Health Update: Exhaustion is Not It (Patreon)

TLDR; I recently discovered that there is a point of exhaustion that causes me to have more seizures as my tired brain is just more susceptible. But despite having a ton on my plate, I think I'm managing to make sure I get enough rest, even if it isn't sleep, and the seizures seem to be returning to normal (for me). 👍

What is sleep?

No, for real. What is sleep, and how does one get an adequate amount? And what even is adequate? I am chronically ill and chronically in pain...I'm always exhausted anyway 😅🙈 Unfortunately, I've recently come to discover that although the mindset is that I'm always exhausted anyway, what does it matter...it does in fact, matter.

Obviously we all need sleep. Some of us need more than others, whether it be for biological reasons or acquired health reasons, and that's okay. But we all still have the same number of hours to work with, so... where do you find the time? I used to only need between 2-6 hours of sleep each night to remain comfortable and functional. I've written exams on 2 hours' sleep without issue. But ever since my first concussion, I've needed more.

I feel like I've just been collecting additional health problems that result in me needing more and more sleep. The chronic pain didn't exhaust me enough, so I had to go and hit my head, and then fall, and then get hit, and then fall again...and why not throw in some nonconsensual dancing and worsening migraines while we're at it 😅👍

The trouble is (as if it weren't all the health issues) my body doesn't seem to have adjusted, sleep-wise. At any point. The memo is lost to the abyss and my body never got it. I'm still the same insomniac I was before: struggling to fall asleep and struggling to stay asleep once I make it to dreamland. I am a little better at napping, but only when I am especially unwell. And honestly, frustrating as that's been, so frequently trying to force myself back to sleep in the mornings, it's been manageable.

Until recently.

Between getting things ready for the Patreon launch, my best friend's baby shower (and then labour), struggling with both my physical and mental health, and some other more personal things going on all at once, I accidentally stumbled over the threshold from "thin ice" to straight up flailing in deep waters, trying not to drown. As it turns out, stretching myself too thin while having seizures and horrible migraines because of the weather led to an exhaustion that, while it felt familiar, was apparently too much for my little noggin to handle. I wasn't giving myself the time to properly recover between seizures, and I just generally wasn't resting when I needed to. So I was met with the very rude discovery that I actually have even more seizures when my brain is too tired 😅😬

I, of course, had this discovery just hours after my nephew/godson was born. So now I'm trying to make a bit more of an effort to rest when I need to, while also scheduling Patreon and YouTube posts, travelling 1.5hours out of town for roughly 3 days a week to help with the baby, and still maintaining my stream schedule and everything else...obviously, it's going great 👍🫣

Honestly though, I have figured out that as long as I'm resting when needed, I don't necessarily have to sleep more than I otherwise would. So the seizures seem to be better managed again (as well as they can be for now). I just need to take breaks a lot more than I'd like 🤷‍♀️ Better stock up on Kit-Kats...