Behind-the-Song: The Only Thing You Love pt.5 (Patreon)

The last piece! The 🔥 bridge 🔥

I know we burn bridges, but I am honestly genuinely pretty proud of a lot of the bridges I've written 🤷‍♀️

I think generally, the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, so rather than breaking it down line by line, it makes more sense to me to just talk about the meaning behind it all, more broadly.

This bridge was really where I decided to include another aspect of these kinds of relationships that's maybe harder to understand if you've not experienced, so... just trying to keep an open mind 😅


When you're in this kind of relationship, you know on some level. Not right away – sometimes not for a long time – and usually not consciously. You maybe don't know what it is exactly, but you know it's not a good relationship. You know you're miserable.

But, as I think has been made abundantly clear, you think it's your fault. You think you deserve it... (You don't. No one does)

So this bridge is coming to that more lucid understanding that this relationship is not healthy. Starting to recognize that maybe you're not the problem, or at least you're not the only problem. And understanding that they are actively making you feel less than, and regardless of who you are or what kind of monster you've come to think of yourself as...do you really think that's right?

And sure, while you feel awful and they treat you abhorrently, you've learned, for whatever reason, to convince yourself that it's acceptable. Because they do nice/good things, too, right? And that redeems them... And plus, they only treat you that way because you did something wrong, or you're wrong, or they've had a tough day, or that's just what they were taught, etc...

But eventually, you realize that you're making excuses for their behaviour more and more. You're spending more time convincing yourself that this is "okay" than actually feeling happy or fulfilled in the relationship.

Maybe you even realize they don't really love you.

But even through all of that; with all of those realizations, leaving isn't as easy as it sounds.

Not only do those realizations usually not come all at once, or in a clear way, or even consciously, but even if they do...you've been taught to believe that none of that really matters. Because throughout all the time you've spent in this relationship, you've come to know, deeply, that you deserve this. That you aren't worthy of more. Are you even worthy of affection at all? And "better" doesn't exist, anyhow. But certainly not for you. And you are alone. And even if you weren't, no one would understand. And they do such a good job of saving face in front of people...who would believe you if you told them? Is dealing with all the people telling how great that person is, and questioning why you would give up a good thing, better than what you're already dealing with?

And this is comfortable. And you're exhausted. And maybe scared. It's easier to stay...

So you end up in this place of "this is terrible and I know it's terrible, but..."

And that's what this is about. And that's why the chorus doesn't change at the end. Because when you're in a toxic relationship, no matter how bad it is, the system of abuse somehow also makes it harder to leave.