Here we are, here we go, a bit more sober, no gif.. i don't have the moral for it

Workflow:

Finishing gobi comm today, at the moment i type this i finished 2/3 of the images, just want to release the full pack at once.
Then what? I'll focus on the comms to do for the rest of the day and maybe tomorow, and go back to reward this Friday.
For the rewards i'll stay simple and maybe go back to the Sepia looking aesthetic, been some times since i did those. Going back to good old time things

Commission?

I.. got a thing with anxiety. You'll tell me a lot of peoples got that, it's true. Me it's about uncertainty.. You'll say "you decided to be an artist, not clever" and.. you're right, it's not super cool to live H24.
BUT.. i got patreon. Hear me, it 's not peak clockwise mechanics. Peoples go, peoples join, the site is known to ban peoples on a whim, so much that each time the site bug for a reason and i can't join the page to check it, as i do twice a day, i fear i might have been ban without warning for whatever reason they coocked this time.
Then, there's commissions.
They're good way to make extra money! And god know i could use this extra cash... But it kill me each time i open. So much so that i open comms before going to bed now, take a pill to help me fall asleep and try not to think of it.
Will peoples take a slot? Not? Will it be interesting? Will i make enough to buy that thing i want etc etc.
The wait is .. really messing with my sanity.. More than anything else. I'm a patient guy, so it's less that fact it didn't came now that the fact it might not come at all. Most of time my fears are just fears, after a day or two peoples pick something, i'm happy etc. But it make me sweat of anxiety for DAYS while it happen.
So i took the habit to say days before "i open that day" this way peoples are interested and in the starting block.. And it worked for a time
And today...it didn't. Opened as usual on the discord, no one took it, and despite a good sleep, peoples telling me interested, no one picked a comm after 12 h..
And that's ok, i'm in the job for long enough to know that if i keep it open for one more day, someone ll eventually pick it, or someone who didn't had his discord open ll finaly see it etc etc.. but it mean i'll keep that anxiety living for more days
And i'm not good enough in my mental health these days to do it.
Been doubting of all sort of thing.. IA is killing the earth. The wealthy are destroying everything they touch to make more money. War is on all fronts, madmen in sit of powers. Climate go awol, and peoples loose their job, a lot... in last two years it's more than 60 peoples that resigned from this patreon because they loose a job..
So in all of this my little rant means nothing, my sanity means nothing.. and yet it's all i have.
I could use the money, i really could... but i could too just tighten my belt a little more, buy less stuff. No new video games or figs this year, no icecream, more veggies, and worth case sell some of my old books. And stop taking comms.. For good

I honnestly don't know at the moment. Might be my mental state talking. In two days might start to get less depressed and decide to open again cause god it ll help... Or might be for good, and last month was the last time i ever opened comm.

I don't know.. So i won't make a big announcement about it, to see me lie about it in a couple month. Just know this is my mental state right now, and it's why i'm closed until further notice.
Maybe in two month i'll need urgent 500€ for X or y.. maybe i'll open urgent comm... . i don't know anymore
Thanks for your time and sorry for the long text wall

Thanks for reading this far., if you still are.
And c ya soon!