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[M4A] Dom, Sub, Switch and why I think they're misused. - A Late night sfw ramble [Unedited] [Exclusive] (Patreon)

Published:
2021-02-07 10:01:00
Edited:
2024-05-06 01:20:45
Imported:
2021-02
Tags:

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Hi there Crew! Here's a short ramble of a monologue I had on dom, sub and switch roles. Please do let me know your thoughts on the matter, I am very curious! Also, I hope you like the idea of these Sunday posts. They'll just be Crew exclusives where I do whatever I feel like. Either rambling, making videos, maybe even make longer "working with crunchy" audios. Either way, It'll be a fun little expansion now that we have more patrons here! I love the idea of getting to know more new people through responses to my silly talks.Thank you for listening!

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vocablush

I can’t sleep with socks or pants on unless it’s absolutely freezing cold and even then I’ll often take them off if I’ve warmed up before passing out 🙈 I find your take on switches interesting, because at least with GWA tags, audios usually only get tagged [Switch] if the performer switches during the scene. In terms of it being used to describe people who like to be both submissive and dominant rather than just people who like to switch mid-scene, I didn’t know some people refer to that as vers/versatile. I’ve only heard vers used when people like being both a top and a bottom in queer sex (which coincidentally also some people call a “switch” but they’re in the minority and are usually corrected to use “vers” instead). When you brought up the language “working” in the sense that a majority of people have a shared understanding of how dom/sub are used in audios, even though you disagree with how they’re being used, I think you bring up an interesting point. Language evolves, and words often eventually change meaning depending on how they’re used. While it’s important to keep some standardisation in what words mean so people can communicate effectively, it’s inevitable that some words will be used differently colloquially than their dictionary definition, and often the dictionary will eventually change to reflect the common modern meaning. I feel like the dom/sub/switch terminology is kind of in a state of limbo between its original and its more common usage in the audio space. It’s not quite at a point where the meaning has changed for most people, as the audio sphere is still just a pocket of the internet. There’s probably plenty of kink adjacent spaces that agree with your understanding of the labels and think GWA is using them incorrectly. But it’s still so common in audio tags that people who only know the terms from online erotica will continue to use them to just describe who has more power or control in a scene, or as a label when describing themselves (regardless of how accurate others may interpret it). I think, if anything, instead of new terms coming about to describe power and control dynamics in scenes, we will instead come up with new terms to describe what you perceive dominant/submissive to mean. Dom/sub will continue to be understood as they’re used in audio tags, with that usage even becoming more popular in other spaces. And instead, we may see extra tags or descriptors pop up to describe the dominant/submissive actions that are performed. Also since you mentioned the [Gentle MDom] tag I just wanted to bring up that this is a tag I personally get really frustrated with, for similar reasons to your perspective on the misuse of dom/sub/switch. Like, what is gentle? Some people use it for content where it’s sweet and nice both verbally and physically. Other audios will tag it as “gentle” because they’re gentle with their words but still imply they’re being “rough” physically. Or you get the opposite, where the physicality is implied to be really soft, but then they’re also being harsh with their language. Other tags often help me to work out what to expect, but even then, if something is tagged [Gentle MDom] [degradation], then do I really know what to expect? Plenty of audios have fairly “soft” degradation where it’s a few choice words often paired with more sweet adjectives like “gorgeous ____” or “you’re a good _____”. But then others will mean that the degradation is really vile and the gentle tag is just there because the performer isn’t implied to be like throwing the listener around. It’s a big issue with tags in general that I wish I knew the answer to. When they’re helpful they can be amazing for finding or avoiding certain content, but without any standardisation (which I don’t think could be enforced beyond broad tags for trigger warnings, even if moderators tried) there is only the knowledge of how tags are used by the popular majority, which then perpetuates similar usage. Tags work for conveying information succinctly (which I clearly can’t do lol) but are only really a vague guide. I mostly agree with your takes here, however I don’t see the online erotica sphere changing any time soon. If anything it will keep spreading even more incorrect info about different kinks and dynamics. Sorry for the essay on the old post, I just really love thinking about bdsm and kink in this way. I majored in psychology at uni and my brain just eats this up haha thank you Crunch 💖

Phantasm Cat

Pfft, I've been speaking english my whole life and I still stumble with words. Blabbity blabbity blah~ This is an interesting topic. To me, though, I've never understood how one can stick to just one "role," and I have noticed these tags being misused here and there. Whenever it comes to these intimate moments, I think the best way to approach it is to just be comfortable in the moment. Basically I ignore the labeling and just have fun in the moment. The tags can help for those who are looking for such specific content, but I don't know. I guess my wiring is off or something. Last part. Sometimes I like sleeping in only a t-shirt, sometimes nothing at all. Depends on the weather. But oh man, I can't sleep with socks, my feet get too heated no matter how many times I've tried. It's a shame because I have such cute socks I want to wake up to, and gaaah! Thanks for giving us a little sneak peek inside your mind. Stay safe 💙

Snarky

I kind of agree with you that some terms are getting misused, especially now that I'm taking my time to actually learn about sexual lingos and kinks and the like. In relation to GWA though, I think the words just became a jargon? Like you said, we'll see [Mdom] or [Switch], we'll know what it means audio-wise but that's not really what it is. Not in its entirety.. Idk I'm not too educated on this topic but I love hearing people talk about it and I love learning about it, so thank you for this ramble 🥰 ("fucky wuckys" PLEASEEE LMAOOO YOU'RE ADORABLE 🤣) I live in a scalding hot tropical country so I sleep with a tank top and underwear usually, with a thin blanket~ would wear socks to sleep only on the cold season, which is happening right now, actually! 🥰🥰 Have a good day, Crunchy ♡

Mara

First of all, put “fucky-wucky” on a tee shirt... Seriously though. Away with the Dom-Sub Binary Industrial Complex, totally. The terms are important for bdsm, but I think they don’t necessarily have much relevance in non bdsm situations. Claiming one is Topping, or Bottoming or being Verse works to some extent, but using those widely also kind of feels appropriative because from my understanding, they stem from m/m dynamics to describe a kind of specific clarification as well- penateator vs penetratie. Sure that can be used outside of m/m, but the generalization has gone way too far. Its the same concept, labels that people outside of a community have cut and pasted into their own interactions and given their own meanings. Im tempted to suggest softer new terms like Leader vs Follower, or Active vs Reactive, but I wanna resist the urge to be so black and white about it. In the VA community, our tags should provide plenty of context for the dynamic without a label at all. The common phrases and the descriptive actions convey enough on their own, if the post is appropriately tagged. I dunno. Language is weird. I really like your view of the word Switch though. I definitely relate to that. The moment of power exchange is so thrilling and such a turn on, although for me its usually the giving up or losing power, like in a brat-taming situation. Again, a specifically bdsm scenario. Power exchange outside of bdsm is just... the natural ebb and flow of things, imo. Lastly - my cold Canadian ass sleeps with socks on. I’m too cheap to run up the heat bill just for warm toes. In the summer its nakey-wakey time, but right now, im wearin warm snuggly things for sure.

👑 Coco Kimmie 👑

First of all, I really do like these Sunday posts. They give us a little insight into you’re thinking and feeling. While I do agree about the terms being misused, the labeling of it is important, particularly when looking for content. Some people just know exactly what they like. They KNOW that they are a Dom, and aren’t willing to submit, so that’s what they look for. I think of myself as a Switch. I enjoy the power shift; the moment I see an opening to change the dynamic. The “power struggle.” It’s funny because when I’m looking for content though, I tend to look for FDom or MSub material, even though I don’t consider myself a Dom. Hmmm, I often wonder why that is. Just a preference, I suppose. But isn’t that all this is? Figuring out what you want or like? Finally, when going to bed, I usually sleep in a cami and underwear or nothing at all, wrapped in my soft blanket. And definitely without socks, my feet get too warm and uncomfy! Thanks again for this ramble, Crunchy. I really do enjoy them. I hope you sleep well. ❤️

CookieMonster

I like these rambles, it's fun to hear your thoughts! In terms of dom/sub/switch I think it comes down to tagging on GWA as being root of the issue. It helps people find the kind of content they like, mdom implies the guy is in charge, the tags following would then narrow down the precise content. The adding of the gentle before mdom and fdom to me implies that there is likely to be some very mild bdsm content (maybe some honorifics or light breathplay etc) and more about the VA being the one calling the shots. There is definitely a lack of real cross over between actual BDSM terms and roles which is where a lot of of these misunderstandings come up and people have an incorrect view of what it actually means to be a dominant or submissive. That being said I do look for mdom content as that is my preference and use the following tags to gauge how intense that will be depending on my mood at that time. It can be worrying because GWA is not an educational tool for those looking into the bdsm lifestyle, for some it may lead them to go and research but for others they may just take that misinformation and an idea of what gets them off and run with that. For subs especially that could lead to dangerous situations in the future. But that is probably a bigger conversation and one I dont have an answer for! In terms of sleeping I have a fan on, the window open and I sleep completely naked. I cannot sleep with clothes on at all, and the room has to be very cold. Which it is in the UK in February!

Gixxy

Really enjoyed this one, and it definitely got me thinking. I do seriously enjoy the idea of my slightly awkward and gentle attempt at fdom that gets flipped on me midway because I fail miserably at it. Is there even a tag for that? I cannot sleep naked unless I just happen to pass out that way after...activities. T-shirt and panties only, and something more interesting if company of course. (Side note - 11:25 to 12:00 or so was my favorite part of this)

Peachii

To be honest, I'm still very new to GWA and don't really know all the jargon it uses yet. In fact, you're one of the first people I found through GWA. I can see why creators use the [MDom], [FSub], [Switch], etc. tags to simply describe what goes on in the audio. I actually look for them first when checking out an audio, but I think that's only because they're usually listed first and no so much how I determine if I want to listen to an audio. It's usually the later tags that convince me. But you're right on how some audios with these tags are not actually [MDom] and so on. It would be nice if there were more accurate tags to describe them with rather than just an inflexible role. I completely understand why you would want to stop using there terms yourself. And I sleep in oversized shirts and underwear. Socks on if it's too cold. I have tried to sleep naked recently and its nice, but I always forget to take off my clothes, so I end up sleeping clothed most of the time. Hope you're sleeping cosy and warm 💗💗

Dec

The misuse is just a natural thing to happen with the ubiquity and growing popularity of audios. There are some other tags that I think are really misused too but that's for a discussion about GWA in general. But yeah, xdom/xsub has become watered down, but at the same time I think they're just an easy way to tag a general feel of how the audio goes down, which exacerbates the watering down issue. So I don't care about it too much because it still communicates an accurate enough depiction of what's gonna happen, except for Switch, which I'm completely on your boat on. When I say I like switching or I'm a switch, I mean I like the act of going from mdom to msub or vice versa. I fucking LOVE being brought down after domming in a roleplay, and I equally love turning it around on my dom after they think they've got me. That's switching to me. I've seen a lot of people using switch and vers interchangeably but they're not the same to me. I'll do either: vers. I'll switch roles midscene: switch. Gay porn's so much easier. Top or bottom. Boom. Then add a respective dom or sub adjective if the scene incorporates it. Vanilla top? Unf. Dom tops? Oh yeah. Sub tops? HELL YEAH. Also, naked. If it's below 20 or 30 F here I'll wear socks because my feet get the most cold, but that's it.

Kaylee

I’m quite new to the GWA community, but I from what I’ve seen I do agree with you that a lot of terms tend to be misused. The terms are more used because they’re recognize-able more so than accurate. I wish there was more accurate tags that could be used. Also, I don’t typically fall asleep in socks because I tend to get hot at night. So, I end up throwing them off in the middle of the night anyways 🙈 and oversized clothes. Thanks for the Ramble Crunchy, you made me think and I appreciate that. I hope you have a good day. ❤️

Jen

I agree with this position. And I am a switch on your concept, but I'm a gentle in any side of the spectrum. And no socks or clothes for sleeping, unless is crazy cold. Love the Rambles.