SNEAK PREVIEW: Changeling Space Program Chapter 11 Excerpt (Patreon)

I'm not dead! In fact, I got almost all of Changeling Space Program Mission R1's flight written during last weekend's otherwise lousy convention. 

However, I'm not going to post that, because it would be too spoilerific- and because it's also a major downer, and I want to show off some of the funny instead.

So, here's the scene just before the launch, EXCLUSIVELY for my Patrons!

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Twilight Sparkle fluttered her wings, backspilling just enough to allow her to settle down onto the gravel of Horseton Space Center’s aeroplane runway. Above her dozens of pegasi and even a couple of griffons and a dragon circled around the field, while over on a tower next to Cherry Berry’s hangar a changeling in a bright yellow vest and hard hat waved two hoof-lights to guide the traffic pattern overhead(236). 

Only part of the crowd could be blamed on the next day’s launch. The large hay field between the space center buildings and the eastern edge of the property, which normally sat empty except for a handful of cows, was now mostly full of carnival, with brightly lit fun-fair rides, midway games of various kinds, and all manner of unhealthy deep-fried snacks(237). Horseton’s annual Hearth’s Warming Fair this year was the biggest and best any of the locals could recall, and the influx of tourists on what would have been the last evening only made it better(238).

And rushing up from the crowd of hay-carts and wagons near the livestock judging(239) tent came a changeling and a minotaur rushing to meet their highest ranking VIP.

“Welcome, Your Highness!” Occupant called out cheerfully, trotting up the bank of the elevated roadway to meet Twilight. The towering Marked Knee was barely a step behind him, his short legs bounding up the slope without effort. “Good to see you! We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow morning!”

“I have to fly back to Ponyville immediately after the launch,” Twilight said. “Hearth’s Warming Eve is the day after tomorrow, so I have to be ready for all my princessly duties. But I just couldn’t stay away from this!” The purple princess bounced on her hooves, wings twitching strong enough to turn the bounce into a slow float back to earth. “The first flight of an automated rocket! Think of the possibilities! We could send science experiments to distant planets and retrieve the data without risking a pony’s life!”

“Oh, but there are greater possibilities!!”Marked Knee noted. “Since the control system relies on modulated electromagnetic radiation rather than a magic array, the system is much more economical than technomantic devices like the new television or,” and he paused for a moment to express his full disgust at the next two words, “video games!!” Recovering his normal happy enthusiasm, he continued, “The applications beyond spaceflight boggle the mind!! Imagine this tangle,” he waved at the confused crowd of flyers in the late afternoon sky, “organized with the same kind of wired headsets used in concerts and theater today! Except without wires! Ponies communicating at a distance without wires or magic! We could bring concerts into the home! We might even replace television with an entirely electronic-“

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Twilight said, waving down the minotaur before he could explode with enthusiasm(240). “But let’s stick with space flight for now. You’re testing something unprecedented in the history of ponykind.” She shuffled her hooves a bit before mustering up the courage to ask, “Can I see it?”

“I’m afraid not,” Occupant said. “The assembly crew already has it in the VAB. It’s not safe to go in there right now, either for you or for Shotputnik.”

“Oh,” said Twilight, her heart sinking. “I had been hoping…”

“Yeah, me too!” a giant walking pile of assorted carnival goodies said. 

Alicorn, changeling and minotaur jumped, startled by the new voice. Twilight Sparkle recovered first- after all, she knew that voice very well. “Pinkie? What are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn’t set hoof in a space center again!”

“No,” Pinkie Pie said patiently, poking her head out between a foot-long haydog and a wad of blue cotton candy. “I said I couldn’t set hoof at Cape Friendship ever again.” She shuddered a little at the name, but continued, “But here I’m just fine.” 

Twilight gave Pinkie a deep look right in the eyes. Usually that was about as revealing as trying to read a book that was in another room… of another house… with the lights out.(241) But this time, for once, Twilight thought she saw something different in Pinkie’s usually innocent, oblivious nature… as if she was being happy and cheerful about being near a space launch center through an effort of will, rather than naturally. 

And then Marked Knee broke the moment. “But you haven’t answered the question!!” he said. “What are you doing here??”

“Spying,” Pinkie Pie said matter-of-factly. “Funnel cake?” One of the cakes in the massive pile of snacks rose slightly and waggled itself in the direction of the minotaur.

Shaking his head, Marked Knee asked, “What kind of espionage strategy is it, when the spy walks up to the people in charge, announces herself as a spy, and offers up a fried pastry??”

Pinkie Pie paused for a moment’s thought. “Bribery?” she suggested.

Loud smacking and chomping sounds interrupted Marked Knee’s response. Occupant had accepted a chocolate-drizzled funnel cake and was noshing on it most industriously. “Hey, it works,” he said.(242)

Marked Knee took a deep breath. Somehow he’d found himself put in the role of Only Sane Mare, a role for which he was multiply unsuited.(243) “Normally a spy doesn’t tell the people she’s spying on-“

A lavender hoof reached up(244) and stilled the minotaur’s lips. “You should probably just stop there,” Twilight Sparkle said. “You were about to use the word ‘normal’ in connection with Pinkie Pie. That never ends well.” She smiled a little sheepishly as she settled back to all fours, adding, “I speak from experience.”

A loud growl drew attention back to Pinkie Pie, who looked both red-faced and cheerful. “Whoops!” she said. “Swishy-tail, blushy-face, tummy-rumble! That means we’re about to get a visit from someone who’s really angry and needs some comfort food!”

Almost on cue the sound of a magic-powered motor rose above the hubbub of the tourists and the fun fair.  High overhead,  Cherry Berry’s biplane circled around for a landing approach. 

“Wow!” Pinkie Pie chirped. “I guess she found a clear field after all! But she’s cutting it close- I don’t think she’s qualified for night flying!”

Marked Knee and Occupant looked at one another nervously. Both knew that Cherry Berry, though normally of a sweet and timid disposition, could get downright vicious on matters related to flight. “Maybe we should stay out of her way for a while,” Occupant suggested. 

“Who, Cherry?” Pinkie Pie asked. “She’s only annoyed. THAT,” she added, gesturing to the west end of the runway, “is the pony who’s really angry!”

And there, just visible against the setting sun, was Chrysalis’s personal air chariot, coming in for a landing behind four tired but determined-looking changelings in full armor. The sole passenger, although she wore no armor, nonetheless looked even more intent on mayhem than the warriors pulling the chariot.

Occupant and Marked Knee looked at one another. They had, up to this point, put out of their minds the obvious prospect of what would happen when Chrysalis and/or Cherry Berry learned about the launch. So far as either had thought about it at all, they’d put it out of mind by hoping that neither would take notice until the flight was done and over successfully. Now that the moment had come, neither minotaur nor changeling wanted to be the one to face the imminent dressing-down (245). 

And then the Princess of Friendship offered them a way out. “I’m not surprised,” she said. “With that many ponies in the landing pattern, I’d be annoyed too.” She smiled as she added, “Actually, this gives me an opportunity to discuss some important business with her! I was afraid it would have to wait until springtime, but…”

The rest of Twilight Sparkle’s sentence went unheard by Marked Knee and Occupant. For the second time in thirty seconds the two locked eyes and shared a single thought; so long as the princess is around, we’re safe from retribution. All we have to do is stick as close to Twilight Sparkle as possible, as long as possible. 

Without a word, the instant Twilight turned to face the runway and the approaching chariot, Occupant and Marked Knee took one subtle step closer to, and behind, the alicorn.

Chrysalis took in the scene with one glance as she stepped off the chariot, sizing up the situation instantly. “Good evening, Princess,” she said smoothly. “I trust my loyal, faithful, and obedient…” and here she stressed each adjective as leadenly as possible without descending into outright sarcasm, “…staff have made you welcome.”

“Oh, I just got here myself,” Twilight Sparkle assured her, oblivious to the less than subtle message. “I really wasn’t expecting to run into you, but since you’re here-“

“Oh, please!” Chrysalis smiled most cordially(246). “This is Hearth’s Warming, or so I’m told! I have left the operations of Horseton Space Center in the hooves of my competent,” she said with a snarl, “and loyal,” adding even more snarl, “subordinates.” She gestured one perforated hoof in their direction (causing Occupant to flinch) and added, “If you have business to discuss, speak with them, not me.”

“Well, I did have a request to make,” Twilight admitted, “but-“

“Well, there you are, then!” Chrysalis crowed. “Take it up with Occupant, who of course has assumed total responsibility for everything that happens tomorrow. I am completely uninvolved.” Chrysalis ceased displaying her fangs long enough to give an honest, chilling glare at both Occupant and Marked Knee in turn as she added, “Of course, once the mission is complete I will have quite a number of questions for them.” 

The naked threat flustered Twilight, but after a moment’s thought she obviously decided to ignore it. “Well, in that case-“ 

“Hiya!” That moment’s thought had been all the time necessary for Pinkie Pie to break into the conversation. From within the immense pile of unhealthy festival food in her hooves she managed to produce a smallish rectangular box. “Happy Hearth’s Warming! I knew you’d need this!” She waggled the box vaguely in Chrysalis’s direction. 

Momentarily jostled out of her anger, the queen lifted the box with her magic and flipped up the lid. Inside lay a small custom chocolate cookie with dark chocolate chips. Written on it, in chocolate icing, was the message: World’s Evillest Tyrant!

Chrysalis’s face took on a complex and completely unreadable expression. “Thank you,” she said quietly, “I’ll enjoy it later.”(247)

“THERE YOU ARE!”

Cherry Berry, aeronaut helmet and goggles still on her head, galloped down the embankment towards the group. “What the BUCK were you THINKING?” she shrieked. “When I get my hooves on you I’ll-“

“Hiya, Cherry!” Pinkie called out, having almost instantly placed herself between the enraged earth pony and the others. “Want a snack? I’m pretty sure I’ve got a cherry fried pie here somewhere!”

“Pinkie??” Cherry Berry skidded to a stop from shock. “You were in Ponyville at noon today! I flew straight here! How did you get here before me?”

“Weeeeeeeeell,” Pinkie Pie drawled, “I took the 1:15 train to Canterlot, then caught the 3:45 airship flight to Manehattan, but we were redirected to Rainbow Falls, so I took the 9:15 from there to Tall Tale, which got there just too late for me to catch the 7:48 to Dodge Junction, so instead I had to take the 6:05 to the Crystal Empire, made my connection on the 10:11 express to Trottingham, but then I didn’t have the money for the 4:14 red-eye to Baltimare, so I had to join a band of travelling minstrels, roaming the land and spreading joy wherever we went…”

Cherry Berry’s jaw had gone slack and her eyes had glazed over(248). 

Twilight Sparkle nudged Occupant and said to Marked Knee, “I think this is the part where we leave.”

“But… but the timetable-“

Twilight nudged Marked Knee’s knee. “Just repeat to yourself, ‘I will not try to explain Pinkie Pie,” the princess said. “Now shall we go?”

Chrysalis, being no fool, had departed long before.

“Y-yes, Princess,” Occupant said, breaking away from his hypnosis. As the trio walked away from the chattering Pinkie and her victim, he added, “What kind of business did you want to discuss?”

“I’m working on a design for a heavy-lift mission,” Twilight said. “But I need to know how lateral decouplers will function at high speed in the upper atmosphere. I wasn’t planning a flight until at least spring, but-“

“Say no more!!” Marked Knee said. “We can dry-fire a decoupler on this mission!! We have more than enough delta-v to spare for our lightweight craft!!”

“Er… for a reasonable fee,” Occupant added. “Let’s go to my office and do the paperwork.”

Footnotes: 

(236) Because a princess always gets top landing priority, even if it’s not your princess.

(237) And a handful of cows, two of whom had teamed up to make one particular bunco operator very unhappy. Cows get very little in the way of spending money, and they take serious exception to ponies who run rigged milk-bottle ball-toss games. For the record, they ruined her day not by smashing her booth but by stealthily interfering in the game so that every pony’s toss- every toss- knocked over all three of the normally immobile stone bottles. Cows do not like to cause a commotion, because no cow wants to be that horribly embarrassing cow that starts the stampede. 

(238) The carnival ponies certainly didn’t object. Horseton was usually a small event, one last little showing for next to no expense before the operation shut down for winter. Having a crowd each day ten times the size of Horseton’s entire population a year before meant huge piles of found money… except for the one crooked ball-toss pony, who left the weekend a broken mare in more than one respect.

(239) In Equestria local fairs are about more than fun, rides, food, and produce. Since most farm animals on Equus are intelligent, and a few (cows, for example) can actually speak, they are considered entitled to some due process of law. In the Livestock Judging the farm animals of an area air their grievances, reach settlements, and mete out justice for minor crimes. Meritorious conduct is also recognized with Good Show awards, with most fairs giving out an award for the most noble act by a farm animal in the previous year, Best Show.

(240) The phenomenon is not unknown among ponies. Some have even been known to explode twice.

(241) This isn’t the best analogy, since Twilight Sparkle had actually done this once or twice, at a huge expense of magical energy, but she’d never successfully read Pinkie Pie’s thoughts by looking at her. But for most ponies who aren’t supremely magical ponies and excruciatingly bibliophilic, it still holds up.

(242) There are those who say that chocolate is no substitute for love. Three out of five changelings say they are wrong.

(243) Leaving aside the obvious point, which is more an artifact of the ancient influence of matriarchal society on the Equestrian language, Marked Knee had never been in a position to explain why someone else’s view of the world was at odds with reality. Also, though he thought himself quite eminently sane just like any other minotaur, it never occurred to him that minotaurs, as a species, tend to be utterly bonkers in one fashion or another. His particular flavor of bonkers (athletic, over-enthusiastic, and technology-obsessed) just happened to dovetail with that of many if not most other minotaurs, not least his colleagues from what had been the Minotaur Rocket Project.

(244) With the aid of wings. Only Celestia and possibly Luna could stand on their hind legs to put a hoof on the muzzle of a minotaur of normal stature, and Marked Knee was a bit tall for his species.

(245) Particularly in Occupant’s case, since he knew very well Chrysalis was not above carrying out said dressing-down literally. Since changelings were even less likely than ponies to wear clothing in the first place, this usually began with the removal of chitin and/or skin. 

(246) Or possibly cardially, since despite her honey-sweet tone she looked ready to lunge for somepony’s jugular. But if the corners of the mouth are turned up and teeth are showing, by the dictionary it counts as a smile…

(247) On the one hoof, Chrysalis was one of those changelings who didn’t see the appeal of chocolate. In fact, she could barely stomach any tangible food at all, and the cookie represented about twice her stomach capacity. On the other hoof, she could smell the complex emotion of Willing-to-Forgive-Past-Wrongs-To-Be-Friends Pinkie had leaked all over the thing, which made her mouth water. And then there was the message, which even as an empty compliment touched something deep within her, giving her a moment’s hope that someone else really understood her…

(248) A very common symptom in ponies subjected to one of Pinkie’s explanations, particularly when the explanation raised many more questions than it answered.