demo no40: 'because of u' (Patreon)

spoiler: it's not the Kelly Clarkson song. I know.

HEY FRIENDS!

have had a little radio silence on here but I've been beavering away on planning my next songs to put out into the world, trying a few producers & writing a lot.. in particular taking some of the song ideas from may+June and putting more shape on them, finishing some off. the process of living with half-songs for a few weeks & then returning to them has been interesting aaaand challenging. the reflection time & distance from the idea sometimes makes it super clear to me where it should go.. but sometimes getting back into the mindset of where I was when I wrote it can be hard.

here are the lyrics! OH! and top tier patrons  - I've got your bonus demo coming later today, too. something about songs being buses and all coming at once etc etc

I wish my family 

Would talk to one another

We could be open

Say out loud we love each other

Instead we squash it down

And talk about the weather

I don’t give a fuck if it looks like rain

I was eleven 

When I ran away forever

I couldn’t stand us trying to keep it all together

My mother laughed 

I packed my bags up full of treasure

I guess we’re always managing pain

In every joke in every tear

Insecurity and fear

You know I am 

the way I am 

because of you

In every word

In every verse

For better or for worse

You know I am 

the way I am 

because of you

When I was 16

I wanted to be someone

Looked at my mother

What a strong and stoic woman

So I decided there that I rely on no-one

We never talk about difficult things

In every joke in every tear

Insecurity and fear

You know I am 

the way I am 

because of you

And all the good 

And all the bad 

In my future and my past 

You know I am

The way I am

Because of you 

And now i see the wood for trees as I get older 

Cause I would be so proud to turn into my father 

I never blame you cause we’re just like one another 

But we never talk about difficult things