Behind-the-Song: The Only Thing You Love pt.1 (Patreon)

This song was so tricky for me because I started with the last line of the chorus and working backwards from that was especially interesting 😅

As you probably know already, I wrote this song about being in narcissistic relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but any relationship. Particularly as a people pleaser...which honestly I think is the kind of person narcissists gravitate toward because that's what's in their best interest 🫠

One person who gives their all for the sake of other people's happiness, and one who manipulates others to gain as much as they can from their relationships 👈😎👈

Anyway...it sucks, but I eventually got to a point of recognizing it and healing enough to write words about it. 🙌

Disclaimer: this is a little extra upsetting and maybe possibly triggering for some; please continue only if you are in the headspace to do so ❤️ That being said, I will for this song be keeping things somewhat less detailed than most other songs as 1) it's a little more personal, and 2) I would like to minimize the chances of retraumatizing anyone who might have similar experiences 🫂

I'm on all fours to give you a leg up on your game / Shrinking so you won't say I'm just dead weight

So anyway... I have a lot of experience minimizing myself and my needs for the benefit of someone else. Even as a child, I would bend to the will of others 🫠

And I learned to do this to avoid the negative consequences of not catering to the...not even needs, but just desires of others. Because I learned that those consequences were either dangerous, or they reinforced negative beliefs about my worth. And I would do just about anything to avoid any further contribution to those beliefs.

So... I wrote this to illustrate going to ridiculous lengths to try to minimize the likelihood of being hurt 🫣

Crush me to climb up the rubble 'till you're on your way / I know you have to stay in shape, but do I have to be the punching bag

This bit on the other hand, was my attempt to illustrate the part that others played in that.

Sure, I bent over backwards, but even if I hadn't done so quite so readily, that doesn't mean I wouldn't have still been taken advantage of. Being in a narcissistic relationship is alienating, and demoralizing, and belittling, and it just... Wears you down. Actively. And intentionally. And maliciously. To take from you whatever they can get, for their own benefit. 👍😬