Behind-the-Song: Honestly pt.5 (Patreon)

We're almost done this song, I swear 😅

You were a convincing liar / I'll give you that / When I finally found out / It was too late to get my heart back / Is this what you wanted...?

This was really my first, very unintentional, step into recognizing and writing about the clear narcissism in that past relationship...s 🫣 But don't worry, by the second narcissist, I had learned and once I recognized it (though at the time, I didn't yet know what it was), I ended things because I decided I didn't deserve to be treated that way, no matter what. Growth 😎

But with "the" ex, it was my first relationship. I was head over heals. I knew it was awful, but I didnt think anything was "a deal breaker". I had thought "as long as he doesn't cheat on me...and maybe then...I could probably forgive that..." 🫠 Turns out there's plenty that's just as much, or more, tormenting and traumatic than cheating 👍

But I think this verse very unintentionally got right to he point and right to the problem with narcissistic relationships. They don't seem like narcissists at first. They love bomb you. Most relationships start with some form of love bombing. But the thing is, it isn't real. And with a narcissist, they continue to act the same with everyone else while they slowly start to withdraw that affection from you (except in public of course).

And they convince you that it's your fault. And they isolate you. And they make you feel like you couldn't do better and if you left you'd be alone. And even if they didn't, you love them, right? And it's your fault they're treating you horribly. So if you can just do better, be better, it'll all go back to how loving and caring it was in the beginning.

Only it won't. Because it's not your fault. It never was. And they're just trying to maximize their benefit to being with you. Draining you of everything you've got to give.

So anyway... 😅 This verse was me, not even consciously, realizing that in my past relationship, it really wasn't me. And he wasn't really the good person he pretended to be. And it took me so long to realize that, that I was heartbroken when he ended things. I was broken in so many ways from how he'd treated me for six years, but I was still crushed in the end. And I still loved him. For too long 🫠

But isn't that just exactly what he wanted. To take and take and take and then crush me as he left because I had nothing left to offer him 👍


Ps. Apologies for any typos; please let me know if you find something that doesn't make sense; I'm on vacation and typing this on my way to lunch 🫣