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Hospital, Hallucinations, Vulnerability (Patreon)

Published:
2023-07-09 18:51:52
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2026-06
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Content

I seem a bit slow in the beginning but I was sedated a bit lol but I feel a bit better today. love u lots :)

Comments

Anonymous

Let tempest clean the air and get well soon ❤️

Anonymous

Sara all of your feelings are 100% valid. Anyone telling you to "sort your shit out" or that you're bothering them by seeking help is just being rude and uncaring. You keep saying that other people are going through worse and that your life isn't that bad so you shouldn't feel bad or upset at all, etc, but just because others are going through hard times doesn't discredit your own hardships or make them any less meaningful. Everyone is different and has their own battles they're fighting, whether others can see them or not. Some of the most successful people in the world still struggle with depression after all. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time and not having anyone there be more understanding or helpful towards you. I'm glad your patreon supporters are helping you get through this at least, and I hope my messages can at least cheer you up a little bit as well :) Really wishing you all the best and I hope you can get some sleep soon. Love you Sara 💜

Anonymous

Miss M you are helping a lot of us more than you know. I suffer from insomnia also and it is a curse. Thank you for being so vulnerable.

Anonymous

I can feel it in my soul when you were taking about feeling emotions to much! It’s beautiful because the feeling of Love is just so euphoric but if it goes the opposite waves of feelings just engulf you to the point you can’t bare it! The highs are only matched by the lows, and unless someone has experienced it themselves there is no way to put into words how you can’t just “turn it off” so to speak. The fact your housemates not only can’t see that, but make you feel guilty for it, just crushes me 💔 I wish you lived in a healthy support system. I can’t thank my mom enough for being that way for me but it’s because she understands it as she suffers from Depression and it runs in the family. Mine is more Anxiety based but the general understanding of having huge feelings you didn’t ask for is what makes her get it. I wouldn’t be alive without her! LITERALLY❤️Just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I understand your pain and would not wish it on my worst enemy! You are not crazy and you are DEFINITELY not selfish. I always get that feeling when Im sad or anxious and then think I’m being ungrateful because others have it worse. You can’t compare your life to others when it comes to suffering. We all suffer and that is a part of life. You are Valid for feeling the way you do. You didn’t ask for it, and the fact you even feel like your ungrateful, is a sign you are not. Someone who is truly ungrateful wouldn’t feel they were being ungrateful. I Love you more than life itself Sara! (In a non creepy way) but in a human compassion and Understanding way. ❤️ we are here for you as long as you need us!

SnipFred

This was heartbreaking to watch. I completely relate to the part where you said you wish you were a sociopath. I find myself caring too much as well, I guess you can put it like that, and it sucks that when you're in that position you just get hurt a lot more. I'm really grateful that you post on here still, your videos mean a lot more then you could imagine. Stay strong Sara ❤

Tony Avila

😔😔😢😢🖤🖤💌💌

Anonymous

Your housemates are the selfish pricks here. You were having a legitimate crisis and they made it about themselves. (Losers) Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience. Talking about these kinds of things helps other people talk and share and that's how people can better help each other through communication. Everyone has issues one way or another whether it be mental, physical or a combination. All are valid and real for the individual. Discounting your own problems can make them worse because you might not take them seriously. Seeking help and reaching out is a good thing. Sounds like you need to find better housemates and/or friends who are more mature and less self involved ;) MM, we the patrons and your many YouTube subscribers love your art and you but we aren't really a substitute for real life connections to those around you. Feeling lonely and isolated sucks but it does help you appreciate the people that matter in your life all the more. Whether you have found them already or not :) Now having all these online friends certainly helps but we can't possibly know what your life is truly like. Sorry, I feel like I'm being a preachy dick but I absolutely mean well. Know that myself and many others here care about you and want to see you happy and healthy :) We wouldn't be patrons and subscribers otherwise ;) That's a direct result of your hard work and talent :) Sorry for droning on and on but hopefully my words of encouragement brings you some peace like you bring us with your exceptional skills and artistic wizardy :D. Much love to you from a grateful stranger :)

Anonymous

😢I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. It was incredibly brave of you to be this honest with us and I hope things get better soon. Remember, we all care about you and will help and support you as long as you need,stay strong Sara ❤️

Ben Chan

Firstly, that housemate's a dick - you're the one who had a medical issue and he chose to make you feel bad about it immediately afterwards?! It's good you're moving out. Secondly, I've definitely hallucinated when sleep-deprived, (it's almost always seeing people who aren't there, although one time I saw a life-sized cardboard standee of Captain America in the middle of my room and it wouldn't leave) Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. It's so much more typical of the human experience than the 99% of what people show online. Like you said, everyone goes through shit, but each person's shit is unique to themselves and we can't know. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share and that you do feel some sense of support from your friends here. (also glad you had company coming over - I hope that you had a nice time and were able to set aside your troubles for a bit) Hugs!! Love you!💚 Btw, did anyone else think Sara said "Feed the pigs" when she was talking about people emailing asking about "feet pics?" I had to listen to that several times before I got it 🤪

Anonymous
>>112548210

Great job supporting Sara since the beginning. You were one of the first to recognize just how amazing Sara is. And if it wasn't for you early Miss-M-Fans subscribing to her and boosting her channel, the YouTube algorithm might have never suggested her videos to me a year later. Thank you for that, and thank you for always being there for her.

Anonymous
>>112548210

Sounds like she really appreciates your support! Glad you've been there for her over the years 👍

Ben Chan
>>112548210

It should be said that Sara's been a great source of support for me as well!

Anonymous

Sara, your mind is the most amazing thing. The way you think and feel is not a curse, but a gift. Granted, sometimes it's a dark gift. Your thoughts and feelings are so beautiful and powerful, but the dark side of that intense beauty and power can also become wretched and terrifying. I don't have any easy answers for you. If anything, I think I have so much more to learn from you than you could possibly learn from me. And that's partly why I feel so lucky every chance I get to listen to you talk openly like this. Thank you for being so brave in your vulnerability. You help us all.

Anonymous

see i haven’t slept in a couple a days 5 days to be exact and im seeing things not major thing but shadows

Anonymous

Hallucinations - from personal experience - is the body's way of saying it is overwhelmed, having difficulty processing. Also that you may feel trapped by you current living circumstance. Your housemates seems like captain gaslight; master of the bad vibes! They're basically saying "put our needs before your own" - even if you need help. I was raised in a toxic household like that and it wasn't nice. I definitely think you should move. And perhaps take up lifedrawing or something so you don't feel so alone. There's people on here and insta etc that love your content and love you!- so you aren't alone in spirit. Remember you're marvelously creative, you basically created many trends which permeate asmr! And your travels, your shamanistic intuitions and artistic videos are inspirational! I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch and hope you get onto an even keel soon.

Anonymous

Your ability to open up and talk honestly about this experience is half the battle. So many people struggling with their mental health try to deny their situation, suppress it to put on a brave face for others which just adds to the toll it takes. I’m a father to 3 teenage daughters and my eldest has struggled with anxiety and insomnia for years now. While I do not know your specific details, I would like to share a few generalised pieces of advice that I hope can help… 1. Get out of your current living situation as soon as you can. Your housemates sound awful and very selfish. Their reaction to your emergency made my jaw hit the ground. You need a place where you feel safe and welcomed, you can’t be fighting battles on multiple fronts, and right now you need to focus on your own health, not worrying about your roommates. 2. If you aren’t doing it already, seek out a GP, ask for a mental health plan and try to talk to a therapist regularly. It is not an overnight cure, but it is an outlet, but more than that, they can give you advice on recognising triggers and methods for halting a spiral in its tracks. 3. I think a lot of people have been battling loneliness ever since Covid hit. We put up walls, became more insular, and less willing to interact with people. That didn’t go away as soon as lockdowns were lifted, I believe we’ll feel the social effects of that period for a long time to come. For younger people especially, I saw my youngest daughter miss out on some of the crucial experiences at school where the more intricate social development skills are formed, and the flow-on effects those have had now. But it is a big wide world out there, and I am sure you will find "your people" before long. Again, these may not apply to your situation, but I hope it can help in some way. I hope you begin to feel better soon, and find some comfort in the fact you have a community on here that appreciates and supports you for who you are. Much Love, Matthew

Anonymous

everybody is allowed to feel how they feel and nobody’s stress is more justified than others. we all go through things and i just hope you know you’re not alone in your feelings, and all your feelings are valid.

Jeff McMorrough

Don’t be embarrassed. We care. Sleep deprivation is rough on the body. You could also have had reactions to the meds with it. My mom gets crazy hallucinations on muscle relaxers. She was like “the avengers were in my room.” But like you, she knew it wasn’t real. So it’s not odd or uncommon and everything you’re feeling is so valid. And frak your housemate for that selfish reaction. You are so loved.

Anonymous

Please realize that you are so very loved by many. I know it’s not the same as real authentic relationships, but we are all here to support you and we care very much about you!

Shane

Hate seeing you like this... I've had problems with sleeping but never to that point of having hallucinations. I can only imagine what's that like. I'm sending all my love and I hope that you find a solution soon and you feel much better. 🙏🙏🙏 you also shouldn't feel embarrassed alot of us here love you and just want the best for you. ❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous

You’re doing alright! Just step by step, do things at your own pace🍵

Anonymous

I usually refrain from commenting as there are always many before me who have already conveyed my thoughts, in a much better way than I could ever type out. You are brave and show great strength in allowing us to see your vulnerabilities. It means a lot that you trust us so much. Please make sure that you reach out and get the help and support that you need and deserve. I truly hope that you can find the happiness and peace (or chaos) that you seek. We all love you and support you. ❤️

Mike Limitus

Bless your heart. You are loved by all! <3

Anonymous

Im just getting to this, sorry. Here's praying today you woke up smiling and rested. Don't dare judge yourself for putting this out there btw. You're awesome

Anonymous

so sorry youre struggling but hope making these videos and talking helps

Rachel Lobaugh

I know I’m a stranger but I’m a 32 year old creator also, a mom, a wife and I care for My grandparents who have dementia, I would gladly be your friend, you don’t have to feel lonely!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous

omg Sara you're soo brave for this <3

Luke

adding on to the love already posted!! :)

Anonymous

We're grateful for you, Sara

Anonymous

Sending love ❤️

Anonymous

There's no pain like existential pain. In my limited view you have accumulated a mountain of merits by way of your art and your sharing. Trust your feelings, trust your experiences... they're all guiding you to find yourself. Whatever else is happening, I hope you can bask a little in the thanks and praise you receive from your followers. Anxiety can be so painful and you are a superhero guiding thousands of us through it into the present moment. We love you. You got this!

KekKino

Well nothing I can say can help too much, yet that's like most advice, its more of little bits of support and the real work is the stuff you do for yourself. But I'm rooting for you! Don't feel you have to be perfect or always positive! Just try to not forget you're cool, chill and just the right amount of weird and that's bloody lovely

Anonymous

Hey Sara, just want to show you my support <3 I know you're gonna get through this but it's not easy. Much Love

Anonymous

hey miss manganese, ive been watching your youtube channel for around 3 years and joined your patron today because i have always wanted to get to know u more since u seemed like a unique and sweet person. I started sobbing as soon as u shed a tear because i have never related to something more and i completely understand where ur coming from when it comes to sleeping problems and feeling so lonely, and i hope you feel better and find a better place to stay soon <3

Anonymous

Smokes weed daily then moans about anxiety what a shock who would expect this girl would have mental issues that she’s self inflicting typical bum