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Callout: Pipe! Pipe! (Patreon)

Published:
2022-03-03 03:55:14
Imported:
2026-06

Content

If we're going to break the record for most Lead Pipes in a live stream tonight, we're gonna need some pipes. Either reply here or email us at mailbag@boontavista.com with the people or objects you'd like to destroy with a lead pipe.

Would love to hear from you xoxo

Comments

Tony Pinko

I'd pipe the floods. You ever throw something into the water just to see the splash? Imagine that, but in pipe-feel

Vandoll

The real estate and cops who busted my favourite weed guy

Alyssa Wareham

the OG bananas in pyjamas. would be a very satisfying pipefeel imo

Vandoll

The name of the web service "RSVPify" (the program is fine but the name makes me want to cut my tongue out)

Dom Guilfoyle

I want to hit a Bith in the head so fucking bad. You know, the alien freaks from Star Wars with the awful bulbous heads who play a form of music canonically called Jizz in the Cantina scene. I want to know how it feels to hit those Jizzwailing fucks on the top of their horrible noggins until they burst like overripe watermelons. I want to know what the insides of their head are like. Are they soft and squishy or do they have a messed up skull in there for me to crack? I don't know which would be more satisfying, but I need to find out. In conclusion: Boonta Bithta.

potionsys

a nautilus the guy from this tiktok https://youtube.com/shorts/8HfqxsKUnuU the statue of Scotty at Scotty's Motel in Adelaide the home timber and hardware dogs mayor mccheese healthy harold sans deltarune a pelican a boston dynamics robot dog cop American actor Chris Pratt as Mario the inner health plus little guys (the old one) the talking thighs and butts from that anti chafing ad every glass pane at the louvre

Finlay Barr

The chest guy from Total Recall. I think he would spray a lot of bright green goo out of him like one of the big desert bug things from Diablo 2

Vandoll

The cost of mental health services in Australia

Andy Hays

Transphobe, shithead, and governor of Texas Greg Abbott.

Incessant Tapping

I'd like to nominate: Tom DeLonge; the rats in my walls; and every carp in the the Murray River.

Vandoll

The plant genus Begonia. They have a bad texture and ugly flowers.

Justin McCulloch

I submit my PhD on shared micromobility (bikes and scooters) in a couple of months, and while being able to talk about the e-scooters and how they suck but maybe one day they could actually provide some decent contributions to urban transport keeps me in a job, it would be ~really~ fucking cathartic to go hog wild on an escooter with a lead pipe

Vandoll

Smart watches because they all include fitness trackers and I don't want an ED relapse

Brenthen

Dicky Knee is crying out for a piping. Go at him from the audience, he'd never see it coming.

Vandoll

Dorinda on Real Housewives of NYC (as a reality character not a human being), she's very annoying and stresses me out

Guy Fontanelle

Travis Scott, I wanna hear him yell in auto tune

JustMatt

Any of the conquistadors, with or without their stupid helmets on.

Simon Anlezark

Dwayne The Rock Johnson The banned Compare the Markets meerkats

Jordan Minehan

A very very large mushroom like the size of a garden table. The 'licking pokemon' Lickilicky.

Conor O'Toole

I’d like to destroy a train on a track. A train, a train… a chicka train? Yeah! Come to think of it, a train, a train with a load on its back. A train… A. Train… A Chicka train. yeah…

Vandoll

The judging on Drag Race US and UK this year

Guy Fontanelle

Also, lug nuts on fords, especially the 19mm ones. They swell in humid weather, and I wanna hit one like a baseball

Vandoll

The time between a job interview and finding out the outcome

Vandoll

The movie Pi. It thinks it's smart but it's just loud and bad.

ABitty

Paris Hilton while she's recording her rich person poblems podcast The big fat guy that explodes in that one Monty Python movie but before he explodes

Vandoll

Disorganised and avoidant attachment styles

Vandoll

Sorry, I just don't want to do work

Sam Wright

a ripe watermelon a new tesla in the new owners driveway as they watch on Arthur's DW

Vandoll

The Try Guys who aren't Eugene, especially Keith

Brett Knowles

Philadelphia Flyers captain Claude Giroux.

Vandoll

Leave Healthy Harold Alone!

Vandoll

Antidepressants making it hard to do drugs

Gerard

Clive Palmer's new car (formerly owned by Adolf Hitler)

Maurine Crouch

I asked my partner and his contributions were: "an endangered animal. or at least his eggs.... I guess who ever asked you this question... My dad."

Vandoll

Cops and Corporations at Pride/MG

Maurine Crouch

For me: any/all the family members from the show Dinosaur

Maurine Crouch

she is a frequent guest on a fitness app I use and I know well to avoid her after the first time.

bon

Grug: gotta see what's under that do

Vandoll

Max Headroom

Busy Mason

A wicker man. With or without Nicholas Cage/ Edward Woodward.

Maurine Crouch

Any of the cenobites, but chatterer especially

ash

Joe rogan, like hitting him on the top of the head and it makes him condensed and wide

ash

Is there such a thing as a kindly lead piping? A little tap on the head? If so: meowth

Lucas Miller

The Bluey house in Paddington, Brisbane. Just had lunch with friends who are unironically excited for it. Looks like shit

Stop That Astronaut

All horrible regional Australian pubs. All of them. No mercy.

Mirza Nurkic

• Jimmy Carr’s new hairline • Jimmy Carr’s laugh • Jimmy Carr’s Roma jokes • NRL Premiership trophy (good resonance on that thing I reckon)

Stop That Astronaut

People who stand still side by side blocking the travelators at the shopping centre when they could be walking the lazy fucks

rob

Every lifted 4WD bro driving so fast through floodwater in their sick rig that they pushed a bow wave into the surrounding homes.

Mike Nicholls

Do you think you could use the pipe to hammer Pinhead's pins in further, so they're not sticking out?

Mike Nicholls

Ben Roberts-Smith's replica prosthetic leg beer glass

hungry hungry higgos

Wallace from Wallace and Gromit Atlassian's Jira A 1998 AU Falcon Anyone on MAFS Young Sheldon Old Sheldon The octopus from My Octopus Teacher (haven't seen it)

Alaric

My partner Lisa, who I turned onto Boonta Vista, loves this segment and wanted to share her two answers: the first is the Johnny Cab robot from Total Recall, because "it has bad uncanny valley vibes" and the Geico lizard because "he's too smug for his own good."

Dom

Every celebrity who starts a podcast

Bitlex

The Roboraptor. I saw one at cashies for $5. Would have excellent pipefeel

Vinno

Those jars with the failed Ripley clones in Alien Resurrection

Incessant Tapping

"Oh sir, it is only wafer thi-" **WHACK** **KAPOW**

Purple Mids

The Sneezes from the 1978 Puff the Magic Dragon cartoon.

Fortified Niche

Income support payments making you ineligible for disaster relief and related the fucking pathetic amounts offered

LUKE

That crash-test dummy looking fucker EC from Lift Off The companion character Ellie from Outer Worlds

Conor O'Toole

How DARE you bring EC into this!

'Stone Steve' Cold Austin

Winnie the Pooh, specifically when his fat arse gets stuck in a hole again, just a couple of wild swings across his back door to drive him through The next person i see post that fucking rick astley song

LUKE

EC was made for piping. Set him up on a stool so you can get some good elevation

Erik Anderson

weed strain names need to be destroyed. fuck all this zkittles, forbidden runtz, wedding cake, 9 pound hammer and other stupid shit. name them so they can be traced and actually tracked so growers and breeders don't have to wade through a mountain of inaccurate bullshit. also- beat stoner culture with a lead pipe in general. growing weed is basically like growing corn or apples at this point and as a professional grower, I would like to simply know the genetic lineage of the cuts I want to buy without having to deal with "duuuuude, this is fire" . If you grew spinach, would you want to have a seed purveyor say "Yo, this cultivar is sick bruh.." ? No- you'd want to hit them with a lead pipe

Slugnoid

A man with a metal plate in his head

Joe

Any news site that posts think pieces in their article section. Or think pieces instead of articles about that subject.

wavesounds

everything inside madam tussaud's richard 'the hamster' hammond the harry potter scene thing at king's cross piers morgan's entire face this whole cursed terf island

Stop That Astronaut

The thing I would most like to pummel with a lead pipe, far beyond my other suggestions is this. The Unwarranted Yet Somehow Boundless Confidence Of The Terminally Dense I'm thinking in particular of @EllyMelly on the birdsite, and a number of idiots I've met in the past, particularly the antivaxer who was concvinced that five cases of measles in an unvaccinated population was a smaller number than 15 cases of measles in the vaccinated population, despite the unvaxed being less than five percent of the total, and who was so confident of this that HE SELF-PUBLISHED A BOOK WITH IT AS HIS CENTRAL THESIS. Again, I'll just repeat that, his "reckons" told him that 15 cases in >95% of a population was a much bigger proportion than 5 cases in 5% of the same overall population and he wrote a fucking book. That was years ago and I'm still furious

Big black cockatoo

I will never not say Gina Rhinehart AO. Liberal party member, Hobart life member of the IPA, billionaire, propagandist, oligarch, poet, benefactor of young Asian girls (google Cambodian daughters), disowner of actual daughters and all round piece of shit. Unfortunately I think there would be poor pipe feel due to the resemblance to her father. Perhhaps it would be better that each joint was given a close up personal introduction to the gently yielding surface of a lead pipe.

Stop That Astronaut

And to be completely 100% unambiguous, it is the confidence I want to batter to a pulp NOT THE PERSON. I wish for their sense of confidence to made manifest and corporeal, quite outside of the actual dense person displaying it, and then I would lead pipe it into a fine pink mist in front of them

Rick

I would like to take a lead pipe to Bens sleeping habits when they seem to cause his vocal fry to reach levels that seem like he is trying to communicate with giraffes.

Alex

Automated checkout machines. I have never once made it past one of those fuckers without being yelled at by the machine. “PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA.” Total Recall Johnny Cab ass mf.

Sara Maher

Life sized Yellow M&M from the tv ad which I imagine to be about knee height. I think there would be an amazing pipe feel on that gormless yellow fuckers crispy shell body

siberianpine

The entire Compare the Meerkat dynasty (currently disgraced)

Fluffythecruel

WebEx and the cameras filming people in grocery self checkout.

Nathan

It may be too obvious, but Vladimir fuckin Putin

Macy

the concept of the self

Macy

my airtight legal defense, if I were to smash those machines in the US, would be to just say "jury nullification" a bunch, remind everyone on the jury how much they hate them too, and rest so they can get back to not being on jury duty

Macy

surely not the mama?!

Reece Lawrence

Every character Alice meets in 'Alice in Wonderland'

Ryan

Those stupid little boxes in places with customer service interactions that ask you to touch the smiley/frowney face on the screen to 'give feedback'.

Gaelen Strnat

Every internet router in every data center at my dumb telecom customer service job

Reece Lawrence

All the windows of the Gherkin building in London

Nadia Brady

All 151 Clive Palmer candidates, those dense motherfuckers

teathatisiced

Ansel Elgort, because fuck that guy

noah

The american institute for economic research, which somehow has managed to set the groundwork via their “great” barrington declaration for an endless pandemic for the entire world. Also the town of great barrington for not running these assholes out when they had the chance. Also and i’m aware that this may be touchy for reasons of national pride but “spiders” - all of them. Thank you!

noah

Companies that insist on communicating to you with the words “Hey there,”

Justin McCulloch

My partner says that she would smash the concept of free to air tv and any man who starts a podcast about "movies" with a lead pipe

Lucas Miller

The game Dead Island, which I reinstalled for shits and giggles. Steve Blum plays a Polynesian man with the worst Australian accent in all media. It's mostly bad

Janko Franko

The James Webb Space Telescope. The pipe-feel for something so expensive and important and fragile must be amazing.

Lucas Miller

Neighbours, but also the sad fact that Neighbours provided a lot of film jobs and training, so we don't get to unambiguously enjoy it being shitcanned.

Retrovertigo

The world's remaining nuclear arsenal (careful where you hit them though) Twitter, as a collective IndexedDB Bored Apes and others of their ilk Chuck Wendig Clive Palmer's other cars (yeah I know but I bet he's got lots of cars)

Kenneth Erickson

Probably already in here somewhere, but just in case, maybe turning the pipe loose on one of those bitcoin-farms nestled inside a shipping container? Multi-stage challenge! That or Bezos's whole entire profane fucking yacht.

Slugnoid

repeatedly, to the tune of land of down under

Hamish Andrews

a kitchenaid stand mixer in tiffany blue

Dan C

All the nrl team mascots, especially Victor the viking

Mike Nicholls

The one copy of that Wu-Tang album that Martin Shkreli used to own, which now belongs to a bunch of crypto bros

Long Time Caller

A giant wheel of room temperature brie, like the size of those edams that the French(??) chase down a hill

LochieDoesStuff

Minor League Baseball's Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp Mascot

Connor Francis

Ridley Scott he's a nasty little freak who's only ever made passable movies but coasts on an unearned reputation plus he said some racist stuff and he's 84 so his bones are probably really brittle which is an asset to pipe feel which always must be considered.

Sophie Whitecross

I would like to lead pipe the wheel of brisbane. No matter how long it takes, I will bring it down

Hamish Andrews

every character from "in the night garden"

barry

If I got the opportunity, I would lead pipe the fuck out of the unholy chimera that is Mr Blobby. Bad enough being born in the UK, but being haunted by this abomination of pink flesh and yellow pustules was truly horrifying and I would love to get that pipe feel while bashing his horrific face in

Nadia Brady

I work in disability advocacy, and I’m also really passionate about active transport. I’m involved in advocacy for better accessibility, and also my city is looking at tenders for putting hire scooters in at the moment. Could I get in touch? I’d love to see your phd. My email is nadia.brady@gmail.com

mia

I wholeheartedly second this

Wingrider

Lifted diesel trucks you can smell from a block away

Marsh

I would lead pipe the Large Hadron Collider. No one needs that much science, pack it in nerds

Eliot

Jeff Koon’s Balloon Dog sculpture.

Eliot

A complete collection of Funko Pops.