Breaking Step, Draft 1, CH 56 (Patreon)

Working on that in Don’s room hadn’t been where Tibs expected his training to continue.

“Just sit down, Tibs.”

“I told you how destructive I can be when I’m channeling a new element.”

“Yes, which is why we’re not doing that today.”

“I thought this was training.”

“You’re thinking of it wrong. You have from the start.”

Tibs narrowed his eyes at the sorcerer, but sat. “Don, I think I’ve been dealing with this long enough to know more about how to do this than you.”

Don smirked. “You know more about throwing yourself out of windows and off roofs, too. Doesn’t mean that’s the best way to reach the ground.”

“I didn’t tell you about that to be mocked.”

“Sorry, it’s just amusing to me how you seem to cause the problem first and then try to deal with handling it.”

“And how should I go about dealing with something I didn’t even know would happen?”

“But you do know what will happen.”

“No, I don’t. Once I channel Lightning, I’m going to need to move, to go places, do everything. I don’t know I’m going to do with the essence, but I know I’m going to destroy something.” He motioned around. “I turned the inside of warehouses into kindling trying to control an element. What?” he asked, exasperated at the smile.

“You just said what it was you need to deal with, and how you waiting until after the problem started to deal with it. And why warehouses? Seems like the dungeon is a better place.”

“I… I’ll explain that part during our next run. It’s going to be too complicated to do here. But it’s not like I can go in anytime I want. The runs happened once a week.”

“That shows how you aren’t going at it the right way.”

Tibs breaks slow and long before talking. “Fine. How should have I gone about it?”

“You really want to insult me right not, don’t you?”

“You are kind of rubbing your ‘I know so much more than you do’ in my face, so yeah, insulting you is temping.”

“Sorry.” Don’s grin didn’t help. “But I do know more than you.”

“Don.”

“Why are you waiting until after you’re out of control to try to gain control?”

“How else am I going to do it?”

“The same was you didn’t insult me. The same way you’re not in the guild right now, trying to burn it down right now.”

“I can’t do it. There’s too much magic protecting it.”

“But you want to.”

“But I can’t!”

“You could try, then deal with the consequences.”

“Don. I know you’re trying to get me to understand something about how that’s about my training, but I don’t get it.”

“You’re exercising control before the fact.”

“Because I know that to try it isn’t going to do anything. Channeling a new element is the only way to figure out how to control it.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Don, I’ve tried—”

“It’s all emotions, Tibs. That’s what the element does to you. He increases one of your emotions past what you’re used to.”

“Which is why I have to channel the element so I’ll experience it and figure out that how to handle it. It’s not like I experience anything like that otherwise.”

“I’ve seen you angry, Tibs. You don’t need an element to experience being out of control.”

“And do you know hard it is to control that?”

“I have an idea, yes. More importantly, you don’t fly off in a rage at the slightest insult. You know how to control it before it happens.”

“Not always.”

Don nodded. “But most of the time, we’re able to stand by Tirania as she spews the lies of how great the guild is without immediately stabbing her in the heart.”

“Okay, but I had to work at it. Just like I have to work at controlling Metal and Lightning.”

“But you can do that first.”

“How? How can I learn to control something I’m not experiencing?”

Don leaned forward. “There’s this set of belief out of the Kingdom of Terrobor that we have grown apart from the elements. They mean we as everyone. They believe that even people who don’t have an element are connected to them. That our emotions come from them. And we lose control of them when one element gets too strong in our lives. I came across a passage about them years ago, when I was trying to decide what I would focus on as a scholar.” He chuckled. “I’d read everything back then. I went back and read more about their beliefs.”

“Okay. The elements I talk with say they don’t influence people like that.”

“Except you. But that they are right or not doesn’t matter.”

“I’d think it does.”

“No, because in believing what they do, they worked out exercises that allow them better control over how they act and who they are.”

“That sounds like… something a bard would sing about.”

Don snorted. “It’s not worth their time. There’s no big adventure caused by someone controlling their emotions. Although maybe you can change that.”

Tibs rolled his eyes. “I’d rather not have bards out there singing about me. I’m a rogue. Being known isn’t a good thing.” He considered the implication of what Don said. “So, those exercises will let me regain control once the element overwhelms me?”

“No. The method. Which they call Oneness, is about learning to identify the moment when you go from one emotion to the other, so that you can decide if that’s what you want to feel, instead of it happening without your decision.”

“They think I can decide to be sad, or happy, or angry?”

“You already do, to a lesser degree than they think you can.”

Tibs shook his head. “That’s not how it works. Emotions just happen and I learn to cope with them.”

“You’ve learned to see your anger approaching and take steps to keep it from taking over.”

“Because I don’t have a choice. I’m the one who destroyed what’s Market Place now. I was so angry Sebastian was escaping I didn’t care what burned along with him. Only he got away and I killed a lot of people.”

“I thought he’d done that. Some magic to cover his escape.”

“Jackal spread that story so no one would wonder how it happened.”

“And it isn’t fire that made you uncontrollably angry? That was before you controlled it, right?”

“Fire doesn’t make me angry. He makes what I’m feeling more so. I was already filled with rage. I knew what would happen if I channeled fire. I just didn’t care.”

Don was silent. “I’m sorry.”

Tibs nodded.

“But it does show you can make a choice. You learned it as a consequence of what you did, but you learned. The belief of Oneness says that if we learn to recognize those moments with all our emotions, we can learn to make that choice each time.”

“Don, I don’t think that because some people believe they can control how they feel that it means it’s real.”

“All right. Then tell me what you have to lose by trying it.”

* * * * *

Tibs walked through Market Place, fuming.

Breathing.

He’d spent a fucking hour breathing because those One people said that by listing to his breathing, he could learn to recognize his emotion and control them. Well, he was annoyed. He recognized it, and he fucking wanted to feel it.

It seemed that what he had to lose in trying that stuff was time.

Something he already had little of already. He should be at the inn right now, going over the papers to make sure the merchants weren’t using the dungeon being closed as an excuse to short him. Or rather, which ones were doing it. But he wanted to be annoyed right now and that wouldn’t be conductive to getting work done. So here I was, pacing Market Place, enjoying candies.

Well, trying to enjoy them. Crushing and swallowing them in annoyance made that short-lived.

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” A punch followed the scream and Quigly staggered back.

Tibs took a step to help his friend and stop as Cross stomped into view.

“I think I have a say in the matter,” the warrior said, rubbing his jaw.

“The only thing you get to say is how the fuck it happened. I’ve taken precautions!”

Tibs turned around. He wasn’t getting in the middle of that.

* * * * *

Darran looked through the pages carefully. He even raised one to the window for the light to hit the back and searched for something. “How many did you say you have?”

“Five stacks of two and seven. But they aren’t the same from one stack to the other. What are they?”

The merchant looked at the page in the light before putting it down. “These are Promises.”

“What do they promise?”

“This one—” he tapped it, “—promises that whoever brings it to the coffers of the Kingdom of Arliase, they will be given ten bars of platinum.”

“Okay.” Tibs hesitated. Platinum was a type of coin and Archer had said a bar was worth stacks of that coin. “How much is a bar of platinum worth?”

Darran laughed. “Tibs, remember how you were afraid the guild would own you forever because they charge you three gold each time you train with your teacher?”

“I wasn’t afraid. I was angry.”

The merchant waved the comment aside. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore. A few of those Promises will pay everything you owe. The moment you reach Epsilon, you will be free.”

Not that he planned on waiting that long.

“I’d think you’d be happier about it.”

“I guess it’s too much for me to understand.”

Darran studied him. “I guess it can be.” He handed him the page back. “Keep that safe. It can be used by anyone who takes it. It’s why I expect those you took it from had it well guarded.”

“They’re in the safest place in town.”

“Which is?”

Tibs chuckled and handed the page back. “You can have that one.”

Darran stepped away. “Tibs, I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” he asked, suspicious.

“I’m a simple merchant. I couldn’t take this from you.”

“You could if you wanted to. Or is it that I’m giving it, and not that you’re taking it, which bothers you?”

Darran’s smile was small and quickly hidden. “Well, if you insist.” A quick motion and the page was out of Tibs’s fingers and vanished within the layers of the merchant’s clothing.

“When I’ll want to use one of them. Can you handle that, or do I need to go to that kingdom?”

“If you need so much money, it might be best to simply hand one of them to the person you’re paying. Just make sure they don’t know you have more.”

“What if I need to pay many people?”

“Are you planning on taking over a kingdom?”

Tibs shrugged. “I’m just trying to understand what I can do.”

“You can do anything you want.” Darran exclaimed.

Tibs wished that was true.