Unfinished Song Vault: New Lows (Patreon)

I wrote this one during a particularly difficult time. Truthfully, probably not the most difficult I've experienced, but it was while I was recovering from my concussion last year, but also trying to get back into streaming.

As many of you know, streaming (and everything associated with that) is my full-time job. Because of my many health struggles, I have truthfully not found anything else I am reasonably physically able to do. So I have always felt incredibly lucky and grateful for the generosity and overall support of my amazing community for making this life possible for me. Sure, I work hard, but in the end, it unfortunately doesn't matter how hard I work if it isn't profitable 🤷‍♀️ (which has honestly been a struggle for my brain for a lot of reasons, primarily because I don't eve want anyone to feel like they owe me anything or I expect anything, but...that's a whole other story 😅🫣). 

The downside of it, though, is that when I need to take time off, which I inevitably do for my health, it's really stressful for me. And when I had a concussion, I was essentially not working for 2 months and then was still on a reduced schedule for the following 3 months. So I started the year with next to no income, and then I started to come back during tax time 🙃👍And trying to do anything more than I already was would halt or regress my recovery.

Not to mention that having a concussion also means that emotional regulation isn't very effective 😅🙈 So, TLDR; I was super stressed for a lot of reasons, feeling stuck, and my emotions were all over the place and more overwhelming than usual.

This piece is about getting burnt out or hitting your limit in some way, but things somehow keep getting worse. When you've reached a point of breaking down all the time and feeling like you can't possibly take any more because you're barely holding on as it is, but life keeps on kicking...

Lyrics:

They say "when you hit rock bottom

there's no further down to go"

But I swear that I've hit the bottom

A million times

I keep finding new lows