Health Update: What Pain? (Patreon)

I am repeatedly reminded that I am very good at ignoring how much pain I'm in. I keep thinking I'm okay and going ahead and trying to do everything, but as soon as I have a moment to just relax, I'm hit with the sudden realization that I've actually been in a lot of pain the whole time 🤦‍♀️

If I keep moving and keep pretending, it's like holding a mug of tea. It's fine, it's nothing, it's normal. But when I have a moment to stop what I'm doing and just sit, I suddenly realize it's actually burned my hand.

The circumstances might be normal for me, but that doesn't mean everything is fine and dandy 😅 I've become so comfortable with being in pain that I don't always even notice it's there. And then I'll wonder why I'm in genuine agony once I've sat down, or turned off the camera, or I'm trying to sleep. How I suddenly end up in enough pain that I can barely stand to be awake. But my body's been giving me signals that I'm in pain, and I've been feeling the random stabs of pain or the constant dull aches, I've just been ignoring it and pushing through. And it's like my brain/body go "Okay, bitch, you do you, but you're gonna regret it later and that's a promise."

I'm grateful for it a bit, because it allows me to live my life; to take care of my basic needs, to go out and do things I enjoy, and even to stream. I so frequently hear people's shock that I'm able to stream despite migraines, well... this is how. But, well 1. I'm not sure it's the healthiest of adaptations 😅😬 and 2. The consequence/resulting exacerbation of pain is...very unpleasant. I think it's worth it 🤷‍♀️ I think... although it does feel a little upsetting that it's become so necessary to everyday life 🙈