Upsetting Day: H.R. Giger's Dark Seed (Patreon)

Ok guys, this is a no BS walkthrough of my fav game Dark Seed. It’s a horror game, and I can honestly say I find it more unpleasant every time through. First step, watch the entire opening credits since they’re presented so pretentiously that the cursor itself gets bored. This is unskippable.

You will then see the balls descend. Remember, this is a Giger game. Unlike real balls, what

comes out of these is bitter and frightful…

Oop, you thought the credits had finished? You are a fucking fool. Your goal: to determine which names are fake. If you said KLUGS you fail the first puzzle - all names are fake. Humans made them up. Click all the names to proceed.

Pause to recognize that the discordant synthesized score had a human mind behind it, not an errant bowling ball hurled across the keyboard as the game makes it seem. This is clever ludonarrative in a nutshell.

If you guessed that this credit means H.R. Giger drew four things that appear in this game, welcome to puzzle three. You beat it. With all credits levels complete, simply press spacebar to accept your brain-baby.

We have blown one quarter of the Giger assets now. Click on the protagonist’s rockin’ '80s ‘stache at the proper moment to get cum on your shoulder while singing the falsetto parts of Stayin’ Alive.

Your character Mike will now get out of bed fully dressed, indicating the previous was a dream (or was it??) and that you have been saddled with the role of a dipshit. Are you scared of unknowable elder things beyond the fringes of meaning yet? Go to the bathroom.

You are in the bathroom, traditional site of all cosmic horror. If you like cosmic horror, boy let me tell you you are in for some of it! ;) Click on the mirror to take an aspirin to alleviate your headache…if you dare.

This is the most polished and longest sequence of animation in the game, so don’t forget to bask. Things are hotting up to a fever pitch now. When you first pull the pill bottle out, try and make it look like you’re briefly jerking off for some bonus points. KLUG.

Grope the bulge in your pocket to turn up the nerdiest item possible, an overdue library copy of Lord of the Rings. Hold onto it. This makes sense as the puzzle solution because of the clever design mentioned earlier.

By this point, the score will weary you. Silence it. You’ll thank yourself later, although you should technically thank me. You’re welcome. Halfway through our Giger budget! If you are not too terrified, straighten your tan dress jacket and proceed to the library.

Once you have recovered from that jump scare, note how unsettling books are generally, then search the room for all clues as to what kind of Giger-esque thrill ride we are in for (Hint: this is most of it!).

Once you are heavy with clues and a respect for history, retrace your steps and go up the ladder into the attic to hopefully hurl yourself to your death to escape this banal nightmare. Open up your inventory and eat the LotR book.

More old, deflated and useless things await you there. You see yourself in this room, this collection of the worthless and reviled. You are home. Your terror curdles and turns to hate. Hang yourself.

Chicken out. Then, even though no one was chasing you, climb down your hanging rope and to the yard. By failing at hanging you have succeeded in climbing. There is no reason to do this, which is what makes it a puzzle.

Find an old, run-down car in the garage and complete a Home Improvement-style B-plot where you lovingly restore it. Scream. Contemplate madness.

Read a journal explaining that the home’s previous owner was also a dipshit with headaches. We have transcended him, though, by harnessing the futuristic power of aspirin. Naturally, you’ll want to wander into town to show off.

Big tip for this next section: become genuinely curious about the world around you. It’s always good to know the police are nearby in case of a rogue Giger, but for now, head into the Klug-market. Based on the name, we know this is a front.

If you have been following the hints, it is obvious what to purchase from the general store: a baby in a box.

Wait, this is wrong. No one has Giger-ed this baby. If you have not already defecated from fear, open up your inventory and shit out the digested Lord of the Rings book. Read the last intact page for guidance.

TL;DR Now that we know old man Tuttle swallowed a key to a clock, the only logical next step is grave robbing. Allow yourself to succumb to the inevitable.

Traipse through the town cemetery like a fine dandy boy until you discover Tuttle’s tomb, which is Egyptian for some reason. Behold a cursed mirror within.

Nothing fazes Mike. Mike Dawson is unfazeable. Retrace your steps and return home, Tuttle’s key in hand. Have the mirror moved to your house.

Instead of using the key immediately (common mistake!), answer a call from the local librarian, then retrace your steps again to return to town to pick up a book.

Ogle the librarian’s neck, which is a perfect beige column. Grab the book, don’t read it, retrace your steps again to head home and go to sleep. Hey, you earned it with all the retracing.

You will awaken with another mean headache, leading us deftly into the sweeping climax of this heady, non-stop weird-fest. At least we already know what to do here. Go to the bathroom, and this time I mean in realspace. The game will know, trust me, it’s a puzzle, do it.

What, did you expect them not to reuse their setpiece animation? That was a full third of the budget for this game.

Proceed through the clock using Tuttle’s key and enter the dark world. We’ve now exhausted Giger art assets, so we’ll be reusing them from here on in.

Whatever you do, make sure you walk all chill and laid back like you have been the entire game, even though you’ve just fallen into a Hell-dimension. Can’t let ‘em see you sweat, Unfazeable One.

In the most realistic twist of the game, get arrested for grave robbing and spend one night in prison before being released with no further consequences.

Your goal here is to shoot the moon and make the game so boring that it’s forced to do something interesting. Press T over and over to make time pass repeatedly.

You are home again. A voice from off-frame will tell you to walk there. I don’t know how you usually engage with strange voices, but in this case do what they say.

It’s finally revealed that your brain-baby is bad, which you had been unable to guess or intuit before. Do what anyone would in that situation and race back to the library’s microfiche department.

Surely, something in the library can dethrone an evil anti-God and prevent the cosmos from falling into chaos and ruin! Use the fiche on the reader.

The subtle clue you gather from this unrelated article about how people often hide things under cellar flagstones is to go dig up your cellar flagstone. Again, this article is not about you or your situation, it just happens to provide this information. Thanks, article!

Grab the keys, then never use them because the librarian shows up at your door instead. This stands in stark contrast to more traditional puzzles, where the keys would go somewhere or do something. This key is just a key for key’s sake. Pretty refreshing design choice.

The librarian will do everything she can to get you to fall in love with her. Refuse her wiles but accept her proffered gift…

...alien aspirin! The headache you had the whole time was representative of your brain-baby! The dark world and light world are crashing together in a cacophony of dawning comprehension too terrible to grasp! This is unskippable.

Finally, get eaten by an alien and shit out into a little canister. You have won. This is what it is to win Dark Seed. Anyway, Black Mirror is mostly a ripoff of this game, enjoy and stay safe out there.

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