Behind-the-Song: If I Showed You My Scars pt.4 (Patreon)

The first bridge I didn't want to burn... 😉 Honestly, though, I was actually really proud of this bridge when I first wrote it 🙈 I know bridges are usually the part of every song that gets forgotten, but I felt like this one was so important... plus it was cool to use it as a gateway to flipping the script 💁‍♀️

This mask is starting to weigh me down / My heart is racing, my head is pounding, my thoughts are all drowned out

I think this is pretty self-explanatory 😅 But it felt like the natural next "scene" if you will, to be at a place of feeling like you can't keep pretending; in this case, you can't keep pretending that everything is fine and you're happy. Moving naturally from "I don't know how much longer I can keep the facade up" and "I can't be the flower on the wall" to genuinely getting to the point of not being able to keep up appearances. To feeling worn down and worn out.

And to feeling all the anxiety that comes with that. The "what ifs". What if people don't still like me when they find out I also have issues? What if people don't like or accept me when I'm no longer people pleasing? What if letting one wall down causes me to fall apart completely? Am I even ready to admit to myself that I can't do it alone anymore?

Can't keep hiding, but I wish someone could seek me out

I think it's easier to accept help when it's freely offered than to ask for it. Maybe asking for help feels like admitting you're not okay, or in the case of cognitive bias, it can affirm whatever negative thoughts you have about yourself. But help being freely offered without prompt feels more like that other person is just really kind, I guess? I don't know 🤷‍♀️

And the thing is, I know that I am 100% the kind of person to try to keep pretending everything is fine even when someone asks 😅 But somewhere in my mind, I feel like being promoted would make things easier. Maybe even just knowing there's someone out there who cares enough to ask "but how are you actually?"

Anyway, this line is about the fact that I was going to fall apart eventually. But it would be nicer if it happened more...gracefully and more privately than just randomly falling to pieces when the next grain of rice got added to the pile 😅