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Confidence: what is it! whERE is it (Patreon)

Published:
2017-08-14 22:45:22
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Hey little critters! Hope you're good.

Last couple days I've been thinking about CONFIDENCE and in particular how it's been in short supply on my end for a little while, and only now beginning to trickle in to affect other parts of life. Like everything it comes in waves, some days I'm navigating the universe like an absolute BO$$ LADY and others I'm a shrivelled-up little child who just wants to put her hood up and avoid all human interactions. Is this normal!? Does anyone else feel confidence swing in & out of their life? And if so, does it correlate to how well other things like their career is going, or is it totally random? Do you feel you can control it all? And if so, how do you do? 🙂

I don't understand why I'll happily sing hour-long sets to thousands of people, but then take an hour to psych myself up to make a quick, tiny phone call. Why I could talk to a camera about myself for an hour but out in a bar when someone new asks me what I do, I just mumble back something about music, something about winging it, something about uncertainty for the future. And like, I know it's entirely self-fulfilling; if I tell people it's something I'm not sure of, if I tell them I'm not that good, I'm telling myself that. It's just a spooky circle. Itrjgfjnfjenxuu.

Anyways, just some jumbled midnight thoughts for ya. Your august demo is coming along slowly but surely and I've got a couple treats lined up to you before we get to that.


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Comments

Steve (SEC)

This might be a fun topic for your next hangout. I'll bet you find out that everyone is much the same in this regard and you're just like the rest of us. How's that for a comforting confidence builder? -Steve

Emily H

I love reading the comments on this one, seems like everyone has these same struggles. I made a big change with a new job recently and this has been me the past two weeks. My strategy has basically been what others are saying - fake it all the way. Smiling and acting comfortable, even when I don't have all the answers (or any of them...) has hopefully fooled everyone at work. Next person to trick is myself.

Alex Dowse

‪I find my confidence comes through more when I'm in a good mood, from being excited about stuff coming up, good new music. ‬ At work I've been able to actually start conversations and make small talk. I'm not perfect at it yet, but I feel myself getting better and I hope when I see my friends, I'll be better at joining in with the talking. I've had confidence comes in a few forms, resulting in travelling to the other side of the world alone, making a YouTube video for Dodie and people liking my voice, creating graphics for my favourite wrestling podcast for fun, and them now wanting to pay me for them (the confidence there being me learning how to use tools and that my ideas are good enough for them to want to do that) but I do find myself out of ideas sometimes and wonder if I should just stop. But then one idea comes to my ind and I end up with something I'm proud of. I also have new found confidence in my appearance, from growing a beard and having a haircut that isn't the same old super short shave anymore, and caring about clothes, and suiting a type of hat I didn't think I would, I feel more confident about how I look, not for other people, but for me. I think I'd need to learn how to feel confident when I'm feeling down, when I feel useless and that I won't achieve anything in life and never really go after what I want to do because I'm too shy and that my quiet voice will hold me back. But I do have more overall reasons to feel confident when I really think about where I've been. How was the Gram of Insta? Did they throw filters at you?

Stuart Summers

In my opinion, confidence in oneself is always going to be a variable commodity, especially for someone embarking on brand new tasks and activities because there is clearly going to be little or no history of achievement in those areas to draw confidence from. Self-belief can also bring confidence, but that is a subjective thing which, as you've observed, can wax and wane for any number of reasons related to successes or otherwise in other areas of one's life. There is a third area to draw confidence from: your friends, family and supporters. Whilst one might expect friends and family to be rooting for you, supporters have gone out of their way to follow you because they see in you a magical spark of creativity, a rare musical talent and an ability to express thoughts and emotions which would otherwise have remained locked away. Ask any one of your supporters whether they think you will succeed and I'm sure they will all tell you they are certain of it. So when the doubts come and you're low on confidence, draw from the knowledge that hundreds of people here, and the hundred thousand plus subscribers on youtube, believe in you and are rooting for you.

Wouter Weggelaar

I think confidence is related to your mood and general level of stress. In my case, the more stressed I am, the less confident I am in myself. That phone call that could last a couple of minutes. I will push it and push it until its not needed anymore or too late. I will prefer Email over phone even if it means more confusion and way more time spent. I think that is because in a phone call, you are not in complete control. You have to answer questions straight away. There is no time to think about it. Also, you are talking to someone that may be judging you. When going up on stage you are (to some extent) in control. It is your show. You know you got this. I am typing this just before giving a company training. I have done the training many times before, so I know I got this. I used to be very very nervous when talking to an audience, but that was mainly because in school you have to talk about something that others dictate, and you are not passionate about it. I know my shit in my field (and even then I get impostor syndrome!) Ask me to talk about that, and we’ll all be fine. But phoning the health insurance company…NOOOOOO By the very nature of pushing things out that you are not confident in, there are times when all of them need attention at once. So I start feeling like shit and can’t get anything done. Feeling in control is great! There are times when I am confidently living life and taking decisions. It feels great. I have always been very structured in my childhood, making lists for everything, but at some point I became a bit more chaotic. But only if I feel in control. If I loose that, I will go back to making lists, and organising tasks. My system is not very good, so I end up spending loads of time re-iterating. I would say I am a very last minute person when it comes to decisions. Except when putting off the decision makes me anxious. Example: when I travel to unknown places for work, I would leave the decision to go to the last minute where possible, but when I know I am going I want to have the hotel booked ASAP. Preferably I go with someone that knows the area already. Going to London does not register on that travel anxiety map, because I know the place, I know I speak the language and I know everything is “normal”. I have so many more feels and thoughts on this, but I gotta go ;) Summary: yes, that’s normal Orla. I have it too. Would love to chat about it for hours! Keywords are anxiety, confidence, fear, (un)certainty and the worst one: assumption. Your brain assumes a certain worst-case outcome and then decides its scary to make a decision or do something. and those fears are usually irrational as well. When it happens, stop and name the fear you have. Say it out loud and then think about it. Is it rational? is it legitimate? If not, say to yourself out loud that the fear is irrational and that you will do whatever you planned to do with confidence.

Michael Klütgens

I think it's entirely normal that the great pendulum of confidence swings to you and away from you. Though I'm not an expert of any sort, I believe that it is a thing that can't be entirely controlled, maybe trained a bit. I've personally gone a long way from putting my heavy head in the sand and never even so much as see the pendulum to actively chase after it. And nonetheless, there are days like last week when I am extremely self-confident for having been offered a job as political coordinator (at age 23, as it were), and then just lose all belief in myself for being given a no at an application as a comedy-writer. These things happen, so embrace your loss of self-confidence to fuel your will to fight for even the most tiniest things that build your self-confidence :) Reading from all the people here, it's really interesting. I get really really confident and reliable when it's stressful and everyone else is freaking out, and then totally useless when there is nothing at stake. You can see how I am not fun at parties - unless there is a fire, which there thankfully never is. And while I am really not good at being at parties with people I know, for there is a role that experience with those people has assigned me to, when I am abroad I am perfectly free to be what I consider to be myself and therefore confident and happy. Life is weird, but I love it :)

Lane Hokanson

I feel like everyone has said the same kinds of things, which I love (because I love that we are all wacky humans with some of the same struggles). I'm 23, and I can talk on the phone no problem, but I used to get so anxious to just say 'here' in class, or to make eye contact during a presentation. Every day brings a different level of confidence, or insecurity, and I try to give myself the same patience and understanding that I would a friend. Which means sometimes I don't talk to anyone, and sometimes I can take on the world. And I think that's okay. <3

Jacob Turner-Dore

I feel like my confidence is affected by what I think people think of me. So if I do something a bit stupid, I'll get really shy and introverted, but after I do gigs or give presentations on things I'm really passionate about, I'll be crazy confident for a day or two afterwards! Anyone else get this? If people are interested in ways of acting confident when you're actually really shy (literally my life), this ted talk (<a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are/up-next)" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are/up-next)</a> is really great! Hope all you amazing people are doing great x

Phil Leith

I had no confidence especially socially until I was ... 23 or so, and it wasn't even really that great until I met my wife. Which is pretty much what my song "You Are My Song" is about. I know. Real original, right? ;-) You are interesting. You've got nothing to hide. Here's a trick, though. When you're having trouble talking about yourself ... drip out your line or two and ask them about them. Hey, what are you up to? What do YOU like to do? You'll be surprised what that'll lead to. They'll light up, and unless they're a total bore (yeah, it happens) ... you'll start relating and you'll be able to share more about yourself along the way.

Phil Leith

PS: The photographer in me loves photos like these. Someone lost in their thoughts. Some of the most beautiful shots of people, I think, are in these moments. And who doesn't like a train?