Unfinished Song Vault: Uggghhh (Patreon)

Hilariously, that is in fact the title this has in my voice notes 😂

I don't remember when I wrote this or why, but boyyyyy do I relate to it often 😅😬

If you asked me, I'd have to guess that I wrote this in one of the many times when I was just very angry and did not know what to do with that anger. This is especially common for me when my anger is directed at another person. Because it's not that I'm not confrontational; I will tell people when they've hurt me or made me upset/angry. And it will be a proper conversation in which I (attempt to) set boundaries.

But at the same time, I try really hard to make sure that, even when my anger is caused by another person, that I don't take it out on that person. Because I don't know if they intended it, if they have something else going on that I don't want to add to, and because I just generally don't think it's a productive or nice way to handle things. If someone hurts me, hurting them isn't going to make me feel better. It's just going to leave us both hurt.

So typically, if someone makes me angry, I put that anger aside until I can find a healthier outlet - writing a song, talking (ranting) about it with a(nother) friend, etc. I still talk about it and express the anger. I just redirect it to an area with less probability of explosion 😅

But sometimes, nothing seems like enough. Or I haven't had a chance to find that other outlet before it becomes overwhelming for me. And I am just mad. Which like... it must have been something big, because I am generally not very good at holding onto anger anyway 🤷‍♀️

So anyway... I low-key kind of felt this a bit last week. And it felt good to hear it, even though I'm actually not very fond of this piece 😅

PS. I kind of love that you can hear in the recording that I'm literally singing it as I come up with it. The little pause between the second and third line is so telling 🙈

Lyrics:

And I wanna rip my hair out

But that won't get me anywhere, no

I think I'll scream into my pillow...