some piano playing (Patreon)

I used to be so frustrated with myself when I was younger that I couldn't play piano infront of people ( camera too same thing ) , I had to be on my own in an empty house and a good time that the neighbours weren't back home, but I ended up realising that playing for myself was just enough, I made it to grade 6 but just realised I was regurgitating pure muscle memory as opposed to actually feeling the pieces. I haven't played In over a year. first video is my second time trying, and the final video is the first time I touched the piano since that year break ( as you can tell still both equally frustrated  - I just hate forgetting things) lol the fact im even uploading this here with all those mistakes when I know I can do better and have better technique, is crazy cause I would've NEVER showed that, but iit doesn't scare me as much as before I. just felt so grateful to feel a piano again. I was never techicnially VERY good at it, but I really really feel it, especially the Ludovico pieces. I would sell my kidney to go see his old live concerts, those albums make me feel soo much. but I treated myself yesterday and bought a ticket for his upcoming concert, its a new album, doesn't have as much nostalgic value to me than the others, but I still know im going to love it and im soooooooo excited I could cry.