Behind-the-Song: One More pt.5 (Patreon)

I actually had a really hard time writing a bridge for this song. It was the last part of the song to be written (excluding the rewrite of the first verse), and I couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with it.

In the end, I called a friend who floated some ideas and then just started on the call while I figured it out. I didn't use any of his ideas, but the body doubling was very helpful!

But I keep a face like stone and no one knows / Behind the smile, the story untold / To keep the darkness in the shadows

This was my way of saying that despite all the dark and low moments and all the daily struggles, I got really good at pretending everything was fine. At smiling through it all so no one even knew there was ever anything wrong. And honestly, I did it on purpose. Because I was taught that being / seeming anything less than perfect or the best was insufficient. And that being unwell in some capacity was an inconvenience.

So I put on a smile and tried to do my best to help others feel better than I did. Because learning that being unwell is inconvenient lends itself very easily to being afraid of being a burden. So it was easier to pretend. It was easier to keep all the darkness locked away and hidden from everyone. Until it wasn't...

But alone I fall apart on my bedroom floor / Do you know what you'd find if you opened up that door

I got really good at wearing masks in public or in front of others, but I wasn't always hiding it from myself 😅 I've had more than my fair share of mental breakdowns and sad movie moments where I genuinely put my back against a wall and slide down to sit on the floor and cry into my knees.

I love this line, though, because despite how sad it is, it's always such a clear indicator to me that this song was written while I was living with my parents. Because now my songs talk about crying on the bathroom floor. Because I have my own apartment now. And that's growth 😂👍


I think a lot of us have hidden how we're truly feeling from others. And sometimes I think that's okay, particularly in a more public setting. Because it makes sense to reserve our vulnerability for a safe space. But I hope you have not just safe spaces, but also safe people. Places you can take off the mask and be yourself, as messy as you may feel. And people who you feel comfortable enough to let them see the messes, too. ❤️ I didn't for a long time, but I am grateful that I do now 🫂❤️