stop one? "What do I do? Everything is burning, oh, right WATER! Thank you, nameplates! Hold on, I've got someone on line number 483. Hello, this is FIRE."

Imagine trying to work at this desk. You'd get nothing done. You're trying to find a pen, shuffling around all of the nameplates with words vaguely related to your job. You finally see one; it's tangled in the cords of one of your two corded telephones that are both in the center of your desk. You need to locate the town that's on fire on your giant map, but the bisexual lighting doesn't allow you to see a thing! What will you do? I know; ask your friend who lives in The Matrix to help. You look to your friend Leonard Nimoy, but he's off rocketing through space again.

Nimoy Bruce Willis'ed this role. He was on set for an hour, max, did one long speech, and then to make it less boring, the director green-screened him into various scenes. I love that decision because it makes it easy to Photoshop him into whatever scene I want. Here's Leonard Nimoy with a majestic pegasus.

Anyway, to my great shock the director of Y2K Family Survival Guide never directed anything again, or decided to change their name immediately after filming. Seriously, I’ve never seen an IMDB page so blank. Donnie Bisley rose from the bog to make this film and sank back into it once his mission was complete. There’s not a single student film, or short, or anything after this. Do you think he died in Y2K? It’s impossible you say, but I think that’s what he would have wanted.

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.