Struggling (Patreon)

I just want to thank everyone that stayed!

I haven't been OK ever since my dad had a heart attack, a lot of things were happening and i refused to share the situation, and it was eating me up inside. I  can't draw, I am scared to post online and to disappoint, but the more I put it off, the more I got scared. It's taking me months to figure out what is wrong with me, and up until now, im still trying to figure it out.

I have a job now as a game artist, but is home-based, got a new flood free place and everything seemed to be fine! The one thing I notice is that I can work just fine with my job, I can draw and finish task on time. But when i try to do my stuff, I froze, I get scared and I put it off for another day. it has been an endless cycle that I'm trying to figure out how to end. Today I decided not to be scared. to just face everything and just continue moving on, whether I disappoint. I wanted to write this down cause its gonna help me remind myself that I DO have the courage to fix what has been hindering my progress and move on. I want peace of mind.

 For now, I'm trying to be strong and trying to breakthrough of that habit. I want to breakthrough my fear of disappointing people. of not being what is expected of me. I don't want to be afraid to face everyone anymore, whenever I disappear. It was an endless loop and I was struggling, I felt no one understood, and I felt everything wont get better anymore. But I realized, nothing will get better if I continue being like this, I need to be alive again. 

You guys have helped me with my dad's medical expenses, thank u for sticking around! I really needed it!

I decided to make a fanart out of a poll so that I can have interactions with my patrons. I really want a nice community where we can share ideas and just have fun! I want to take my mind off things that make me anxious. I'm gonna figure out how to do that poll thing! Please do follow and share my twitter, so people may enjoy my art more! I love feeling appreciated, and I'm not embarrassed anymore. 

P.S. this message was written a week earlier, goes to show how I'm still struggling. I had the courage the other day to message someone, but my fear took over again. This is still progress, and I'm still moving forward, little by little.

P.P.S. I'm also anxious to check messages so, let me be for now, I'm working on a commission and I want to focus. I keep reminding myself, baby steps or none at all and die.