Sh*tty Move Night: Orgazmo (1997) (Patreon)

Rae’s Rating: 🍆💦💦

Watch via: You can rent it on various services! (Sorry it’s not streamable)

Our current sh*tty movie night theme is: “Movies you weren’t allowed to watch as a kid.” Now, growing up a Mormon kid from Utah, that basically meant “all R-rated movies” which is pretty hard to narrow down. My parents weren’t total squares though; my mom loooooves movies and we watched a lot of them (yes, even a few R-rated ones but only if they were rated that for historical violence!). I haven’t had my turn to bring a taboo movie yet, but this gem was brought by friend-of-the-pod and sh*tty movie night alum, GordyBaby.

Gordy was not raised Mormon, but said he wasn’t allowed to watch this movie because of the title 😂And I’m sure it doesn’t help that it was rated NC-17, which is frankly a baffling rating for this movie. Sure, there’s some sex, a lot of innuendo, nudity, etc, but it’s not any worse than some other movies (although that list does sound pretty damning). Ian says this decision by the MPAA was “a whole thing.” Maybe we’ll do a “The MPAA is a Sh*t Show” episode one day…

There’s something really special about a group of former Mormons (aka Fo-Mos) and their never-been-Mormon partners watching a Trey Parker film about a Mormon Missionary in LA who becomes a porn star. This movie was an urban legend growing up in Utah; people knew it existed and talked about it, but no one would dare watch it because, you know, blasphemy and what not. I remember this movie and SLC Punk being very loudly embraced by the counter culture and angsty teens who were mad about their overly religious upbringing. They were both a bit of an anomaly for the time, because most people either knew nothing about Utah-Mormon culture or just latched on hard to the polygamy thing. Thinking about it now, was the Richard Dutcher Film, God’s Army, a direct response to Orgazmo?! Was Dutcher like, “Naw, I gotta set the record straight about Mormon Missionaries - they definitely don’t do porn.”

We spent a lot of time pausing the film to have super intellectual discussions (aka increasingly loud yelling) about how unrealistic a lot of the Mormon & missionary details were in this movie. Like being able to call home whenever you want, or having ANY time away from your companion ever, or a temple wedding being expensive (not a thing).

But honestly none of that really matters and it’s just a ridiculous starting point for a fish out of water story and sex jokes.

In case you weren’t aware, I have a deep deep love for Trey Parker and Matt Stone and although this is FAR from their best work, there are still some excellent Matt&Trey moments. Between this movie, the “All About Mormons” episode of South Park, and the Book of Mormon musical… it’s safe to say they have kind of a thing for the religion and its people. Irreverent? Yes. Offensive? Probably. But also deeply hilarious, especially if it’s part of your experience.

The story is pretty silly - Missionary Joe Young gets cast in a porn film as “Orgazmo,” a superhero who fights crime with the the use of his aptly named Orgazmorator. Joe is cast for his sweet martial arts skills (Orgazmo does have to fight as well as f*ck after all) but, as you can imagine, he is a bit trepidatious about the actual porn part of starring in a porn flick. No problem, that’s what the stunk cock is for! (drink!) Also, he could really use that money to help afford the wedding of his dreams to fiancé, Lisa.

Then MIT-grad-turned-porn-star-sidekick Choda Boy (yes.) happens to invent an actual Orgazmorator, which the two of them must use to fight actual crime when their favorite sushi spot gets the shake down from the porno mafia. (But not before trying the Orgazmorator out on unsuspecting civilians, which a friend pointed out is technically sexual assault.)

The BoM Musical and the later seasons of South Park are way better and have more nuanced humor than their earlier, juvenile films like Orgazmo, but this was still a pretty fun watch for a bad movie night.

Honestly, Matt Stone is absolutely the best part of this movie. THIS FACE, I mean c’mon!

"That's some hot shit right there!"

And I know it’s offensive, but I can’t help but laugh every time he says, “I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nuthin…” Also, Depeche Mode IS a sweet band and unicorns are pretty kick ass.

ALSO. did you guys know that Trey Parker’s full name is Randolph Severn Parker III, named after his dad “Randy”?! See, this is the kind of basic Wikipedia reading that I never do because Ian usually just tells me these things. If I ever meet Trey Parker, I really want to ask him what his dad thinks about his eponymous character from South Park.

Drink When:

• Someone slaps their butt
• “Stunt cock!”
• Whenever Matt Stone makes this face 😲
• Man butt
• Trey Parker uses a South Park voice
• Weird phone goodbyes
• Nuanced Mormon inaccuracies (if you know what they are!)
• Someone is hit by the Orgazmorator!

Recipe: Sperm Shot!

• 1 oz vanilla vodka
• 1 oz watermelon pucker
• OR! If you don’t want a shot (because who does) then:
• Fill a tumbler glass with ice, pour the liquor in first and fill the rest of the glass with 7-up!
• Optional:  If you’re feeling sassy, rim the glass with pink sprinkles