Behind-the-Song: I'll Never pt.2 (Patreon)

At this point in the song, I was just writing based on the vibe of the chorus and not any actual experience 😅 Although, truthfully, I think it was easier for me because in my limited experience with dating... Myrna always picks red flags 🤦‍♀️

Being demi (on the ace spectrum; I typically don't experience any romantic/sexual attraction at all), I grew up terrified that I'd end up alone forever. Because, as most people did, I grew up with the idea of a nuclear family shoved down my throat. Everyone constantly asking who you have a crush on, what kind of wedding you want, how many kids, etc. And as I got older, it got worse, but I had never had any feelings like that for anyone.

Until I was 18. And I liked a boy. And he was just riddled with red flags. And the relationship was very unhealthy, though I honestly didn't know any better at the time.

A lot of people think that people who are demi are just really picky or have high standards, but that's is very much not the case 😅 If I could have chosen based on standards who I developed feelings for, it never would have been...most of the crushes I've had in my lifetime 😂🙈

All that to say, despite not having anything in mind when I started writing this song, or any person in mind when I decided to continue it, I do know what it's like to like someone I really shouldn't 😅 So I started out continuing the song based on how that experience usually goes for me!

Every time I see your face / Every time you say my name / I can't look away, no

This part, I think, is pretty self-explanatory 😅 Just the experience of developing feelings for someone. Just the sight of them or the sounds of your name on their lips feels like they're pulling you in. Like they have a secret just for you. Like you're about to witness a car crash, and it'll be horrific, but you just can't take your eyes off of it... 🫣

Sifting through our burning past / Hope it hasn't gone to ash / 'Cause I set us aflame / But I can't let go / I won't let go...

Truthfully I do not remember what inspired this bit, but I do remember feeling very clever 🙈

If I had to guess, I wrote this about trying to get over that person. I've never actually set things that remind me of someone on fire, but I've always loved the idea of it. It's just not me... but I wish it was even just for the catharsis🔥🔥🔥 But I like that it also works as a reference to just destroying a relationship.

But in this, I wanted to keep with the theme if still wanting to be with someone despite knowing they're not good for you. Thus sifting through the ashes of all I set on fire, of the relationship I figuratively set on fire with it, trying to find any pieces that didn't get burned. Anything to still hold onto. To draw me back. Because I started the fire too early and I'm not ready to let go 🤦‍♀️