Behind-the-Song: One More pt.1 (Patreon)

It's not the last one; it's just the name of the song, okay? 🙈 If you haven't figured it out yet, I've been doing the Behind-the-Song posts in release order of the songs!

"One More" is the middle of the EP track list because it felt like a very skippable song; I have never really liked this song much. As you may know, this was the second full-length song I ever wrote, and the first feedback I ever received was just "...it's not as good as the first one" 🙃

Granted, maybe they were right, but it was really disheartening at the time since it was so early in my songwriting career. I don't think the goal in songwriting should be to always be writing your "best" song. Like every song has to be better than the last. I think that puts too much pressure and constraint around the creative process... but when I was just starting out, I definitely didn't think that way 😅😬

So anyway, all that to say, I have never loved this song. BUT I'm still proud of it. And somehow it ended up being possibly my favourite song on the EP... You can hear why starting March 22nd 😉

Fun fact: I actually completely rewrote the first half of this verse after initially finishing the song 😅 Maybe I'll do a bonus post with the original lyrics. I actually started the song with the first verse, which is pretty rare for me. But I later decided I hated it... and at first I didn't want to rewrite it because it was where the song started, but I eventually came around to the idea that songs can change. I mean...I wrote the dang thing. I can change it if I feel like it 🙈

Without further ado...

So many battles left upon my shelves / Can't take them down without a war against myself / So the tears keep falling down my face, yeah / And on my lips I can't forget the way they taste...

I think this one is pretty obvious as to the content, but I wrote this verse about compartmentalizing and the outcomes of that in my experience. About trying to tuck away all the negative emotions and experiences and essentially try to pretend to the world and often myself that they don't exist.

I'd feel/experience them in moments. In all the moments I couldn't "keep it together". All the moments I felt "weak" for allowing myself to feel. All the moments that led to pressing my back against a wall, sliding down to the floor, and crying into my knees. The moments when everything seemed too much.

So instead of dealing with anything in a healthy way, it was all tucked away for future lonely cry sessions. And when you do that, it takes a lot of time and work and healing to be able to face those things again. So... I suppose this was a recognition of my own negative coping mechanisms. Understanding that the things I tuck away are still there, in the background, and anytime they come into focus, there's some emotional turmoil. And if (when) ever I properly addressed them, it would take a lot of battling my own thoughts and preconceptions and emotions to get through that.

Anyway, I think therapy is for everyone 😅👍