I'm a little scared (Patreon)

I woke up in incredible pain this morning, for no apparent reason - both my arms and my head hurting like HELL, shaky legs, emotional rollercoaster
Everytime I am unable to work for a couple of days, it stresses me out to no end, because I fear for how long I can allow myself to rest before it affects my Patreon - and I am well aware how counter-productive this is, as I feel my muscles tensen and the pain in my arms flaring up again at the thought, even stronger than before

I need to get out of my head
I always want to provide, share my work with you guys, make sure you get something worth the money you put into my patreon - and then when something comes up that prevents me from working, my body quitting on me, I make everything worse by falling into fear and stressing for my body to HEAL
WHICH IS NOT HOW HEALING WORKS, I KNOW
I need to learn that I am not a machine and that I don't NEED to be one - I am just a human and sometimes they need to rest

This is more of a call-out post for myself, but also to share what's going on in my head. I'm so scared I won't be able to work for a while. The fact that I can't tell for how long when I just had the most wonderful day before being outside in nature, yet wake up feeling burned out as if I did something incredibly stressful and exhausting instead... doing everything BUT work and yet still feeling terrible the next day?? It feels irritating, frustrating and confusing.

Frankly, this feels like some spiritual mumbo jumbo going on, that I won't be able to explain, but it feels familiar to something I had experienced before many years ago. I just hope I can get out of my head and accept what is, until it goes away again. When I'm in this state I always fear it will stay like this, but that's not true. It ALWAYS goes away. I am really trying my best to not put further strain on myself, I just need to stop panicking about not being able to post something new in the meantime

I'm sorry for being so nervous about taking a break, I know how understanding and caring all of you are, you've all told me on Discord to get rest, technically I know there's nothing to apologize for, it is what it is
I've just been so happy with what I was able to build up with you guys the last couple of months, that I panic the moment there's a hurdle forcing me to take a step back

OK I need to stop typing now and get some rest
Thank you for reading
I'm glad you're all here