Home for December (Patreon)

Hi everyone

I’m home.

I’m currently watching a 60 mins clip about the world’s smartest dog.

I’m still unpacking, still settling back in. Haven’t really seen many people since being back, you know that feeling when you need home time and snuggle time and decompress time. I’m there. Slowly getting back to normal, unfurling and uncurling.

Making theatre is making a new creative family. You spend so much time together, you have no choice. In rehearsals you’re making something completely from scratch, then you’re in previews and rehearsals you spend all day and night together. You go through a vulnerable and creative experience and truly create a bond. And then the thrill and exhaustion of performing the show, the highs and the tired lows, and getting through 12 shows in a row. It was so so amazing to watch the dancers perform like that every night. I feel so truly lucky to have had this experience. Who knows what the future holds for Only Gold. But for now it’s time to get back to being creative and to plan my future and my record coming out next year.

I’m so excited to finally feel completion in this album process. I have lots to show you and exciting things to tell you.

Ok YouTube update now I’m watching best whale moments captured on BBC Earth YouTube. I love Youtube. We know this.

Wow killer whales move so crazy.

Ok I’ve noticed my OCD is kind of flaring up the past few months. A cool thing is I have started listening to Isaac from the band formerly known as Slaves, they are now Soft Play, just posted about it on their instagram….anyway his solo record ‘Monkey Brain’ is out, his artist name is Baby Dave, and he talks about suffering with OCD on his insta, ok wait have you seen a humpback whale swallow before? magnificent. So I realised him talking about it really helped me feel better, I sort of understood the power of talking about your issues and sharing things with others. I really like his record, it’s so British and it really makes me smile.

Anyway. My record…. Our journey together.

I am so so keen to feel COMPLETION! Such a weird thing to say about it all I know but it is so close I can taste it. Completion is one of the best parts of it all. Creating it and completing all the bits that come after, getting it in order. I picked some final artwork that we were really close to before I started working on the musical and before touring earlier in the year….we’re finalising. These are the bits that I feel take so long. The finishing touches.

Ok wait whale question…. Can whales like feel where their tails are? Do they have that kind of awareness and feeling there? What is the word for being able to control external limbs and have spacial awareness for those limbs? Are tails like arms? Or do they feel different? Are they avoiding these humans on purpose? The human presenter seems to think so…did he just swim out of the way? He reckons the whale was agile and considerate of his presence even though the whales tail could have killed him. But like, maybe he’s personalising the experience. Who knows. Ok back to the record….

I’m finalising the copy on the album, it’s boring but necessary and interesting to the right people, making sure everyone who worked on it gets appropriate credit and listing recording locations and thank yous! But it gives me anxiety, I feel worried I’m gonna miss someone out or get something wrong! I also double checked all the written out lyrics and reordered the track listing…! I was listening to the record and I really like it, I’m excited to get it out. But of course typically I’m also excited to work on new material. I’m ready to dive into writing again. And I really really don’t want to wait a long time in between records again.

I feel good about 2023. Not like the whole year, I mean who knows right? but it’s so nice to feel some progress in terms of my depression from last year. I am in a healthier headspace, I still have things that I’m dealing with, but it’s better, the future feels more hopeful than it did last year. I had hit a covid block this time last year, my OCD was the worst it had been in years, I got obsessed with finding that dog remember? I mean thank god I found it, imagine if I hadn’t, but like, it wasn’t the answer it was a compulsion and an obsession and I had fully decided if I didn’t find that dog I didn’t have any hope left. I was going out in the rain and searching in bins and down train tracks and down the LA river. It was crazy. The brain is a funny thing. Makes you think about your personality and all the things that dictate it.

What I’m really looking forward to this year is putting out this record, and giving you all the things I have made through covid and through patreon. I have no expectations externally but I do have some goals. I have also saved some things for you guys to line up a bit more with the album release. So I’m going to be getting into those plans. It’s looking good in terms of a new manager and booking agent. We’ll see how things go, but I’m working with a woman who came to multiple shows last year and wanted to manage me, she’s Irish and passionate and we’ve stayed in touch and we’re making plans. I really like her. She introduced me to a new booking agent who had a lot of passion and we’re talking about some festival offers and some exciting curated events, much more in line with what I was wanting to do compared to my last agent who unfortunately seemed to turn into a walking spreadsheet and lost his passion for me. I think unfortunately it’s how things often go with those big companies. But it’s looking somewhat good for 2023.

So the record and future music being in your hands and ears is definitely on the horizon. Isn’t that great….?!?

I realise one thing you get when you have a longterm relationship with a label is that you can kind of get in the studio more, have more relationships with producers and future music releases. I’m wondering about committing to a label at some point. It would be nice to have someone that looks out for my future like that, funding things and connecting me with people…if that’s out there. I’m also considering doing a course in music production, I think the pandemic and all these years of independence has taught me that I want to be able to look after myself more.

Even though I absolutely love collaboration and have truly realised that through the musical experience that it’s my favourite and ultimate creative thing.… But it’s still so important to be self sufficient so you can always have access to the thing you love.

I’m going to schedule in a livestream for us, a Christmas mince pie catch up and I’ll play some tunes…! So excited to see our own lil fam that we have made. I miss you guys, it’s been lonely in NY in lots of ways and all consuming in others. I hope you guys are doing well and I hope this whale program hasn’t messed up this writing too much!!!! I might do a bit of green planet now? Actually just had a search and it’s snow leopard hunting for me!!