Today's writing: Friendship is Deceptive (Patreon)

(Yesterday's writing didn't save, so starting over.)

ACCOUNTABILITY:

WORD GOAL MONTH TO DATE: 18,000

ACTUAL WORDS WRITTEN (INCLUDING THIS): 4,780

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(note: two first-draft chapters of this project are in hand: once I have five edited chapters they'll all go up at once)

FRIENDSHIP IS DECEPTIVE

Chapter 3: Meeting the Neighbors (The Ticket Master)

"HEY, STARSCREAM!"

Starscream looked up from the book he'd been reading (such primitive data storage devices, bah) just in time for the little cardboard tube to strike him directly between the eyes. "WHO DARES?" he shouted.

"We're outta toilet paper," Rumble said, stepping out of the guard house's first-floor bathroom. "Go out and get us some more."

Starscream set down the book and pushed himself off the chair he'd been sitting on. Spreading his wings without thinking about it, he stared down the diminuitive purple earth pony. "Do you remember who you're talking to?" he asked. "I am vice commander of the Decepticons! I am so far above you that I have difficulty seeing you even at extreme magnification! I-"

"Yeah, an' you're the one who explained to us what toilet paper is for!" Rumble snapped. "And we're out. So since you know so much about it, go find us some more!"

"Hey, Starscream?" Thundercracker muttered, pulling his own muzzle out of a bowl. "if you're going out, we're out of these Frosted Hay-Bales things, too." He put his face back into the bowl and returned to munching with quiet sounds of satisfaction.

"Hey, 'Cracker," Rumble said, "you know what you're doin' there? That's what causes th' need for toilet paper."

"Gotta keep th' energon topped up," Thundercracker said between loud crunching bites. "Never know when you'll be ordered to-"

"Wait a moment..." Starscream turned his attention to Thundercracker, and to the tall empty cardboard box next to him. "I had that box carefully hidden! How did you find my hiding place?"

"efforts at concealment: futile," Soundwave answered for Thundercracker. The dark blue unicorn levitatated one of the sugar-coated rolls of edible cellulose towards his mouth and added, "skill demonstrated in the attempt: laughable."

Starscream snorted. "I see how it is," he muttered. "Very well, I shall go out later in the day and get more food and other necessities. But I thought we'd have enough." He walked over to the cabinets of the barracks kitchen and opened a couple of doors, revealing a handful of cans and a couple of already half-empty bags. "Either these organic energy sources are even more inefficient than we suspected, or these new bodies are burning through them as if we were in constant battle!"

"An insightful observation, Starscream." Megatron walked in from the armory, dressed in his full guard armor. "Mechanical creatures such as us- as we were," he growled, flexing a forehoof in the exact same motion he'd once used to clench a fist, "are capable of entering low-power operation modes. These inferior organic bodies cannot control their metabolisms so finely, so they remain naturally set at a level that prepares them to fight or flee for their lives at any moment." He smiled at Starscream- and, Starscream noted, like most of Megatron's smiles it lay about three-quarters of the way to a sneer- and asked, "Is that not a scientific assessment?"

"A... most interesting hypothesis, Lord Megatron," Starscream mumbled. Clearing his throat, he continued, "But in any case, it does present issues for our resources- specifically money." He walked over to a slate on the wall, wrapped his wingtip around one of the old chunks of chalk, and began writing sums on the board. "We've been in this world four days, roughly speaking," he continued. "The supplies I bought two days ago were supposed to have lasted us two weeks. Fourteen days. Now it appears they might not last us four days."

"Good morning, fellow Decepticons." Buzzsaw glided down the stairway from the second floor. "Starscream, where did you put that 'pet food' substance? I'm feeling a bit..." The robotic buzzard turned eagle-like griffon looked at all the eyes staring at him. "Ah, did I interrupt something? Then I'll just take the pet food and-"

A loud and savage snarl from the corner made it clear that Ravage would retrieve the brightly colored sack of Kitty Kibble from the cooling corpse of anyone who dared to take it.

"As I was saying," Starscream continued, "with our excessive need to eat-"

"And the other thing!" Rumble insisted, kicking around the empty toilet paper roll on one hoof.

"Er... to eat, and to excrete," Starscream continued, "and to exercise proper hygeine for organic creatures, plus whatever social duties or other needs I haven't figured out yet, the starter fund Princess Celestia gave us isn't going to last long. And once that's gone, we'll have to feed ten of us on two guard salaries."

"Then what do you propose?" Megatron asked pointedly.

"You have your job guarding the town," Starscream said. "And I spend all day reading every scrap of data this society has about itself so we can better fit in. Once I'm done with that I can begin researching a way home. But has anyone else even left this stone shanty since we moved in?"

"Yeah. Laserbeak," Rumble said. "He was out all day yesterday and didn't come back until dusk."

"He left before dawn this morning, too," Buzzsaw nodded. "He told me he was scouting the area. I elected not to join him. My brother is best taken in small doses."

The other Decepticons nodded, even Megatron. When it came to Laserbeak, silence was not golden; it was much more valuable, mostly for its rarity.

"Well, there you are, then," Starscream said. "Out of the ten of us, two have jobs. That needs to change." He glared at the Decepticon ponies who weren't Megatron and shouted, "At least some of these lazy bots need to get out of here and go to work!!"

"Work?" Skywarp barely moved from where he lay on his back on a ceiling joist. "Listen, Starscream, if I'd wanted to work I woulda joined the Autobots! They work. Deceptions rule!"

"Skywarp..."

The pegasus on the joist froze, then carefully rolled over on his perch to look down on the armor-clad unicorn. "Yeah, Megatron?" he asked meekly.

"Which of us here is the strongest Decepticon?" To prove Megatron's point, a yellow field of light rose from his horn and enveloped Skywarp, effortlessly removing him from his perch and levitating him down to eye level.

"Um... you are, Meg- um, Lord Megatron." Skywarp squirmed in the magical grip, feeling it tighten just a little uncomfortably. From the look on his face, Starscream guessed he'd figured out just how much trouble his mouth had put him in a little too late.

"That's right!" Megatron congratulated Skywarp sarcastically. "I am the strongest. And that means..." The light pulled Skywarp right up to Megatron's face, where the leader's yellow eyes could bore straight into the ex-Seeker's red ones. "... that means, if I say you work... YOU WORK!" The magic light flared, and Skywarp went tumbling out into the foyer of the guardhouse, crashing against the far wall with a grunt of pain. 

Starscream couldn't help but flinch as Megatron turned his angry look his way, but he relaxed as that look panned across him to take in all the Decepticons present. "As much as it pains me to admit it," Megatron continued, "Starscream is right. I didn't make you my elite team of warriors so you could lounge about all day doing nothing! Enough idleness!" 

He jabbed a hoof towards the foyer and the main doors to the outside world. "If Starscream and Laserbeak can learn more about this world we've been brought to, so can the rest of you! From now on, every day you all go out and interact with the natives. Find out what they're good at. Find out what you're good at. And then find a way to do it that brings in the money we need to survive here!"

From the foyer a woozy voice called out, "What if I'm good at robbin' banks?"

Megatron's growl made Starscream step backwards a moment before he realized, again, it wasn't directed at him. "Then, Skywarp, you will keep that knowledge to yourself until I say otherwise!" Megatron snapped. "We are still in an uncertain and precarious situation here. I will not tolerate it being endangered by any ill-conceived notions like petty theft!" 

Again his gaze went around the room. "We were lords of Cybertron- lords of the galaxy!- back home. But we are not home now. Here we are outnumbered and outpowered- and we don't even know how badly we're outpowered! So until I say otherwise, stay out of trouble! Or else you can join Frenzy in the cells!"

Starscream didn't bother suppressing the smirk that brought on. Frenzy had tried to start a fight with a strange pony on the street the day before. Megatron had ordered him confined to one of the guardhouse's three jail cells for ten days- five for trying to punch out an earth pony twice his size, and five for making Megatron apologize on Frenzy's behalf. The confinement and boredom was driving the little red pony crazy, but crazy in silence, since Megatron had threatened to add a day to the punishment every time Frenzy complained.

In Frenzy's case, silence was platinum.

"Starscream!" Megatron's bark brought Starscream's attention back to the here and now. "Give me, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Soundwave and Buzzsaw twenty of these... bit coins... each. Ten for Rumble." One last time his glare scanned the room. "Do not feel compelled to spend every last coin. We have a limited supply." Now he did glare at Starscream, but not the kind of glare that threatened immediate violence. "How limited exactly, Starscream?"

"Less than six weeks with seventy bits a day on top of the basic necessities," Starscream said, looking at the numbers he'd put on the chalkboard and finishing the math in his head.

"Just so," Megatron nodded. "Very limited. So don't waste them!" Without a further word he stomped out of the dining area, through the foyer and out into the Ponyville town square. 

"Hey, Cracker," Rumble said as he walked up to Starscream. "What are you gonna buy with your bits?"

"Something to eat," Thundercracker said. "Those Frosted Mini-Bales are okay, but the bagged oats get old quick. These squishies have got to have something better."

"examples of consumer electronics required," Soundwave chipped in. "Purpose: technological analysis."

"I believe I shall browse the tool shops," Buzzsaw said. "Or possibly the art galleries, if they have any. A true artist always seeks inspiration, after all."

"Just you watch your spending," Starscream grumbled, going to the old safe where they'd stashed the fund provided by Celestia and Luna to set up the Decepticons in Ponyville. "And if Megatron doesn't think your purchases were worth it, don't come crying to me!"

"Yeah, no danger of that, Starscream," Rumble muttered. 

Starscream decided to pretend he hadn't heard that.