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Why the Thought of Having Kids Freaks Me Out (Patreon)

Published:
2025-12-05 12:32:05
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Hello lovely patrons!

The new episode premieres tonight at 18:30 British time! I'll be in the live chat from 18:00, I hope you can come and join me to watch it together. This one is pretty spectacular haha.

Abi XXx

Files

Why the Thought of Having Kids Freaks me Out

Try Nebula FOR FREE: https://go.nebula.tv/philosophytube Sign up to my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/PhilosophyTube Subscribe! http://tinyurl.com/pr99a46 Instagram, TikTok, Tumblr, BlueSky: @theabigailthorn Email: philosophytubebusiness@gmail.com BIBLIOGRAPHY Al Jazeera, “UN says families, a generation being ‘wiped out’ by Israel’s war on Gaza” Elizabeth Barber, “The Case Against Children: Among the AntiNatalists,” in Harpers Kristen V. Brown, “The Coming Democratic Baby Bust,” in The Atlantic Meehan Crist, “Is It Okay to Have A Child?” in The London Review of Books Sarah El Deeb, “The war in Gaza has wiped out entire Palestinian families. AP documents 60 who lost dozens or more,” in AP Silvia Federici, “Wages for Housework” Nancy Folbre, “Children As Public Goods,” in The American Economic Review Timothy Morton, “The End of the World,” Chapter 6 in Hyperobjects MSF, “Gaza: MSF survey shows almost half of people killed are children” Christine Overall, Why Have Children? The Ethical Debate Laurie Ann Paul, “What You Can’t Expect When You’re Expecting” Plato, Euthyphro Gina Rushton, The Parenthood Dilemma Saul Smilansky, “Is There A Moral Obligation to Have Children?” in Journal of Applied Philosophy Lyman Stone, “Would You Have A Baby if You Won the Lottery?” in The Atlantic UNFPA, The Real Fertility Crisis Louise Weard, Castration Movie Anthology Part 1 Louise Weard, Castration Movie Anthology Part 2 Jessica Winter, “The Morality of Having Kids in a Burning, Drowning World,” in The New Yorker Seth Wynes and Kimberly Nicholas, “The Climate Mitigation Gap,” in Environmental Research Letters #philosophy #education #ethics

Comments

ComicTF

Whether by science or sexual partners who ARE that good, we WILL get these cuties pregnant, one day.

Potato Tools

I watched this already on Nebula and I can confirm it is spectacular and everyone should try to make it for the live premiere.

Jesper P.R.L

I finished watching this just now and it just made me so heartbroken and sad, and I felt such strong second hand hoplessness for the Mermaid community. I am neither Brit or Amercian, and Mermaids in my home country are slightly better off (I think), but it still brings me such immense remorse to see how they are treated in the world. Wonderful work, both Abby and the team, as always ❤️

Meg Scrabble

I love every outfit! They are part of why I love watching your videos! You and your team are absolutely amazing! Thank you for your lists inside of a list. You tickled my desire for structure. As the death rate for mothers is rising in the US and I'm a high risk pregnancy. I told my spouse that if the choice came down between my life and the hypothetical child, I wanted the child saved. I worked hard to grow that goblin and I fully intend to unleash them onto the world. My spouse was unimpressed with that and responded that they would rather not taking that chance.

RedScare

Gorgeous wise mermaid godess ❤️

Tori Klassen

This was the video that made me become a paid member. I was waiting with bated breath to see which choice you made and I cried when you had to make the choice you did. I’m so sorry this is happening in Britain. Where I am, in Canada, at least for now, trans rights are protected, and I’ll try to make sure it stays that way.

Bill Ellis

I can't say exactly why, but it also made me sad to see the choice you made. I can only speak from my personal experience, but I found the term "enjoyment" to massively understate the value of a parent-child relationship. Again, from my personal experience, I have never felt a love as intense, profound, or all-consuming as the love I feel for my children. I think it's worth at least reflecting on what you think that relationship might mean to you when making this decision. Love the channel, thanks to you and your team for all the work that goes into making them!

Alexandra L.

This really spoke to me. It reminded how I went through the question of wanting children or not. The Anguish of infertility and jealousy towards women who did have children where I could not, but also my inner questioning if I wanted them, If I wanted to give up my life, career and everything like many women in demanding proffessions do. I ended up an auntie and love it. Thank you for this. May the whole Philosophy Tube Team, Families and friends have a great Holiday Season.

Ajay

I recognized your Shakespeare quote immediately and looked at my bookshelf, where I have a triptych of me in first grade, my daughter in first grade, and excerpts of Sonnet Two in the center. I've had that there for more than thirty years and reading it can still make me tear up. That was the year I lost primary custody because of being queer in Oklahoma. That was a searing pain I will never forget, but I didn't regret having her just because of that pain. She came back into my life full time when she was 16 and could make her own choice. I think the absence made us cherish our relationship all the more. This year, my daughter went through two unsuccessful rounds of IVF and is working through all the emotions brought on by the hormones and all the "what now?" She and her husband would be wonderful parents, and they hope there's a tiny human out there somewhere who will find their way into their arms. I'm conflicted about the idea of being a grandparent, though, for all the reasons you listed in the "no" column. At the end, your decision felt like the best choice for you, although I wanted to howl in empathy with you. I feel the depth and import of your choice and the utter injustice of the world that made your choice the right one for you. So, dearie, love your nieces and nephew and all the little humans in your life with all your heart. Pour your life into their happiness. I do hope you find a love you cannot walk away from, despite your instinct for self-preservation. That kind of love will utterly fuck you up, and you'll be all the better for it.

JoyOfResistance

This is a very beautiful video, that made me tear up in more than one place. It's so unfair that we have to make decisions like this based on freedom stolen from us. And I'll fight every day until that freedom is returned to you, us and all. One little note I wanted to add is the queer angle on all this. Because raising kids in a rainbow family had taught me that we don't always have to (and maybe more consciously shouldn't) follow society's scripts when it comes to children. I became a parent before I had made up my own mind about it (my partners had a little one when they met me, so once we decided to be a family, I had to learn parenthood on the fly) and unexpected parenthood has been such a gift. There's such an emphasis on the biology of kids, but this one is nearly 20 now and some days, I forget that he's not biologically linked to me, because kids take after you, one way or the other. And having more parents has been such a great way to create more safety, both emotionally and in working together (as a queer family, but also in a broader queer network, because none of us have supportive parents, so we we're forced to build other support structures). Also, I never expected this when I became a parent, but kids give you a shitload of extra anxiety, but also hope. So much hope. And becoming a parent does something weird to time, because suddenly you're not the center of the world anymore (you feel time catching up with you and sprinting past you really fast, it's like being able to see in 4D in a way) but shaping that world into something else becomes such a primal, vital thing. Smaller, because you have to focus on the smaller world around you, but because of that, so much more effective I think. So in a way, though I did expect the opposite to be true, I feel smaller, but bigger. Ready to go where-ever, do whatever, because I am strong enough and will protect everything that's small, that's vulnerable, that's not protected but should - and in a queer, rainbow family, you're never alone in that fight.

Saoirse

Hahaha " You're telling me if I don't keep my baby Britain will stop existing? Well inshallah, sister, don't threaten me with a good time!"

CassieWasRight

I loved this and teared up at a couple points, especially the end. I'm thinking a lot about this because like, my partner and I also would need medical assistance to have kids. We're also both nonbinary people of color, and our child would also not be white, and we live in a city where our government has been arresting and separating kids from their families based on their perceived race. At the same time, we're wanting to go forward with it. We want to be imagining a future and building toward a future where our child can live a life that is more free than we grew up with. By having a child, we're saying that we believe that we could, we hope that we can, we know that we will live in a better world in the future. I also know that this would be a harder lift for Philosophy Tube but I can't help but think that people whose ancestors were colonized (like mine) or enslaved (like my partner's) had to come up against this question again and again. I'd be really curious to hear what people from those backgrounds have said about this issue, but I'm not sure where to start.