When I have a bad day (Patreon)

To start with, long time no see. Sorry for the lack of update. Most of the time I have nothing I feel is worth talking about.

And when I do, well, it tends to be a doozy.

This Friday was not a good day for me, writing wise.

On  the first of December, Patreon started processing my supporter’s  payments. And as with every previous months, I lost supporters when  their payments didn’t go through. I’m used to that at this point, or so I  thought. On previous months, I’d gain enough supporters to get close to  fifty, and twice, go over it, then on the first, I’d drop back down  before fifty.

It was basically a joke to me at this point; that I’d never hit 50.

This time, I dropped below 40.

Ah, Ah.

That isn’t funny.

Other  writers on Stream I watch before my day started tried to help me by  asking me questions and offering advice. The more we talked about it,  the angrier I felt myself getting at the situation and my perceived  unfairness of it. I brought the conversation to an end before I became  too angry and lashed out at people who don’t deserve it.

When my  writing time started, I tried to work. I really did. I lasted about half  an hour of staring at the screen, still getting angrier. Some of my  watchers tried to help and offer support, and I appreciate them from  that, but in the end, I ‘admitted defeat’ and walked away from the  computer. I binge watched the show Wednesday, then Played Space Engineer  for the day and the weekend.

So, why did it hit me so hard?

Well,  the obvious one is that with fewer supporters, I get less money. It’s  not significant enough to affect my bills, but it’s still ingrained him  be that how much money I make is a demonstration of my ‘value’ as a  person. So, yeah, that hit hard.

But that’s not really it, is it?  That’s just the thing I can hang the ‘blame’ on. You know: it’s  societies fault, it’s other people’s fault, it’s everyone other than  me’s fault. All the things we tell ourselves so we don’t need to do  anything to fix the problem.

So, why did it hit so hard? In the  end, it’s a case of “why isn’t what I’m doing just enough to give me  what I want” and some “losing track of why I’m writing”. Or possibly,  having to reevaluate why I’m writing and change how I do things.

One  thing I did do, is ask a question to my supporters about what they were  looking for from me. If you want to look at it, and tell me what I  could post there that would make you join my Patreon, feel free to do  so: https://www.patreon.com/posts/what-are-you-in-75409174 any and all information will only serve to help me figure out how to proceed with my Patreon.

I  did have 2 people there already give me an answer, so thank you to  them. Unfortunately, one isn’t as helpful as the person giving it and  the others requires a conversation with them to parse what they mean,  and how/if I can incorporate that in my process. The discussion is on  the post, should you want to take a look at it.

The difficult  part in all of this is that I have to make changes. I have to look at  what is going on and decide what I need to do about it. Yes, there are  outside factors involved, but I can’t do much about those, so I need to  work on adjusting how I do things in relations to them. Have I mentioned  before how much I hate having to do work that isn’t directly writing?

So yeah.

I had a bad day, and you get a journal out of it… so that’s a win?

I  will do my best to keep you appraised of the development, but do  yourself a favor, don’t hold your bre4ath. I’d like to have readers left  alive by the time I work through this.

If you want to support me, You can do so through my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/kindar and by buying my books, Sylvain-St-Pierre’s Author page

And with that. I, will wish you a good day.