Behind-the-Song: If I Showed You My Scars... pt.5 (Patreon)

The final piece of the story!

Fun fact: I almost didn't finish writing this song. Up until I wrote the last line of the bridge, I didn't really like this song. It felt too sad, too personal, and to me, it didn't sound like a regular or "real" song. I didn't want to finish the song at all until I decided to turn things around for the last chorus.

I generally enjoy switching things up for the final chorus (as I'm sure you've noticed with other songs 😅), but I think in this case, with it being the first song I'd written, I just felt like it wasn't okay to write a song that was just sad. I had started writing the song because of the charity event and wanting to share a bit of my own story, but not being ready to talk about it...so writing a song that was just 100% sad with no hope felt like too big a leap.

Obviously, now, with songs like "silent" and "just another day," I've thrown that idea out the window 🙈

But this was how Scars got it's ending. Turning the end of the song to be a little bit more hopeful is the only reason this song got finished at all. As much as me thinking it wasn't "okay" to write a song that was just sad was...wrong aside from the standpoint of only sharing what I was comfortable with at the time, the song wouldn't exist if I hadn't shifted it.

So this chorus is about getting to the point where you really do feel invisible, like no one cares... because they don't know anything; where you feel like no one would want to know. The point where you feel so lost in your own despair, and feel like you are so invisible... no one would notice if you just... disappeared. But not wanting to disappear.

Not wanting to be stuck in your void of sadness, at least not alone anymore. But recognizing that you need help to get out of that place. And also knowing that the help doesn't even have to be something big. It can be as simple as someone showing you a path, any path, to something more.

And you can even still be your pathologically independent self because they only need to show you that first step and you can damn well do it by yourself if you're so determined 🫣

Anyway, I cried a bit during this song just remembering when I wrote this and the things I went through to get to these feelings, so... that's it! That's the song. Presumably it is very clear why I intentionally wanted the song to have a very early-mid 2000s emo vibe 🙈 To have the vibe of the emo songs that I listened to during some of the hardest years of my life.