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lyrics/explanation: 'you don't even know' (December demo) (Patreon)

Published:
2019-01-13 01:19:56
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2026-06
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  • 'you don't even know' (demo).mp3

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hey! in case you missed it, I uploaded a demo on new year's eve called 'you don't even know' (attached below for your downloading/listening pleasure). I wanted to give a little insight into the thought behind the lyrics.. and no better time than when I can't sleep on a sleepless saturday night !! (btw would love to hear your feedback on the song, if you missed it before).


so last year, a close friend of mine cheated on his other half. it's an odd thing to navigate from the outside & although it had nothinggggg to do with me I found I almost took it personally somehow.. I just couldn't stop thinking the total lack of remorse, the audacity he had not to tell her, to carry on life as normal without so much as a nervous twitch.


I've been cheated on in the past, I'm sure a load of us have.. it sucks, it happens. sometimes, I guess people just fuck up in a moment & with an earnest apology & huge shift in mindset they *may* be able to salvage the relationship.. an incredibly tough thing to move on from, but I've seen it happen. but one thing I find just unforgivable is when the person who is cheating makes the other person feel unreasonable for being suspicious.. manipulating them into thinking that of course there's nothing up, they're just being irrational. "I can't be the crazy one'. (grrrrr. to make anyone feel this way just feels like one of the meanest things you can do).


So that is what this song is about - sung from the perspective of the person having suspicions it highlights the behaviours, begins to piece it all together and attempts to take back some power by backing out. It's not written from the perspective of someone knowing exactly what's going on.. but they can feel themselves slip into this mode & have the worst in them brought to the surface "I get nasty and I hurt you / and I’ll end it for fun". in the middle8 we finally see them break.. they notice the pattern and shout it out - "same old boring story / you fuck up and I say sorry".


If anyone has any relevant stories to share, I'm all ears. This is a tricky subject so no pressure, but if anyone's been on either side of cheating before & has any experience/advice/wisdom to share, we're all ears! 


og

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Comments

Liah Rosenfeld

That's how you can spot an artistic soul right there. The ability to take something you're external to (even if not fully, because they were your friends) and to feel it in your skin, narrate it in your mind and come up with a heart felt song that feels like you've lived this story in your skin. You're what people should really call an artist and that's not easy to spot. Glad to be in this club supporting you little ginge!

Ant

I like how the song starts without intro and just you and the first note on guitar. ‘Gooooone’ like silk. Still so impressed how you bang one of these out every month, creatively and also the production. Kudos. I had a friend who used to do the same thing and I fucking hated it, he’s your mate but then when it comes to girls a headless animal and we only saw it when we all hung out age ~16 and there was a face to a name, a human that we all knew was being taken for a ride. You see a decent girl being hurt, and then she got a part time job where I was at. The myth to me, as somebody who’s not been in ‘relationships’, is that I think women generally forgive A LOT more than they should, probably related to women being more empathetic than us men so I imagine happier to accept an apology. Something unrelated but fucked up is gaslighting and the different stages of it. People can be so complex sometimes lol. If you don’t want to be with that person. Then. Don’t. Maybe I’m too black and white...

Cris Vande Velde

it's not the cheating that would bother me most - if people get their knickers in a twist around jealousy, and buy into the social construct of serial monogamous relationships, fine. But then don't lie about it when something happens with someone else. It is that aspect which I find distasteful.

Drew Tepper

I’ve personally never been cheated on (afaik)... but have watched from the sidelines a bunch of times. It’s so crazy to watch from the sidelines how quickly everything becomes toxic (usually). There’s so much guilt, anger, frustration, denial... For me (and I think most) it’s the trust that ruins it. Relationships don’t ‘work’ (well) with that bridge burnt down. From friends that I’ve talked with, it’s that struggle with trust and honesty that ruins it. Obviously depends on the people. But amazing song :) still throw it on randomly bc it pops into my head with no warning. 👌🤘

Gareth Toerag Rees

I’ve never “cheated”, but I did once have both a wife and girlfriend at the same time. Odd thing was, it wasn’t my idea, but was organised by my wife, my lodger and the girl in question. They presented it as a packaged deal and I was far too polite to say no. Life is odd sometimes...

Meera Carruthers

Hi! So when I was cheated on I absolutely thought I was going crazy and she basically was telling me that my anxiety was out of control and I needed therapy etc etc and that I needed to learn to trust (which tbf I did, but not because I was feeling anxious about her). Anyway after I ended things with her my BEST FRIEND (what) of the time basically told me like "Meera she was cheating on you the whole time why do you think I kept telling you I didn't like her" and I was like !!!!! BUT YOU DIDNT TELL ME WHY. fuck it was awful tbh I felt like everyone had just been judging me behind my back for being so stupid because sooo many people knew but no-one told me. but also there is still a part of me that blames myself cuz I'm never going to know whether this all started because I was so insecure that I just became a self-fulfilling prophecy or whether that's why I became so insecure about it. Anyway, I also have a different perspective that I'll write under this

Meera Carruthers
>>18868184

So (just after the above situation actually. Everyone at work knows I'm a complete mess and still in love with her) my manager starts sending me really flirtatious messages and I'm like what the hell??? cuz she's like 15 years older than me and super straight and has a boyfriend. So I thought maybe she just didn't understand how to message (lol I'm so naive to the world) cuz generation gap and blabla and that she wanted to be my friend. So we had been talking really intensely on facebook messenger for maybe like a month or so but never spent anytime alone together? just out with friends etc. Eventually I'm like, yeh we're such good friends now I'm going to ask her to come for a drink after work. Anyway, that night she tried to kiss me and I was like whaaaaaat just happened???? So I panicked and literally said nothing about it. Sidenote by this point I really fancy her because she was unlike anyone I'd ever met and so confident and I felt like she could just guide me through life if that makes sense. Anyway, eventually it all comes out, she's bi and probably gay but her mum was really religious and she got a serious hard time about it and blabla she wants to leave her boyfriend blabla. At this point I wrote this song: <a href="https://soundcloud.com/secretmeera/whats-going-on" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://soundcloud.com/secretmeera/whats-going-on</a> and it is v cringe but summarises my feelings. But I was determined for nothing to happen until she left her boyfriend. Anyway, eventually I caved on what I'd always thought was my morality and we began seeing each other. I became so scared that maybe she was just playing me (read: Hi past Meera you're an idiot, of course she was) because she'd constantly tell me she was going to leave him and never did so then I wrote this <a href="https://soundcloud.com/secretmeera/just-another-girl-2." rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://soundcloud.com/secretmeera/just-another-girl-2.</a> And THEN okay this is super long I'm so sorry let me start a new comment

Wouter Weggelaar

*** REPOST *** Have I been cheated on: YES. I have had two "real" relationships in my life. The first one lasted 10 years and ended in 2013, and I have been single until a year ago when I started my current relationship with Ulli (<a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/featured-patron-18788136)">https://www.patreon.com/posts/featured-patron-18788136)</a> My Ex has cheated on me once, and this was about two years before it finally ended. It happened when I was abroad for work, and I did notice oddities in our conversations at the time. I recall calling her and her really wanting "to get rid of me" on the phone. When I came home, she was for a while not interested in sex, and she behaved really odd when I tried talking about it. So I started to get suspicions. We got into a fight when I started to see messages appear when she forgot to log out of facebook on my computer. Her horseback riding teacher was saying things to her like "I miss you" and "I want to see you". He was an older guy with wife and kids. I knew he had told her before she had talent and asked her to represent the stables in competitions. That would mean him and her going places with the horses and often staying overnight. Seeing those messages made things a lot clearer and I confronted my ex with this. We had a huge fight, she told me that she had never seen any danger in the situation and that she had never in fact cheated on me but once. This was the time she told me off on the phone when I was abroad. He was there. In my bed, my house, with my girlfriend. I ended up forgiving her and we spent another two years together. She went in therapy for mental health issues, and during this time she had decided to break up with me. Those mental health issues were also what made me forgive her, because I did understand why it had happened. (I won't share her reasons, but she had some that had nothing to do with me) I should also mention that my ex shared the details of the cheating with me afterwards, and assured me it was a one time thing. I am quite convinced this is the truth. She really regretted cheating and was substantially affected by all the events in a negative way So coming back to "with an earnest apology & huge shift in mindset they *may* be able to salvage the relationship.. an incredibly tough thing to move on from, but I've seen it happen." I guess in this case that did happen. she did shift her mindset, sought therapy for everything in her past. Eventually we split, but this cheating was not the cause of that. It was her figuring out her whole life and deciding that I was not to be part of it in the future. I was heartbroken for a good two years, and finally moved on to be on my own. And then I met some of you lovely folk on here and specifically Ulli ;) I myself have never had the urge to cheat. I was very happy in my previous relationship, and I am very happy in my current one. I'm the kind of person that talks about things before they become so big that cheating is the only answer. I promised myself that I will never hide it if I do end up cheating. I can not even imagine it will happen, but if it does, I am going to own up. Life is easier if you are honest. sure, liars get more. but is it worth it? I think not

Eden Gallagher

I found out long after our breakup that my ex had cheated on me. I'd heard that cheaters tended to pretend they were against cheating so you'd never suspect them. My ex had said from the beginning stuff like "if you ever cheated on me that's where I draw the line" and kind of made a bigger deal about it than me, because I was like well yeah, no cheating, that's a given. So I really didn't suspect it ever, esp bc he was so clingy to me, and didn't believe it at first when I was told. But he wasn't a good person and I did know he'd tried to manipulate me after the breakup. It just surprised and hurt me that he'd actually lied about more things than I thought. Anyway this is just rambling, but definitely know that cheaters are hypocrites. They try to cover it up by denying it from the start or even putting it on you and suspecting you. Maybe so when you suspect them you'll think, well, they suspected me for nothing so it's normal, I'm just being paranoid.

Jean katherine McCormack

Great song!!!!!! great voice!!! great great great...when are you coming to California?? you are amazing

Jan Kösters
>>19077167

A lot of cheaters are really against cheating. This is way almost all relationships fall apart after one cheated. They say that they could not imagine how one can do this, but this is the problem. When they first find themself in a situation where they are tempted they don't know how to react. (I have guided both sides of this through their pain) The cheater will find them afterwards in a spot where they now know how they would react and a lot of them do really not like the answer. The soul searching starts and the person changes, often leaving the partner behind. I think not the fact someone cheated is that important(we are all dump most of the time), but how they handle it.