Faith, Draft 1, 1 5, outline, CH 02 (Patreon)

Faith in the Family, Commentary, CH 2

Chapter two, which is about Thomas asking for permission to go to the party, and the party itself

Something that is apparent, looking at both version of the chapter is that I tend to go for generalities, and Ben goes for details. I’d have to compare first and second drafts of other stories to see if it’s something I deal with on my own.

The Fanny pack incident in 1.5 brings to light that I’m not always as clear in my writing as I think I am. In draft 1, I intended to have Nadia take the phone out of Eric’s pocket, but he never caught that, which is why he gave her a fanny pack.

With the frat house, we can another case where I barely give details, but this one I know I’d resolve in the second draft, but Ben started on it, so I’ll go with that.

I also have a tendency of making stuff up on the fly to fill out character’s back story, or relationship to other characters. In this case, the outline called for Brukammer assist a teacher in one of Thomas’s class, but I have not gone to university, so I just made him a TA, where seems grad students can actually teach.

Something me and Thomas like to do is imply things that we’ll probably never state or explain. In this case, imply that there are no locks inside the Hertz household by Ben having Thomas surprised at hearing one when Limbani locks his bedroom

And in regard to that scene, it will go back to the storage closet, since I’d build it that way as a show of Limbani following one on his vision and trying to find the right storage room for it. While Ben moved it to the bedroom because how I had Thomas bring up the question of Limbani already having a room even if he’s a Freshman wasn’t very organic

Draft 1.5 isn’t an implication that it will be the ‘final’ version. When I write draft 2, me and Ben will go over the chapters and figure out what needs to stay form his, what worked from mine and meld the two.

Another detail is that when it comes to the dimensions of sexual body parts, I avoid giving exact numbers as much as I can. The main reason is that very few people walk around with a ruler to measure guys’ members or women’s breasts, and the other is that one person’s definition of ‘appealing size’ will not be the same as someone else’s, and since porn is about exciting the reader, I found that keeping things fluid help.

And Ben caught that I’d forgotten that a good number of the frat are foreign students.

And finally, Ben expand on Chima’s “perfection”. I know I’d have added detail in draft 2, but having him establish his vision for the hyena will help.

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