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The Book And How You Can Help! (Patreon)

Published:
2022-02-05 02:17:21
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Hello Brains! 

Remember the whole I'm writing a book thing? (I know! Cool, right?!)

Well, I could use your help! How? Glad you asked! 😄Once a month I'll make a post with a question (or series of questions) that is ADHD-life related. This way the book has a more global view of ADHD experiences! If you happen to remember, when sharing your answers, let us know if you'd like to be named or anonymous should the answer be referenced in the book. 😊In fact... I have a couple questions for you now!!

What does your world look like with your ADHD? 

What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? 

How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? Let me know in the comments below! 

Comments

Joseph C Whitaker

What does your world look like with your ADHD? For me, everything feels slow. I've forced myself to learn patience because of this. I also cannot stop analyzing things once I've started. I work in computer programming and when I learned about classes and objects, I started making everything in my world into classes and objects. When I learned about metalwork, I started examining every utensil in my house to see how it was made. When I learned about user experience, I stared at my stove and wondered why certain parts of it were designed in certain ways and what the benefits were. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? Growing up with ADHD was weird. I did not talk to people because I was afraid of being rejected. I played on my computer and was able to talk to people on that because if I was rejected, I logged off and internalized it. I actually met some of my best friends through internet relay chat. As an adult, I make most of my friends through work as I am forced into proximity with them and have a collective goal. I use Grammarly on my computer because I think too fast to spell correctly and it takes care of that issue for me. I play music or wear headphones when working because it doubles as a signal to others that I am focused and I can use music I know to block out distractions. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I was diagnosed in the 80s by my primary physician. My mother gave him a list of symptoms and I talked with him and he wrote a ritalin prescription. I started refusing to take the medication in middle school because I felt like it took a part of me and I decided to learn other ways to deal with my ADHD symptoms... and drank a lot of coffee.

Nehey

You can definitely quote me in the book (but maybe clean up the spelling mistakes and grammer) What does your world look like with your ADHD? Im not sure how to explain it, I don't exactly know anything else. So to me my world is just my world as me. However what I can explain is that I see that I have a lot of more difficulties than others. I've always been told I'm smart and can go far and yet never seem to reach anything. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? This question I have a lot more to talk about, When I was younger I hated having ADHD. I wouldn't tell anyone at all. I refused most accommodations at school because I didn't want to be different, things like extra time on exams. I took meds but hated that too and waited for the weekend when I could not have them (my family agreed to let me not have them on the weekends) I just wanted to be like everyone else. hated missing school for checkups for the meds, I didn't want anything to do with ADHD. My last years of high school I reluctantly did the required process to get extra time on exams because I saw that others also had for various reasons so I didn't feel as alone with it. As an adult, I'm more surrounded with neuro-diverse people where I live. So I feel comfortable even proud of my ADHD. I think it was actually through your channel that made me feel that. Showed me that it wasn't this big secret I had to carry for fear of being I dunno, rejected or different. That different is ok and is good. Theres still times where I wish I could be something else, but most of the time I wish I was someone else who just happens to work better with their ADHD and not nuro-typical. I don't think I'd want that anymore. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I was diagnosed at the age of 10, my parents tell me that they thought I was dislexic because my reading and writing skills were way behind the others. when they took me to be tested turns out I had ADHD. Apparently though they had to go private for the testing because no-one believed them that there was a problem because i was 'bright' or something like that. I don't remember the tests well.

Yash Ghelani

How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? —————— Stumbled upon your TEDx talk while adventuring down the YouTube rabbit hole. 5 minutes into the video and I broke down. Couldn’t stop the tears. It was like you were talking about my life—the failures, the inconsistency, the debt. Before this, I had no idea what ADHD meant. I began writing every single thought that I could in a note on my computer. Trying to capture the emotions and feelings of that moment. On the top of the note I wrote this - ‘i have to write all this because i forget my symptoms sometimes. when i forget it seems like these things would have never happened as they sound crazy. this text is proof that they do happen.’ I knew I wouldn’t be able to properly share my thoughts and feelings verbally so I wrote all that I could. Tried and captured the context along with the emotion during each situation. During my visit, I just handed over the note as I was too emotional to share without crying. At the end of the session, he told me he was convinced it was ADHD and it felt like being born again. I finally had an answer. It was not always my fault. I cannot emphasise enough how significantly my life has changed since the diagnosis and I will always be indebted to you Jessica. Always. Thank you Jessica for everything that you’ve done and are still doing. You turned my life around in a way that no one could and I will forever be grateful for that. Thank you Jessica. You’re a gift to our world :) It’s been 7 months now since my diagnosis and it’s been an unlearning journey ever since. An excavation of myself. I’ve only found good things :) —————— I had also tweeted to you Jessica everything I’ve written above but have deleted those now as some of my friends are on Twitter and I don’t want them to know. But feel free to mention my name in your book. I don’t mind it there at all :)

Shelley Shaw-Kennedy

As a kid growing up I was a high function lower achieving kid. I had a few teachers who understood me and sent me on "errands" when I started to get fidgety or talkative, but the majority of my teachers did not understand me and I frustrated them a lot. I was put in a ton of activities growing up and developed a passion for community service and helping others. I got many leadership and citizenship awards as a child and a teen. I also was very crafty and started sewing and making things around the age of 6. I dad used to get mad because I always had something in my hands and never did one thing at a time. I enjoyed college and went on to work in broadcasting. As an adult I admit I could get highly distracted when I was at work. I thrived when work was busy but struggled to stay focused during the down time. I started a family and decided to leave my broadcasting career to become a high school teacher so I could spend more time with my family. When my son was little he was diagnosed with adhd. I remember answering the questions along with him and scoring similar on the test sheet as he was. The Dr. said "When we diagnose a child we often diagnose a parent" she asked if I wished to be assessed and I said no. Everything was going fine in my life and I didn't feel I needed support or medication. I guess I had managed to develop systems growing up that helped me to function in my world. About ten years later I noticed I had a hard time managing at work. Students who were chatty or fidgety would distract me while I was presenting a lesson and I would completely loose track of what I was saying. I had a new Dr. at this point and when I went to inquire about medication he did not believe me. That hurt and made me feel like a criminal who was trying to scam drugs. He sent me to a Psychiatrist who specialized in late diagnosis of women. This Dr. called me remarkable and that made me feel good. He was amazed at the strategies I had developed throughout my life that helped me thrive in-spite of having undiagnosed adhd. This Dr. was able to get me the medication I needed to function as normal. I remember being amazed the first time I noticed students were doing the same behaviours which previously stopped me in my tracks and that I had now not noticed it. For me the medication allowed me to continue to function the way I had in the past and did not make any other changes to my thoughts or behaviours. We found the right meds for me and I am so happy I met the doctor. He checks in every few months to see I am fine. I have helped many female coworkers seek assessment

Philip Whittaker

What does your world look like with your ADHD? I have recently been diagnosed (45 year old male in the UK - combined presentation) and started medication (Elvanse 60 / 70 mg). Pre-diagnosis - I struggled and just had no idea. It felt like my brain was a computer that had been overclocked and I needed to fill all the spare computational cycles in order to concentrate on anything. I couldn't 'actively listen' to a conversation so I would be scrolling through webpages, fidgeting, and no paying attention despite my best efforts - at work and socially. Post-diagnosis and on meds, I have so much space - my mind feels empty with the ability to choose where I want to focus. I can achieve much more and actually be present. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? I was the space cadet, sat at the side of the class, daydreaming, with school reports that all said I would do well if I applied myself and stopped daydreaming. I struggled at school and college, and barely scraped through Uni. I didn't / don't really any any friends of my own - and had a very active imagination as a child where I would lose myself. As an adult, I would lose myself in my work. I haven't really stuck with any hobbies - aside from playing the ukulele (started 5 years ago though I don't play that often at the moment). My colleagues have always been impressed by my ability to hyperfocus and context switch - without knowing what it was or why. And I have a career where my ADHD is a real positive (Chief Information Security Officer). How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? Despite having seen three separate psychotherapists about a bunch of issues including ADHD related issues / symptoms - none of them had thought about ADHD. It wasn't till I had a coach at work and we were working on developing active listening skills, and she recommended I watched Jessica's video; I cried a lot watching it as Jessica articulated my life, right there on the screen without knowing me. I shared the video with friends and family who could also see me in Jessica's description. I then started to research (mainly How to ADHD) then spoke to my GP. The waiting lists were way too long so I paid for a private assessment. The assessment process seemed very subjective and lightweight rather than a scientific and objective process. A psychiatrist then confirmed the diagnosis and then we started the process of increasing the dosage of Elvanse from 20mg to 70mg (then back to 60mg). Happy for you to use my name and to ask any follow-up questions and clarification, etc.

Karebear

Thanks for giving us this opportunity, Jessica! You can call me Karen or Karen S. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, at age 49. I found out I have ADHD, BPD, and PTSD, as well as possibly ASD, but the place I went to doesn't diagnose adults with ASD, only kids. I always thought I had something besides depression, but still, it was pretty overwhelming getting diagnosed with all that stuff, and I'm still trying to process it. I'm still learning what ADHD is and how it affects me. What really helped me understand how ADHD affects me was watching the video where you were off your meds (or taking less effective meds). How you were acting in that video, that's how I feel every day, all the time. Distracted. It's difficult to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. Difficulty finishing tasks. I've always had trouble paying attention to someone talking to me. My mind wanders, and I don't even hear them talking. In 5th grade, I remember daydreaming while the teacher was talking. In middle school, I would sit in class and write letters to friends while the teacher was talking. In college, some of the professors would write notes on the chalk board while they lectured, which I found really helpful, because then I could take notes during class to help pay attention to what the lecturer was saying. In my teens and twenties, I had extreme social anxiety and struggled with depression and impulsive behavior. I spent a month in a psych ward after a suicide attempt, dropped out of high school and alternative high school, got a GED, and went to college twice. I had about 20 jobs. I was in counseling several times for depression and anxiety. What it's like being an adult with ADHD (and other stuff) is so frustrating, so depressing, such a feeling of lost potential. When I was young, I was told I was “gifted”, and I could do anything I wanted, but I could never figure out what that was. I felt like I should be successful, find a career and stick to it for 30 years like my mom did, save money and retire comfortably, but I just ended up in a series of low-paying jobs, struggling to survive. Now I'm 50, disabled, living on SSI, and looking back at my life, thinking of things I wish I could have done differently, wishing I'd had the same knowledge and coping skills when I was a teenager that I have now. I have learned some coping mechanisms, like having a routine and making lists. There's that Pomodoro thing Jessica taught us, I think that will help too. I started doing another thing Jessica taught us too; giving yourself a reward when you accomplish something. Now when I do something off my To-Do list, I put a sticker by it, just a small reward that makes my planner look nice, and I feel good looking at all the stickers. Yes, I feel like I'm a kid again, with the stickers, but at my age, it's really nice feeling like a kid again.

Melissa Forlini

Hi Jessica, I'm Melissa F and I was diagnosed at 23. Having undiagnosed ADHD as a child in school and now since I went back over a year ago is still a struggle that I don't think will ever go away. I' m the eldest of three. You have me that struggled in school the "Chatty Kathy", slow learner , couldn't pick up social cues. My middle sister was average in school and then there was the youngest that was the smart one. In school when report cards would come I'd want to hide and even tried to change my grades when I was in middle school. My parents would also told me if I tried harder I would do better, they would give me rewards if my grades would improve like a sleep over or game. We would all be frustrated because I was trying my hardest and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. I remember my mom telling me as I was getting diagnosed that I did see the school psychologist and was told that they couldn't find anything one thing wrong. That I have a bunch of little problems that don't point to one specific problem. When I requested my school records in order to give to my phycologist they wondered why and when I told them they said if I had anything that they would have done the testing. I eventually went away to school and met a friend that would help me with my psychology classes such as helping me study or give me notes that I missed. I mean we would be on the other side of the door and would have to ask him what we did in class because I couldn't remember. How sad is that I didn't even know what we discussed 30 seconds after. I even took a drugs and psychology class and argued that we over medicate kids with ADHD and it sounds like something everyone has. Doesn't karma bite me in the butt. One day my friend told me after class that he thinks I have ADHD and when grades came out and I failed again the old arguments with my parents resurfaced. I told my mom that I might have ADHD and she thought I was making up excuses and my dad was more understanding and thought it could be a possibility. So 4 days before Christmas my mom went with me to see a clinical social worker who told me and my mom that there's no doubt that I have it and how did school never pick this up. My parents wanted me to go back to school but, she told them I she didn't think I should go back to school or even get a job because I would have to learn how to everything again. Well I went back to community college and just know what the problem was helped. I went from a failing student to dean's list in a semester. I think the hardest part was for my parents. When we sat down with my psychologist and when over the test results it showed that I besides having ADHD I also have a disability in written expression. My math wasn't any better but, the thing I remember is my dad asking if there is anything that could be done to improve the results but, was told that the damage was already done. That no matter what we do the scores might only increase a couple of points if it was caught when I was younger then it might have helped. He even told us in reality I'm not a failing student but, able to get A's and B's. That was a hard thing to sink in. In the beginning every time a class was hard my first thought was I'm going to fail but, end up doing really well. Finding the right meds were also a great help to help me focus in my classes and functioning as an adult. My meds help my ADHD to be manageable. They don't fix the problem and I still have to work at it with everything I do but, it closes the gap. ADHD can be a blessing or a curse but, knowing what was wrong as a child made the "label" worth it.

Notthatguy445

Growing up with ADHD was a different ball game. I mean I didn’t know that it was more than focus at the time but now that I do I feel like myself for the first time. Im 26 now and i was diagnosed in elementary school. I’ve always had trouble fitting in. I was always the emotional kid who cried over every little thing. As a boy everyone takes advantage of that and picks on you. So I’ve always been bullied because if it. I eventually was able to make friends but certain classes were hard when the bullies were in it. I was so scared if getting in trouble I could never stand up for myself no matter how bad I wanted to. I was lucky enough to be able to squeeze my way through school though. Wasn’t a straight A student but I did graduate so thats a plus. I stopped taking my meds out of school because I didn’t think I needed them. And man I wish I knew then what I know now. Since then every job I’ve had I always felt like a child compared to everyone else. No one ever made me feel like that but It was something that always bothered me and I really couldn’t figure out why. It was like they were able to figure out things easier than I could. Im glad Im back on my meds now and thanks to you I know a lot about my ADHD and am becoming more aware of things I do which helps me work on them.

Karma Kuro

What does your world look like with your ADHD? Basically, I space out a lot, daydream way too much, forget to drink water, and if I don’t have accountability for a task I won’t get it done. It’s been very hard to get into exercising or learning new skills or even reading because its hard to get started and even focus. I always blamed myself for being lazy and did not know it was executive dysfunction. I had a hard time even applying for jobs because the application process itself was daunting. Learning about my ADHD and doing a lot of research (mostly binging on HowToADHD) I was able to get our the frustration and understand my condition. Things aren’t perfect still but just understanding and getting rid of the self-hate has drastically changed my life, I am able to exercise at least twice a week (better than zero) and also was able to actually get an IT job which I started a month ago. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? It was easier as a kid because of the rigid structure of school meant I didn’t have much room to screw up. I was always considered the smart kid in class and could easily get good great with minimum effort. Things drastically changed at the end of high school, where I was put in a cram school (9 hours a day 6 days a week). That was way too much, and the boredom would slowly kill me from the inside. I didn’t know I had ADHD back then, but when I told my family about my issues, I was just scolded and told I was just being lazy. My parents told me “If all the other kids were fine with it then the problem lied in me”. That kind of structure is horrible even for a Neurotypical kid but way more difficult for someone with ADHD who can’t stand boredom. Somehow my parents recognized I had depression and put me back in my old public school which helped me a lot and I could finish high school. College was even worse, now I had extreme amounts of freedom and barely any structure and moved to a remote place in NY away from my family. I struggled hard, but thought I was just being lazy, so I ended up enrolling in more classes and tried overloading. That did not turn out well and almost flunked out of University. I took a break for a year and moved to public university in Australia which was more like high school with its structure, and I finally graduated last year. I only learned about my ADHD mid last year during lockdown at 25 and it changed my life. Outside of education, just doing casual things like watching a TV show or playing a video game can be very hard for me. Not because of doing the activity itself but just making the decision to even start watching something feels impossible. I sometime just end up staring at the screen unable to decide what to watch or play and getting extremely frustrated. But learning about my condition has lessened my frustration and through mindfulness I can actually try to get over the executive dysfunction. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I have not been fully diagnosed yet due to it being expensive. I watched some YouTube videos, particularly from thoughslime about ADHD. It just extremely resonated with me so I decided to go see a psychologist. After going through the symptoms and talking with me I was told I most definitely have ADHD. But the formal diagnosis through a psychiatrist and getting prescription is extremely expensive, so I’m holding out on that for the time being. But just that simple semi-diagnosis put my heart at ease. What I was dealing with for years and blaming myself for turned out to be something completely out of control. I was afraid accepting my condition would mean I am rejecting responsibility for my actions and that I would become very reckless. On the contrary accepting my condition has let me differentiate between things I had control over and things I do not. Instead of blaming myself and worrying over things that are just normal for my ADHD brain I can just focus on things I can improve and work on them like my personal skills and hobbies.

PennyPM

I *technically* got diagnosed when I was 25, but didn't actually find out about the diagnosis until I was 26. Towards the tail end of my time in the military, I was seeking treatment for depression and anxiety. Over a year after I got out, I was reviewing my medical records and discovered they'd diagnosed me. I'd done a couple of questionnaires, and apparently my doctor just never elected to tell me I'd met the requirements to diagnose. Finding out about my diagnosis was honestly pretty validating. I finally had an answer to so many questions. Imagine being given your first car. It has tons of weird things wrong with it that just make driving more difficult. But it's the only car you've ever driven, and nobody ever talks about it. So you just assume that everyone's car is this difficult to drive. Little things that just make it a pain. But you manage. For *years*, you drive this busted car because you genuinely don't know that there's something wrong with it. And you always wonder how everyone else is able to drive so well. Nobody ever complains about having to skip second gear and jump straight from first to third. Nobody seems to struggle with the power steering that only works in one direction. And one day you give someone a ride, and they see just how much extra work you have to do to drive like everyone else does. For the first time in your life, you sit down and wonder if that's true. Maybe nobody else talks about all this stuff because their cars *don't* have these problems. And so you go to a mechanic, and they confirm that yes, your car is messed up. And then you sit down with them and they talk about how they're going to fix it. Finding out that I had ADHD was like finding out for the first time in my life that my car was broken after driving it that way for years. And even the idea of everything working right is enough to get me through the more difficult days.

Heather

I’m Heather, I’m 40, cis-female, and I live in the UK. Happy for you to quote me. -What does your world look like with your ADHD? Everything I do needs to be externally managed with either reminders, bullet journaling and timers, or my previous method of “Either I do it right now or it doesn’t get done”. That method meant that people outwardly saw me as highly competent, enthusiastic, and great to work with, but inside I was exhausted, and beat myself up when I didn’t accomplish a task or let someone down. Now I am growing to know my true self, I describe it as being like I need to hold my brain in my hands all the time. I regularly need to give myself permission not to do a task now, as long as I write it down in my BuJo, and/or set a reminder for it. This is also a far less exhausting way of living. My Bujo, Alexa and a smartwatch, Brili, and my Time Timer are collectively my “brain” that I carry around from place to place, so that I can both function effectively and let myself relax. -What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? I was always a distracted child, in my own world, with few friends. I was constantly bullied by children and teachers alike, for being weird. I don’t want to dwell on that too much at the moment. -How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I only found out I had ADHD a month ago, and before that I hadn’t even considered that I might have ADHD, as I had always perceived it as only being for hyperactive little boys. In September 2021, I had a stress-related breakdown, and took a month off work. The Occupational Health doctor who did my return-to-work interview recommended that I get assessed for Autism, but the university I work at was unable to assess for that. They offered to assess me for Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, and ADHD, which I decided to take them up on anyway. My mum and I completed several questionnaires in advance. The assessment was 2.5 hours of discussion, psychometric tests, a general knowledge quiz, comprehension exercises, and writing an essay on a topic of interest to me. At the end of the assessment, the Psychologist told me that I likely had ADHD, but he would need to write up the report, which I would get in 3 weeks’ time. The assessment was utterly exhausting, like having my brain peeled open and poked. I spent most of the rest of the day napping and playing Animal Crossing. Until I received the report, I felt like I couldn’t think about maybe having ADHD, till I could see a diagnosis in black and white on the page. When I received the report (07/01/22), the diagnosis rocked my world. I found your channel via your ADHD in Women video and so much of it resonated with me. I started watching all your other videos, and they not only explained why I struggled to get going on things, how I struggled to shift tasks, and how I managed sometimes to achieve amazing things, for example with my textile art. My textile teacher struggles to believe that I have ADHD, because textiles is my special interest, and she has only seen me hyper-focusing. This diagnosis is not enough to get medication or formal support, except workplace accommodations. For that, I either need to be referred to the NHS, with a 2 or more year wait, or pay £1,500/$2,000 for a private assessment, with a 20 week wait. I am going for the private route, as they will also assess for Autism, and I cannot wait any longer to begin rebuilding my mental health with new knowledge, and to access ADHD medication if needed. In the past month, I have made amazing progress in getting my life in order. I have restarted the good habits I used to have before the workplace stress stripped me of any time or energy for what I now know was my ADHD management. I have added Brili to my list of tools, embraced rest in a way I was unable to do before (still not perfect at it, but I am trying!), bought a Time Timer to help me visualise time, resumed BuJoing and got a second-hand smartwatch for reminders. I know I am privileged to be able to afford these tools and the assessment, but even using the timer app on a phone was helpful. I wish I had known before I was 40 that this is how my brain works. I feel sad for my younger self, that I had to go through so much, and spend so much energy just to exist, when other people seemed to be breezing through life. The knowledge that I’m neurodivergent, and that’s OK, has helped immensely.

Josh Neff

I wasn't diagnosed until my 40s and when I was, so many things in my life clicked together. Being told all through school that I wasn't living up to my full potential because my essays were disorganized and I didn't apply myself to subjects I found boring or difficult. In 2nd grade, my teacher moved my desk into the corner near her desk, to stop me from talking to the kids around me when we were supposed to be paying attention. Growing up, I wanted to be a writer, but I had a difficult time finishing--sometimes even starting--stories I had in my head. My parents would get frustrated at how long it took me to clean my room, because I kept getting distracted and playing with the toys I was supposed to be putting away. When I barely passed my freshman year of college, even not knowing I had ADHD, I had the idea to take fewer classes each semester and taking longer to graduate, and trying to stick as much as possible to classes that really interested me, because I knew that my grades were better when I had a lighter, more interesting course load. Getting my diagnosis helped me understand why I struggled the way I did, how my brain was getting in the way of me living a happy life and how I was getting in the way of my brain, trying and failing to make it neurotypical. Growing up undiagnosed was really difficult and traumatizing. Getting diagnosed and learning how to live with ADHD hasn't always been easy, but my life just gets better and better. (I'm okay with you using my name if you use my answer.)

annag

(prefer to be anonymous) I'm still not sure I have ADHD, partly because my diagnostic path has been so... bumpy, with people sometimes saying I did and sometimes that I didn't, throughout my childhood and adult life so far. I'm almost 40yo now, and not clearly doing any worse (nor any better, except for returning to a healthy-for-me weight) off meds these past couple of years (in hopes of becoming pregnant), according to my behavioural health medical team (talk therapist, medication manager). It's very confusing, and I'm not sure what it means, since I know medication helps so many ADHD people, but I couldn't clearly tell any difference when I took it. I do have a lot of traits and behaviours that seem consistent with ADHD, like constantly being behind in everything, and having difficulties with motivation and not wanting to do things half-way or poorly, but then often feeling like I have to because of time pressure, and having no sense of which of my priorities I care about more than the others in general... So, I definitely have stress about things that people who have ADHD seem to tend to have stress about. Also, I tend to underestimate how long things will take me, and also add in the "just one more thing..." before getting out the door, though sometimes I also seem to "overcorrect" (go too far in the other direction), deciding that, for example, I'm not going back for something essential like my phone, or a jacket. Also, it seems plausible that my sense of time is cut up into smaller chunks than some people's tends to be... I see moments much more readily than vast trends in my life, or even whole days or weeks. I actively dislike the idea of "habits" or "routines", in most cases, especially because they tend to taste like failure. That is, I'm remarkably bad at being any sort of reliable other than reliably unpredictable, which is not very, say, employable. Though, I do tend to be thorough, perhaps partly as a coping mechanism. Also, Ticket Theory seems plausibly meaningful to me, though so does Fork Theory. People seem to tend to decide that I'm being unreasonably ambitious, and why can't I just pick one thing and focus on it, but then when I do focus on one topic (like, falling into a fantasy novel for days (until I finish it), or doing origami or crochet practically nonstop for a couple of weeks...), then I get chided for that, too, so turn away from whatever topic was clearly so dangerous by being engrossing. Anyhow, sorry (please don't chide me for expressing regret here) this is so long and unorganised. I can write in an organised fashion, but it's effort I don't care to spend on this right now, partly because then it might just not get done. :-/

annag

(still prefer anonymity) as to diagnosis... I've been both diagnosed as having it, and as not having it, multiple times interspersed throughout my life-so-far. It's pretty much always been tied to my (environmental) stress and my (personal) failures.

annag

I became more open again to the idea that I might have ADHD in college, when a friend of mine (almost a generation older than I) pointed out that many people who do one of my hobbies (that she also does) have ADHD (and even more undiagnosed), and that it seemed particularly likely for me as visible based on a particular LiveJournal entry of I had recently written.

CraigyD

My life feels always chaotic on some level. Even when everything is going well I have this urge to shake it up in some way... I wasn't diagnosed until 35 so growing up with it (and into my 20s+) undiagnosed was a bit rough. I was also undiagnosed autistic until 34. I was assessed for being a "problem child" in the very early 90s and my parents were basically told they needed to be "better parents". This meant I was told off more, disciplined in ways that were the worst for me. One I remember was the most common was having to sit at a table alone and do nothing for periods of time (I guess the equivalent of "the naughty step) and that was just horrible having to try and sit still with nothing to do. My brother got the same treatment but I could never understand how he just happily sat there unbothered. Post diagnosis now I understand the difference... Socially both as a kid and in my 20s I always felt "othered" but I was into alternative music quite a lot so it almost felt normalised being "alternative". Of course alternative means different things to different people so I didn't know what it actually was for me. As a kid I didn't get in conventional trouble often as my mum drilled into me the importance to sticking to rules (and being autistic things were very binary with rules too) but I did have some stand out troublemaking at times... I remember having a private one to one meeting with the head of our school's IT after I had looked up the manual for our school internal network and handed out the backup (unchanged) admin passwords to other school kids without thinking of the consequences because it got the attention of others and I felt included for once. I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't any record of that happening for obvious reasons... 👀 I spent quite a few nights in my earlier 20s doing late night road trips to nowhere and the occasional drunk night out to bars to feel a bit more "myself". The road trips sometimes involved speeding (because it felt more exciting speeding around) and I was caught quite a few times because clearly I lacked the control or attention to not do it or at least notice speed cameras... In the UK we usually have signs ahead of speed cameras to warn us they're there yet I still was caught (rightly so) quite a few times. Luckily I finally got so stressed with paranoia about being caught that I stopped speeding and also finally got a car with cruise control so it's easier to keep a steady speed too. It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I sought any diagnosis after a few close to me casually said I was "on the spectrum" which I hadn't been taking seriously and I had split with my wife largely through not understanding myself and my needs and the harm that caused myself and others. I eventually had an autism assessment after three failed referrals due to lack of training on processes within our NHS and me having to repeatedly chase and investigate the internal processes myself... Almost immediately after I was diagnosed autistic I started to consider being ADHD too as I'd been surrounded by my special interest of neurodivergency and had noticed a lot of ADHD traits that I related to. Also at this time I was getting increasingly stressed and frustrated in ways that related strongly to ADHD struggles so I decided to request an ADHD assessment referall. Yet again there were issues with getting a referral in a reasonable timeframe and I had to seek out ALL possible routes and inform the Drs myself twice that I wanted to take a different shorter route to get an assessment. By the time I was diagnosed ADHD I was riddled with chronic stress and physically I'm still trying to recover from health issues related to long-term Autistic/ADHD burnout which is super tough whilst living alone... The support (except for ADHD meds) just isn't there at all. I find myself constantly frustrated with others both through their lack of understanding and difference in communication. It's really hard for me to always be the one trying to bridge the gap when I'm the one struggling just because there's this massive lack of understanding and lack of support for us. Emotional dysregulation every single week is causing me trouble and it's really tough to always be feeling like I'm upsetting people whilst it's because I'm struggling through lack of support. I pay £200 per month for private neurodivergent friendly therapy as it just isn't available on our NHS post diagnosis. Some previous therapy was damaging to me so I wouldn't risk any else again. I'm now paying £1000s for the fallout from multiple health issue related to impulsive eating and lack of being able to maintain self care. I also have to pay in other ways to make my life easier so I can keep a handle on daily life tasks at all. I've been recommended a personal assistant to help me keep my life in order but I just can't afford it! You can quote me on this stuff👌

Ayda Grossmann

Hello! First and foremost I want to thank you for all your hard work. Your videos have helped me tremendously! You are an inspiration and have in fact inspired me to pursue a career in coaching others with ADHD. Specifically young adults and adults! Now to your questions: What does your world look like with your ADHD? I would say chaotic and ever changing. It's not bad though. I would not want it any other way. I love change, even though it scares me sometimes. My boyfriend likes to joke, that things not changing is giving me more anxiety than things constantly changing hahaha :) What was it like growing up with it? I was only diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. Growing up with it without knowing I had it was rough. I grew up in the countryside so I was constantly outdoors, climbing trees and such. Before school started you could say I had a great childhood. But once I had to go to school it got rough. After elementary school we moved to a big city and I lost my nature outlet. I got into trouble a lot, had a lot of problems in school with grades and peers, became a people pleaser and so on. My mum even expected I might have ADHD and went with me to see a doctor. Unfortunately he said „ADHD isn't real.“ and that was that. My mum also has the opposite ADHD type to mine and she was never diagnosed so we were pretty much always fighting. I tried my best in school, worked really hard but it seemed like it was never enough. I also had a really hard time making friends. All of this led me to develop an anxiety and panic attack disorder at around 13 years old. When I got older everyone seemed to have it all figured out and I felt like I was doing everything wrong or was broken somehow. Shortly after school I had bad luck with my first apprenticeship. I got severely depressed and developed an eating disorder. Being an adult with it? Now I have to say my life has gotten much easier. I have a lot less panic attacks, I am working on my mental health and I feel more in control. It also has not so nice sides of course. I often still feel inadequate or ashamed that I need chemical help to master what others seem do be doing so easily. But now that I know what's going on it's much easier dealing with it all, finding solutions etc. It is no joke what society puts you through if you need medication that is considered "a harmful drug". How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? In 2017 I had to go abroad for a year for my university which was one of the hardest and best things I ever did. When I came back my depression was gone. I don't know how or why but it was like I had woken up from a very very long dream. After that I had a period were my panic attacks and my anxiety reached a new height. I was so scared to ever fall back into depression. I knew something was wrong and something had to change. So I took an online test for ADHD, talked to friends about it and finally went to Neurofeedback. I was still to scared to get diagnosed. The Neurofeedback person told me that it was very likely that I had ADHD given what my brain scans looked like. However they are not doctors so they weren't allowed to make any diagnosis. After I failed another exam because I had simply forgotten the date (again) I called a doctor and made an appointment to get diagnosed. I was 30 then. There are not a lot of doctors specialized in adult ADHD most are for children or “just” neurological doctors in general. I went to a private doctor specialized in adult ADHD. She costs me 200€ every two months plus medication which is about 100€ each month. I have to continue to see my doctor because I am only eligible for medication if I see my doctor monthly or bi-monthly. I also see a therapist specialized for adults with ADHD every week which costs me another 400€ a month. My insurance does not cover anything. It pains my heart to know, that not everyone can afford medication or a doctor, let alone both. It should both be covered by our insurance and it infuriates me that it is not. The diagnosis itself was harmless. I had to fill out a questionnaire, bring my school certificates and my parents and two of my friends had to write half a page on how they perceived me or how I was as a child. It didn't take too long. Once I had it I went through a whole process of relief, anger, grief, shame and pride. I still do. I don't think I will ever be done with this journey but I am very grateful I get to take it. You can quote me and if you have further questions I would be glad to help :)

Sara Star

I just recently discovered my ADHD, I'm 37. After struggling my whole life through school, through jobs, with mental illness. My ADHD traits are just bad enough that life has been really stressful and challenging every day. But not bad enough that it was an actual problem to be diagnosed. I got diagnosed with bipolar, depression, anxiety, excessive daytime sleepiness. I got put on Adderall to stimulate me and it didn't work at all and I knew something else was going on. I saw your video on Women with ADHD and then I just kept watching all your videos. I laughed and cried. You have been an intrical part in discovering myself. I now know all my struggles, hardships, diagnosis, quirks, have all been because of this one thing. I immediately signed up for your patreon, more people, especially women need to be aware of your information. I can't wait to read your book. I would gladly help and support you in any way possible. Thank you so much for all your hard work and dedication, and your endearing character.

Sara Johnson

Sara in Indiana, she/her/hers, 42; you're welcome to quote me and use my name. Not sure how to answer what my world looks like with ADHD. Hopefully some of my other answers, and answers to other months' questions, will help shed some light. I was born the same year the DSM-III was released, which was when "hyperkinetic reaction of childhood" got renamed ADD (no H until I was in second grade or so). So when I was growing up, there wasn't as much awareness of ADHD, and I'm unclear about whether even clinicians were very aware of how it might present in people other than white cis boys with hyperactive symptoms. And I'm only one of those things. I got a lot of the "you have all this potential if you'd just apply yourself" talks. I picked up knowledge in school very easily and usually did well on tests, but didn't really do my homework. I skipped most of kindergarten because I could already read and do math a couple of grades above my school year, but then was labelled "emotionally immature" when I didn't adapt well to the more rigid environment. (PS: Not my teacher's fault, she was fantastic. Just a thing that happened.) By the end of third grade, the school and my parents agreed that probably school was just not holding my attention (true) because it was too easy (possibly true) and that I needed a more challenging environment. They put me into the school system's newly-formed Gifted and Talented program. That turned out to be a mistake, because although the material was more challenging and often more interesting to me, students were also given more responsibility for keeping themselves on track. Not my strong suit, to say the least. I got booted back to regular school the next year. Bullying and emotional abuse, neither of which was focused on or seemed to be catalyzed by the ADHD symptoms I was experiencing, complicated things for a while. By the time I hit high school, though, the worst of those things had passed and I'd cobbled together a small toolkit of coping strategies. (One big one? Realizing that I could do my homework at school during class.) I graduated in the top 10% of my class, so I was doing well academically. Not as much emotionally, maybe, but I was limping along at least. As an adult? Until I realized my brain soup was ADHD-flavored, I spent a lot of time hating on myself for being "lazy", among other things. (The aforementioned bullying and abuse didn't help with that, even if at this point it was well behind me.) If I'd known what was going on, I could have been figuring out how to cope effectively with the difficulties I faced, but as it was I just kept telling myself I needed to try harder. Which was not useful. I hope that people read this in a wistful tone of voice rather than a bitter one--I have no bitterness about it, but at the same time I acknowledge the fact of the delay. That said, I've continued to develop and refine coping skills without realizing what I was doing, like tending to have multiples of commonly-used items when possible so that I can keep one in each location where I use them. It's just a little more haphazard if one doesn't understand the larger picture, is all. My diagnosis was maybe kind of a long process. I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety--which, given the circumstances of my life at the time, was probably entirely correct even if it missed the ADHD itself. Years later came an eating disorder (not otherwise specified) diagnosis, and *that* I think might well have been a misunderstanding of the situation. A reasonable one, and my relationship with eating and food at the time was certainly disordered, but in the long term I more and more suspect that ADHD is the driving factor. That did, however, lead to my ADHD diagnosis. My GP is a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in psychiatric medicine. I started seeing her a few years ago--I was maybe 38? She wanted to prescribe me Vyvanse to help with the binge eating (its other on-label use) and asked me some questions about what I now know are ADHD symptoms to see if it might help with those as well. When it was indeed effective in that way as well, I figured, hey. ADHD. Who knew? Although I recognized that wasn't a formal diagnosis, it fit so well that I started approaching life as though I did have ADHD. I was content with that until one day I said something about "having ADHD" and my husband called me on using the term without a diagnosis. I was upset and angry because it felt like he didn't believe me, but I went and got evaluated and got the formal diagnosis anyway. (I now think that this was probably what needed to happen in my case, but I hesitate to promote it as the thing everyone needs to do because I recognize the privilege inherent in that. I'm not going to dump on self-diagnosis, but at the same time I think in my specific situation with the resources I do have available he was right to call me out.) The actual ADHD diagnosis process for me was two appointments with a psychologist who specializes in evaluations such as this. The first one was fairly informal; I talked to them about my lived experience and why I was seeking an evaluation. Having read up on what to expect beforehand, I brought copies of a few documents that I thought would be useful--old report cards with teacher comments about focus and attention on them, mostly, plus my mother's notes from the meeting about the Gifted and Talented program expressing a concern that seemed relevant. The psychologist seemed to appreciate those. We talked for about an hour, I think, and it reminded me a lot of an initial interview with a new therapist. For the second appointment, I was asked to go off my Vyvanse for a couple of days so that it wouldn't affect my performance. Several tests were administered that checked my working memory and processing speed. I don't remember what all of them were. A few weeks later, I was sent a written report of the results (ADHD, primarily inattentive symptoms) and offered the choice of whether to make a follow-up appointment or not. (I didn't; I felt like I had the information I needed.) That was much more than I intended to write, and I hope it's helpful! I know it's a wall of text--if I try to edit too much I'll never send it, so... :(

Ken Mc

Ken Mc here, and yes, you can quote me on this.  I am 50+. I received my ADHD diagnosis and meds in my mid-40s, and have been through 2 rounds of CBT. As I have watched more of your “How to ADHD” videos, I have been exposed to the concept of comorbidities as well as other YouTubers on the subject of ADHD and ADHD’s “friends”. Now I am exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). I am married, suburban, employed FT, middle class, no kids (thankfully) and three cats. I am the medical POA for my M-I -L in a nursing home, the primary maintenance, yardwork, IT, home remodeling person for my 70+ yr. old parents as well as my own house/yard/IT/etc. My sig. other has a 15 – 20% physical disability but, is mentally sharp and organized. What does your world look like with your ADHD? Stressed. I have a lot on my plate that are not the normal 8-5 M-F BS. Many things I do in support of my and my parents’ houses are things I have never done before. Logically I “know” what I am supposed to be doing to live a better life. I just cannot get myself to sit down and organize a plan that I will stick too. The perceived constant threat that, as soon as I get a plan together and try to execute it, someone or something is going to come a long and wreck it and I will have to constantly be adjusting which seems a lot like how I live w/o a plan. Just winging it. Sometimes I refer to my willingness to do things, like remodel a bedroom into a laundry room, as not being smart enough to know I cannot do those things and yet somehow get them done. It just might take me 2 yrs. and a lot of YouTube-ing. What was it like growing up with it? Confusing. As a mid-life diagnosis and growing up in the 70’s before ADHD was understood as well as it is now, I lived the “alien” life. Never quite fitting in, emotionally dysregulated, ostracized, depressed, not understanding why I was not like the other boys, easily duped and too trusting. As the older brother in a lower middle class working household, I was expected to be the 3rd adult and set the example for my younger bro. I had trouble making / keeping friends, understanding the discrepancy between “the rules” vs. how people actually lived and bullying. School work was always last min., I could only study in isolation with music playing. I was “grounded” most of my H.S yrs. just to force me to be at home so I would do my schoolwork. Being an adult with it? I went through a very dark period post-H.S. and in college. As a religion major with a philosophy minor, I dabbled in politics, environmental organizing and student representation in the college budgeting process. I was also in the Army Nat. Guard – Infantry. I drifted very close to the gravity-well of becoming a sociopath the more I delved into the fabric of the religious-socio-political matrix of human history in my studies. As I approached that event horizon, I went through a short lived and fractious marriage. As my marriage dissolved while taking Rationalism and Skepticism courses, I met my current wife of 20+ yrs. (There is a very funny story about how we met.) She was, and is to this day, an anchor of stability and organized forward thinking/acting/committing I completely lack. If not for her, I would be in jail, dead or both. We had been married about 15 yrs. when I was diagnosed and treated. I don’t know how or why she has put up with me. I can only guess that, because she lived a pretty “white bread” life I was kind of “exciting” to be around. How did you get diagnosed? I had had run-ins with psychiatrists and their meds in H.S. Come to find out very recently, I had also been medicated as a kid (Ritalin) but, my parents took me off it because I made me “too quiet”. (What parent has ever said that?) I hated and feared med-pushing “shrinks” because of the power imbalance. They could lock you away with a stroke of a pen and I had spent time on psych wards. But, I had been in and out of therapy in college. No one ever mentioned ADHD that know of, even when I nearly failed a “How to study” course mid-way through college. It was not until I had a co-worker in close proximity to me who opened up about his ADHD and explained how it worked that I went, “you just described my life.” I talked to my PCP a month later about getting diagnosed, was validated, medicated and started CBT. When? I was in my mid-forties. I had assembled an unstable, ramshackle mosaic of a mask pieces and coping mechanisms that only worked when I wasn’t stressed or challenged. What was the experience like? I remember taking the test with the blinky square on the computer and getting the results. It did not mean a lot to me at the time. I did not know what to expect next. I remember the day (not the date) the meds kicked in. I was driving to work and suddenly my view of the world around me seemed clearer and calmer. I was so afraid of meds, because of past bad experiences; I started at the lowest dose. My PCP would ask me if I thought they were working and I would tell him, and I still say this, I do not know. I mean I feel like they are working, but I don’t know what being neuro-typical feels like so I don’t know if I am taking enough, the right one, or what. I have increased the meds twice in the intervening 6 yrs. and have done some research, but until encountering “How to ADHD” on a whim, I had no relatable arena of discourse on my condition, much less the concept of comorbidities. Autism was broached once in a CBT session and I dismissed it based on what I knew at the time and never went any deeper with it. Of course, my view of autism was somewhere in the realm of equating to having downs syndrome. So, I was definitely not the best judge of if I might be on the spectrum. Being diagnosed, medicated, and going through CBT (twice) has allowed me to live a better life. Not great, but better. I could not have accomplished what I did, renovating my parents’ last house, getting them moved, resettled and starting work on their new house if I had not been treated and had CBT tools in my toolbox. But, now that my ADHD seems to be “managed” but, something still isn’t right. I may be on a new path of discovery but, I am scared where it might lead. I think my wife is nervous about it too.

BrainAnnierysm

First off, thank you for your channel! It’s been something that’s helped me better understand myself and better explain myself to my loved ones. You do amazing work! For your questions: What does your world look like with your ADHD? In a word, inconsistent. That’s what is hardest on my relationships. Even on medication, my interest wanders. I will start loading the dishwasher, which leads to handwashing a mug for tea, which leads to reorganizing the tea collection, which leads to searching for the label maker, and so on. I have insanely productive days followed by days where I struggle to get off the couch. It’s frustrating since I will make plans (sometimes with others) on good brain days, then have to cancel because it ends up being a bad brain day. I try to be kind and not beat myself up over it, but it’s hard not to when the neurotypical people in my life make it look so effortless. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? Growing up, they forgave many of my symptoms with “kids will be kids” or “you know how kids are.” Adulthood doesn’t have those easy throwaways; it’s astronomically harder. I love my enthusiasm for new things and willingness to try anything. The mundane aspects of adult life are where I struggle most. Things like creating (and sticking to) a budget, preparing meals ahead of time, and regular cleaning are an uphill struggle. I make acquaintances easily (new and exciting!), but I’m careful with who I let into my life since I’m tired of having to explain how my brain works all the time. I respect that they’re curious and want to know, but that’s why channels like yours exist. It’s exhausting to be someone’s ADHD representative. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I had all the markers as a child without a diagnosis. My parents always praised my effort over the result, and that plus talent kept school from being too much of an issue until I was a teenager. They diagnosed me at 17. Medication helped a ton with high school and it initially helped with college. I ended up stopping them for a few reasons. First, I applied for quiet testing environment since a lecture hall of 400 wasn’t ideal. The testing center was so hostile that I ended up just suffering through terrible exams. Second, most professors didn’t have extra resources for class notes (I received an outline of sections to reference in the textbook). Ultimately, the hoops to jump through in order to get these accommodations weren’t worth it, and I stopped being able to get my medication on campus.

Eileen Greenbaum

My name is Eileen Greenbaum, I am a 33 year old female and you can absolutely use my name and story. What does your world look like with your ADHD? I compare my brain to a computer processor that is constantly in “over clocking” mode. Most of the time I don’t need the processing power, so my brain grabs data from my surroundings and memories to process instead. This causes my thoughts to look at all the random “data”and makes it hard to function. Then, when my processor “overheats”, I just shut down and nothing gets done. Everything I do, like getting up in the morning and talking to people, is subjected to this “over clock” mode. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? I was always hyperactive, yet caught in my own world of my imagination. I was very fortunate that my mother was proactive and supportive of me. It was HELL getting through school, but she dragged me through it kicking and screaming (sometimes literally). I was the gifted student who never reached my potential and always felt rejected by the people surrounding me. As an adult, I am constantly using strategies to cope with my brain’s unwillingness to concentrate on what I want it to 99% of the time. Sometimes my mind’s way of working comes in handy when I have enough “data” to keep it occupied, like power-multitasking at work. Otherwise, it’s still an everyday struggle How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? Since my mother was so proactive, I was diagnosed around 10 years old. I was even lucky enough to be part of a study and got a brain scan. After looking at my brain, the doctor told me that he was surprised that my behavior wasn’t worse. At first I tried non-medication treatments, like brainwave concentration training, therapy, and dietary supplements. It wasn’t enough, so then I tried medication. I felt like I was disconnected from the world and decided I would rather deal with my ADHD than not feel anything. This was early 2000’s, so a lot of information that is available now was not then. I later found out that they didn’t even give me the correct type of medication and tried again. This time it worked, and it was AMAZING! I didn’t realize how hard I was struggling to get through every day until I didn’t have to. It isn’t a cure-all, I still have to put in the effort and motivation, but my brain isn’t sabotaging me with everything I do anymore

Joshua Scharf

Profile: Name: Joshua Scharf Gender: male / he Nationality / Located in: German / currently Germany Age: 31, got diagnosed when I was 9 Presentation: Twice exceptional ADHD, primarily inattentive Medication: yes, since the initial diagnosis with a few breaks (stimulant medication on 4-6 days a week) you're welcome to quote me and use my name. What does your world look like with your ADHD? Usually extreme in some way, and every day is different. I have amazing days and terrible days – but rarely “average” days. I have tons of ideas or a blank mind. I am 100% unproductive for most of the time, but then manage to catch up with everything I should have done in an extremely short amount of time. Since I started to follow your channel I also started to be much more open about it. While in the past I would only wear the symptoms openly (e.g. tell everyone that I am extremely forgetful the first time I meet them), I now share a lot more knowledge about it. Knowing that it is not a mental fault but in fact a lack of transmitters in the brain helps me to not be shy about it. Many people lack for example iron in their blood, or Vitamin D – well for me ADHD is kind of similar, only that the stuff I’m short on is floating in my brain. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? Having ADHD during school time really sucks. Being forced to sit quietly for hours in lessons about topics that are of zero interest, and then being required to remember & repeat that stuff in tests is exactly what ADHD minds aren’t good at. School subjects like art and music were easier, as I was able to use my creativity and wasn’t required to remember things or listen to long monologues of my teachers. Maths and Physics also worked well (I have twice exceptional ADHD, which probably helps), as I only needed to understand the principles and not to remember anything – and yes I often came up with new ways to solve given tasks even during a test, which in return meant that my grades varied from A to F, depending whether my teacher understood the calculations or not (the result was almost always correct, unless I overlooked a decimal point or so, which happened frequently). During my teenage years I stopped taking my medication, because I felt like it would change my personality. I started taking them again with about 18 years, and found out a few years later that indeed they do change my personality by 180 degree, but only for the time they are active. While my medication is active I score the exact opposite points on most personality tests compared to when I am not on medication. Today I learned to deal with that and even use it at times, but that took me a while. Also I learned that those changes are not permanent changes to my personality but only other aspects of my personality that were there already and just hidden. Now, as an adult who takes medication for more than 20 years, I started to enjoy some aspects while I am still struggling with others. I am much more open with my condition, all of my friends and most of my coworkers know about it. I now try to use my strengths and not to fight my limitations anymore. For example, I just accepted that I will never stay in a job for long. Or that some days I just don’t get work done, and others I manage to do the workload of several days within a few hours. Also, I don’t judge myself anymore for the ADHD related fails. For example I have a large ADHD-Tax-Budget, so that in a situation where I break something, loose something, miss a deadline or similar I don’t blame myself but instead try to say “hey, I still have money left in my budget which means I am doing better than I expected I would”. Having open conversations with my wife (we’re together for >10 years), who really supports me and knows about the traits that come with ADHD also really helps. She is the exact opposite of me, a steady, calm and very organised person. This brings many challenges but equally as many benefits. For example: My need for adventure & change made us move abroad, and her planning skills and foresight made it a success. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? My mom one day learned about ADHD when a friend of her got diagnosed. When she then started to read more about it she noticed that she ticked all the boxes (this was in 1997, so ADHD wasn’t commonly known in Germany back then). It took her about 2 years to finally get a diagnosis with the inattentive presentation, and as I started to show the same symptoms (being 9 years old in primary school) she got me checked and found out that I also had the inattentive presentation. After many tests (being a boy with inattentive presentation back then was hard to believe for many doctors) I managed to get medication, and that really changed my life. My mom still remembers that, when I came home from school that day, I told her “today was the first time I was able to listen in class, and even to take down notes before I forgot what the teacher had said”.

Watercolour

Hello! <3 Anonymous please! I was diagnosed 2 months ago, at age 34. I suspected I may have it for a while now, because I seemed to check many of the symptoms and there's confirmed family history, but no one else believed it, including family, friends and a couple of therapists I talked to, until I found a specialist with whom I clicked immediately. Unlike many other people, I didn't have anyone suggest I may want to get a diagnosis, it all came from the research I made (that's how I came across this channel!) and looking for clues throughout my life. I must say, your videos helped me a lot! In particular, there was a mention about women realizing on their own that they may have ADHD that made me feel so validated, I'm really grateful for that. In my childhood, I always felt like the odd one, I didn't seem to fit with my peers, I was always quiet and invisible in the corner, lost in my own world... except when they needed something from me, "the smart one" and "the good one" (I was a tragic case of a people-pleaser). After growing up a bit I started to open my eyes to a world full of color and choices that competed for my attention, wanting to try everything yet never achieving any kind of fulfillment from it, if I even dared try that is, since I was often locked in an analysis-paralysis state. I spent hours upon hours daydreaming, perhaps those things are related. I did well enough in school so no one complained. Adulthood is another kind of beast, since all of the above means I have absolutely no motivation (nor I ever learnt how) to hold down a routine even when I KNOW it would give me a solid foundation from which to work on my goals, which, speaking of, still have no concrete shape on my mind. My self-discipline is lacking sorely and it shows. In the social aspect I've become better at establishing relationships and keeping my boundaries but I'm still not too savvy about navigating social circumstances and I'm always fighting to belong with others. I don't want to become invisible again. I'm hoping that now, with the aid of medication and therapy, everything settles down and I have a clearer vision of where to go from now and how to get there, how to manage my energy levels and how to leave a positive mark somewhere around me.

Laurie Swenson

My life with ADHD is basically having an overwhelming number of things/amount of stuff to do and often not being able to get much done because it's too overwhelming (which can mean either a lot of work or many tasks or both). I was able to control this to some extent until I had to become a caregiver for elderly parents, who also had complicated finances and real estate that I had to sell. My youngest daughter joined us to help as well, and eight years later my oldest daughter got divorced and moved into the basement, further complicating things. I went from being a person who tried to keep things simple to being someone for whom everything was always complicated. I took some time off in September 2021 through January 2022 to try to get more done and that backfired because work (writing and editing, at home. but almost all editing lately) was kind of my crutch. Editing/proofreading is a simple thing for me (it can be frustrating, but it's something I know well and am comfortable with); I lean back in my chair and relax after I get started. So my stress level increased (Christmas was a mess) and I finally decided at the age of 64 to pursue the diagnosis I was already pretty sure of. (I check off most of the boxes on the ADHD tests, and my daughter was diagnosed in first grade.) I had a lot of support in that from one of my best friends, who was diagnosed as a kid and got on meds again as an adult (he's 40 now) and realized how much of all the anxiety and depression and self-doubts he goes through is related to ADHD, organically as well as related to the shame of the behaviors associated with ADHD. I guess my world with ADHD in a positive way would involve things being much more simplified and streamlined, especially my house. When I'm in a neutral setting such as an Airbnb or a hotel, I'm on top of everything because I can be. Things are simple. I can keep things neat and not chaotic (I hate chaos) Getting diagnosed (November 2021) was simple because the pandemic had the mental health center so taxed with struggling students who were studying remotely that the psychologist skipped the whole questionnaire thing (but suggested I might want to follow up with it later or at a larger facility) and felt from my descriptions and having a child diagnosed that it was reasonable that I had ADHD. It felt self-affirming but not surprising. I was nervous about her questioning ADHD for me since I was older, but that wasn't an issue at all. I suppose I grew up with it. I was a weird kid (brushed my hair with mashed potatoes in fourth grade on a dare and in second grace took off my shirt in class because I was hot) and blurted out weird things ("They should have sex" when seeing people kissing on TV while watching with my classmate and her mom). I do like that I did cartwheels whenever/wherever I felt like (within some sense of reason ;)). Thanks! (if you use anything from here, feel free to use my real name, Laurie Swenson).

Nelka

If you use my answers - anonymous, please. --What does your world look like with your ADHD? Overwhelming and exciting. Overwhelming when it isn't something that interests me, and exciting when it does. --What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? For my parents and teachers it was exhausting and often exciting. For me - interesting, exciting, curious! I was hyperactive, climbing everywhere, jumping, romping around, getting into things. I love reading and started reading early, so that gave everyone around a break, lol. Now, as an adult - it is much harder. Adulting means taking care of a lot of organization, planning, looking ahead. And doing a lot of things that I find super boring and frustrating. Again, hard. Taking care and helping my kids when I can't deal with those same issues is also hard. Also, the issues that are not such a big deal in a kid are socially harder in an adult. --How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I am not ready to get diagnosed. While I am sure that I have both ADHD and ASD (Autistic Spectrum), I am not ready to deal with a diagnosis and another medication. I already take meds for a serious issue, and another one for a less major - and I have weird reactions to meds, so finding those that work was hard enough. So I am not ready to deal with more meds. Especially considering how hard it is to find meds that work for me.

Donna McMaster

Sorry my responses are so long, Jessica, but I found that I had a lot I've been wanting to say. This exercise has really helped me to weave all the bits of my history in with my new understanding of ADHD and begin to make sense of it all. Take whatever pieces work for you, optionally credit me as Donna Mc, and if you managed to read the whole thing, then thanks for reading! >>> What does your world look like with your ADHD? I'm in a state of flux and confusion. I always thought I was just a flake: smart, capable, quirky, lots of ideas, but unpredictable, disorganized, and unreliable. I have disappointed so many people with my inability to follow through and keep commitments. Five months ago, at age 70, I "discovered" ADHD via YouTube. I was so excited that ADHD might account for my difficulties and behavior and especially that there are treatments that might prove effective. Since being diagnosed I've been trying to figure out who I am, which parts of me are my ADHD and which parts are just me. And I grieve for the years of self-hatred, ineffective struggle, and lost opportunities, disappointed that none of the professionals I've gone to for help over the years had recognized my ADHD. Two months I started taking a tiny dose of Adderal, and ramped slowly. Within 4-6 weeks I was seeing a clear improvement in my ability to focus and accomplish tasks. Over the past month I've finished two projects that had been on my "must do" list for over two years and have dug out from most of the paper clutter that had been in the way of progress. Now my challenge is to learn new habits as the old ways are so ingrained. I'm seeking a coach and in the meantime reading books and (of course) watching more videos. >>> What was it like growing up with it? I was born in 1950, long before ADHD was recognized in daydreaming little girls. Mom taught me to read before first grade so I had a head start. I loved school, my teachers, books, and learning new things, and when the teacher asked a question I was usually the first to raise my hand, bouncing in my chair, thinking (and maybe saying out loud) "I know! I know!" But I was bored with repetitive classroom work. Once I knew how to do something I wasn't interested in practicing it. My primary school report cards had comments like "Donna is a wonderful little student.... However, I hope she will find some way of breaking herself of her forgetfulness." And "We are going to work together on improving her attentiveness and memory for directions." And "Donna needs to be more self reliant.... She must learn to do assigned work whether she feels it necessary or not. She is careless in reading and following her directions." I had only a few friends. I did eventually learn to keep my hand down and my mouth shut in class most of the time (though I still bounced in my chair a bit when I was dying to give the answer), but by that time I was already taunted as "teacher's pet" or "know-it-all," and was never in the popular group. I found escape and companionship in books and my obsession with horses. I read constantly and by second or third grade I had read every horse-related book in our tiny local library. I often forgot to return books on time and the librarian, whom I adored, let me work off my fines by helping her shelve. When I was 12, I got a horse. I couldn't afford a saddle, so I rode bareback. He was wasn't fully trained, and would often buck when he was fresh, which was fun. I was never happier than when I was spending time with him. My parents enforced homework time through high school. Even so, I remember finishing my math homework in the 15-20 minutes before class started, and then working on my English assignment during math class. My friends called me absent-minded. Schoolwork was pretty easy for me so I got away with it and was accepted at Stanford. Going from a small town to a big university was overwhelming. Everyone seemed smarter than me. I was afraid to speak up or ask questions. Many classes were held in huge lecture halls and I struggled to stay awake. Too, this was 1968-69, a time of civil rights and anti-war protests on campus, which were much more compelling than classes, and I was open to distractions. By the middle of Fall quarter I was skipping morning classes, and finished the quarter with one incomplete, one F, and two Cs. Winter quarter was much the same. In Spring quarter I was placed on academic probation and sent to counseling. I completed some psychological questionnaires, then met with a psychiatrist. I focused my energy on trying not to cry. He asked questions and observed that my test scores indicated that I should be doing well, and that I had poor study habits. He concluded with what I heard as "there's something very wrong, but I don't know what it is." There was no follow-up. For years I saw myself as being so broken that even a psychiatrist couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I visualized it as a big black hole in my core. Though I know better now, a trace of that feeling still lingers. I left the university in June with four incompletes, all waiting for me to turn in term papers. After returning home, I carried around a notebook with all my notes and drafts, thinking I would work on the papers at the library or when I had a break from work. I made no progress, and when the notebook was stolen that December, I was devastated but also relieved that I could finally let go. I dropped acid seeking enlightenment about what was wrong with me, contemplated suicide without ever pursuing it, wrote in my journal, and worked at menial jobs while I nursed my wounds and regained some confidence. Three years later I contacted my advisor (who was also the Stanford Registrar) with a question about credits. He replied, "I do indeed remember you as an advisee whom I liked very much, but found perplexing. I couldn’t quite understand the great gap between your ability and performance." >> Being an adult with it? My ADHD was neither diagnosed nor treated until a few months ago, around the time I turned 71. In the past 50+ years I've accomplished a lot. I worked as maid, waitress, and stock clerk, volunteered and was hired full-time at a free clinic, photographed horse shows and worked in a photo lab developing custom color enlargements. I have a pattern of not looking carefully before I leap. At age 26 (well before the Mac and word processing) I decided to publish a regional newsmagazine for people interested in horse jumping and dressage. I learned typesetting and press preparation, forced myself to sit down and write articles, liberally sprinkled the pages with my photos, and the magazine was well-received. Unfortunately the things I couldn't do were to manage money and sell ads, so I folded it after a year. I also enjoyed challenging myself physically, though not always sensibly. I took up jogging, loved the 10-15k runs, but did too many and damaged my knee. I power lifted 7-8 hours/week until my hip objected to the squats. I got hooked on whitewater rafting, running my oar boat through Class V+ Rainie Falls on the Rogue because it looked like too much trouble to go around. I backpacked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back out, and it was so incredible that I repeated the trip the next two years. I learned to ski at 35, avoiding moguls for the sake of my knees and zooming down groomed runs as fast as I could. And at 36 I fell in love with whitewater kayaking, running various stretches of 17 rivers in California, Oregon, and Idaho over the next 20 years, including twice paddling the 225-mile Grand Canyon of the Colorado. There is nothing like a challenging rapid to make you feel alive. I often carpooled with my friend Libby, who would ask me, "tell me again why we chose a sport that terrifies us?" At 30, bored with the darkroom, I decided to become a programmer and enrolled in community college. The first year went well so I transferred back to Stanford. This time I wasn't intimidated by the professors, knew what I wanted, and was motivated by years of repetitive jobs. After two years of study, I was offered a software engineering job at a small networking startup. I loved it, so I dropped out of college again. I thrived on the high-pressure deadlines and terrific team, working 50-60 hours/week and doing little else. Over the next 15 years I worked my way up to software engineering director, changing companies a few times. By age 46 I was an expert in my specialty, making a six-figure salary at Cisco with substantial stock options. As I went higher in management, however, the jobs became less well-defined, and sometimes I couldn't figure out what was expected of me. I was no longer doing programming, which I still loved, and was not that interested in analyzing the networking industry. I struggled to stay focused on technical papers and details, and was fired once because I couldn't quickly come up to speed on some new technology. I wanted to be on a whitewater river instead of stuck in the crowded, congested Bay Area. Sometimes I had to bribe myself to go to work by making a stop at See's Candies on the way. I bought a house near my favorite kayaking river and moved there for a few months, then back to the Bay Area for a year, and repeated the cycle twice more. This wasn't a new pattern. I always became restless after a few years in one area, often losing connections with my best friends behind when I left. I found fault with every house I lived in, so over 50 years I moved 34 times. I built my dream home on the river, spending 60% over budget, and then had to sell it a year later as I could't keep up with the mortgage. I found it difficult to maintain relationships because of the same restlessness. I got talked into marriage with a man I hardly knew and wanted out of it before the wedding but couldn't tell him so we had one miserable year together. I was diagnosed with depression and have been in therapy off and on since my mid-30s. I needed a job that I could take with me to the river, so in 1995 I became a free-lance web developer. Being self-employed solved the location problem but my lack of accountability, responsiveness, and organizational skills made earning a steady income impossible. Initially I struggled to find clients. Once I gained enough experience to get referrals, I started getting further behind until finally I lost enough good clients to be able to catch up. It's a dumb way to run a business. Caring for older relatives is often a challenge for adults in middle age. In my mid-50s my father developed Alzheimer's, lost his driver's license, and moved in with me. I cared for him in my home for three years, which completely overwhelmed my already precarious ability to work, make a living, and keep up with my finances. I got behind in filing taxes when he moved in and have never caught up. I didn't have enough income to cover my expenses, so I paid bills with credit cards. I finally convinced my brothers to help pay to move him to assisted living, where I oversaw his care instead of providing it. After he moved out, I had to refinance my house to pay off the maxed-out credit card balances and then cancelled all them as I couldn't trust myself. There's a serious financial cost to being an adult with ADHD. Despite those years of high salaries, today I have no savings. Every time the stock market dipped, I panicked and pulled out my money. I gave away money spontaneously and wasted so much of it. Financially I feel like a failure, and do not feel secure about my future. I've fought my own nature for 71 years. I'm exhausted but I'm not dead yet. I want more than anything to have a chance to learn what it's like to be able to focus and get things done. Being diagnosed with ADHD and beginning treatment give me hope that I can turn myself around. >>> How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? tl;dr I self-diagnosed from YouTube and reading. I couldn't find an ADHD specialist who accepts my insurance, so my therapist (LCSW) reluctantly agreed to do the assessment herself after some coaching from an experienced colleague. My psychiatrist accepted her diagnosis of ADHD. Time from my initial inquiry to the diagnosis was three weeks, which seemed like forever but I realize that I was lucky it didn't take longer. Then there was another month between the diagnosis and the prescription as the psychiatrist wanted to me to see my cardiologist for a consultation. -- long form -- Last August I was so exhausted struggling to manage my own brain and shaming myself for not getting things done that I was ready to give up. Then in early September YouTube's algorithm offered me "Should You Be Assessed for ADHD?" from Harley Therapy and I found the speaker telling the story of my life. I watched a few more videos from the "How to ADHD" channel and Dr. Barkley, concluding that ADHD was a likely culprit. Next I devoured information on ADHD causes, symptoms, and remedies. I reviewed teacher's notes on old report cards and read my old journals and saw dozens of clues. I then sent a message to my psychiatrist (Dr. Y) requesting a referral for ADHD assessment, and a message to my therapist (Anne) asking for her thoughts. I called my brother and four long-time friends to get their reactions. Two of my friends said that they had strongly suspected that I was ADHD. Dr. Y responded saying that I didn't need a referral, and pointed me to the two neuropsychologists in town who do ADHD assessments. They responded but neither of them would accept my insurance. The out-of-pocket costs would be at least $1500-2000, which I did not have available. I then emailed Anne, who said that one of the psychologists in their group (located in a nearby town) does ADHD assessments. This would be good as their group takes my insurance. However, she is booked over a year out. My insurance policy is a preferred provider plan, and I was unable to find any other ADHD specialists in their list. I contacted the insurance company and the woman I talked with didn't speak English well enough to understand anything I was asking. Again I emailed Anne, sending her some of the "evidence" from old report cards and the like. Her response: "As an LCSW, I have the legal capacity to diagnose clients. However, diagnosing adult ADD/ADHD is not within my personal scope of experience, or expertise, which is why I recommended further comprehensive testing with a Psychologist. I feel that many of your symptoms are consistent with this diagnosis, but I am also aware that there is a lot of overlap with your other existing diagnoses and therefore feel that you would be better served by further professional evaluation and possible Rx treatment." It had now been a week since my initial query and I was feeling frustrated. I would definitely prefer a complete evaluation by a specialist. However I was reluctant to borrow $1500-2000 to make this happen. Thankfully Anne came back the next day. She had shared some of my evidence with her colleague who does assessments, and the colleague was kind enough to send her some ADHD questionnaires and discuss their use. So we scheduled a time the following week for our assessment session. The assessment itself was pretty easy, as I met 11 of the 18 criteria in her self-report scale. In each case I was able to relate multiple instances of the feelings or behavior. Anne did not question the ADHD diagnosis, though she said that it would have been best to talk with an expert as they would be better able to identify which other symptoms (primarily depression) are caused by the ADHD itself and which are co-morbidities. I shared the results with Dr. Y, with an invitation to call Anne to confirm, and she accepted the diagnosis without question. At this point one month had passed. Dr. Y then referred me to my cardiologist for an opinion about the safety of my using the FDA-approved medications. Three weeks later, we had a green light from her. A week after that, I met with Dr. Y and she prescribed atomoxetine. After three weeks using that with no effect, she started me on a very low dose of Adderal to make sure I had no ill effects, with plans to ramp up slowly. That was eleven weeks ago. I'm at 25mg XR for another week, planning to go to 30mg next.

How to ADHD

Thank you so much everyone!! It's incredible to see the similarities AND differences! ♥

Ann Ingham

Yes you can quote me What does your world look like with your ADHD? Ann time is now! Other time is mainly a concept. My electronic calendar deals with all that. What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? Growing up, i didn't know I had it. I grew up in 60's and 70's. I was criticised for inattention and told to try harder all the time. I had trouble fitting in, so stopped trying. I'm curious. I've followed my curiosity as much as I can and have acquired lots of knowledge and skills - more than most. Ive had 5 different career directions. How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? I was diagnosed 14 months ago at age 61. I'm a psychotherapist and was working with clients with ADHD and did research. Suddenly, it was a lightbulb moment. I always knew there was something but never knew what it was, then there was this set of traits that really fit. I got a private psychiatry appointment (psychiatry UK) . NHS waiting list for adults is years long. My GP was really helpful when I got a copy of the report to him. Now I'm on medication from the NHS. Only 18 mg concertaXL. Its really helping. I also asked for HRT patches cos part of my problems are lower oestrogen levels resulting in poor sleep.

A Arctic fox

What does your world look like with your ADHD? it looks very chaotic and since i wasnt able to get diagnosed untl 6 months ish ago i still dont have meds and so i cant go to college yet, basically i am disorganized and chaotic and everything is pretty difficult compared to NT's even though im used to having adhd and more its still annoying and hard but *shrug* What was it like growing up with it? very hard, i knew i was smart but throughout elementary school i could still succeed well enough but i lost that ability once i went to middle school because i developed mental health issues and couldnt keep up since i had been slowly getting more and more behind and its been getting better since before i go to college i need to get adhd meds but i have at least been diagnosed since last summer actually (Im bad with time) but i struggled a lot and also being autistic and more everything a lot harder and made it so i never knew why i was so different from my peers which really sucked especially since i was bullied from kindergarten (around 5 years old) to 5th grade (around 11 years old) How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? around 6 months ago and it was really bad because the person who diagnosed me is the head of the adhd department in my insurance but she was upset i wouldnt let her be my therapist because she was mean and upset me so she was kinda mean during it and i had to try to click the right buttons at the right time and no other buttons and so i didnt really do that and was diagnosed with severe adhd and it was only a beep and then clicking a button for HALF AN HOUR you can use my name in it

Edward Pickering-Symes

What does your world look like with your ADHD? Never being able to guarantee I’ll do something. I find it very hard to manage my time on my own. I realise now that everything is more intense for me than for most and I live life swinging between struggle and delight. We are super-aware beings of internal speed and external change. What was it like growing up with it? Humiliating. I was the outcast at school. I was lonely and I was bullied. I was incapable of small talk. I was told they picked on me because I was unusual, and they got a reaction when they were horrible to me. In the new language of ADHD, was this rejection sensitivity? Being interesting is not good at school. I got on with my teachers until the brilliance in class discussions stopped showing itself in my written work. I also hated myself for not being able to get myself to complete homework. When anything was hard or boring, I started dreaming. The endless excuses and lies I made hollowed me out until I left school and got a job in France which required spontaneity. Being an adult with it? I learned coping mechanisms and was lucky. I was born British, male, white, and middle class. Without the patience and support of others and the second chances my privilege gave me, my life might have been very different. I met a wonderful woman who, like me, expressed her feelings and was a lot of fun and she forgave me when I forgot important things or got behind at work. I have all the benefits of ADHD as well. I am funny, creative, spontaneous and good in a crisis. I am the problem-solver who thought of the unusual solution. I am a teacher in a 16+ college and this has given me a lot of flexibility. How did you get diagnosed? In the UK you can wait for at least 18 months for the NHS or you can pay four to five hundred pounds to get a proper assessment by a psychologist experienced in ADHD. I chose the latter when a brilliant colleague gave a contact. I gathered the information and had a Zoom assessment. It also meant I could help my child at the same time. She has had the help that I didn’t get due to the lack of understanding at the time. When? Last year in my forties. Better than a mid-life crisis, eh? What was the experience like? A massive relief. A chance to forgive myself for every time I had meant to do something but hadn’t. I wasn’t a bad person for not doing those homeworks, not getting the grades. I didn’t mean to forget to make that appointment or be constantly late. No more excuses, I am actually more accountable because I can say more realistically when I am most likely to do something. I am no longer layered in fake versions of myself. I say no to all peripheral activities that don’t help me get on or that don’t have a direct effect on my students. I have accommodations at work like a quiet place to work. I am so grateful for all the guidance from scientists like Dr Ed Hallowell and fellow ADHDers like How to ADHD, ADDitude Mag and friends I’ve made. I have joined a warm community of diverse ADHDers connected from around the world. It is no exaggeration to say my diagnosis has changed my life. You can use my name in the book if you think my quote will be useful. Use part of what I've written here if it's easier. Thanks for everything you do.

Henriikka Halila

I just got my diagnosis last year. I'm 41. I've been depressed since I was 8 or 9, have anxiety, etc. I seriously learnt about ADHD from tumblr posts and memes, and went to read more, and more, and more... Based on all I'd read (anecdotal and academic level) I knew I had ADHD. It took me a few years to get a doc in public health to okay testing for it (4 or 5 different docs I was seeing due to burnout/depression. Public side has a revolving door for doctors...) But per diagnosis guidelines in Finland, you can only be diagnosed if you can be shown as having had issues since you were a kid. My mom found some of my report cards but that's it. No one knows where my school health records are. (And my problems didn't really start showing until high school, as is typical, or reach a crisis point until university.) Had three different interview sessions with a psychologist, one attended remotely by my mom. A neuro psychiatrist made the final diagnosis based on the interviews and had apparently said I AM SUCH A CLEAR CASE it didn't matter I didn't have all the required records. I wanted to write that on a card and send it to the first doc I asked and who told me I couldn't have it. I started med trials soon after. The change was magical. Had phone appointments with the doc every two weeks at the beginning, now once a month. Am on queue for specialist therapy. I was so happy I cried when my psychologist called me to tell me I have a diagnosis. (Officially ADD, as that is still used here to separate hyperactive and inattentive ADHD). For depression I would have had to find my own therapist even if I'd get monetary help from the national health insurance. You can guess how easy that was gonna be with ADHD and depression. But with an official diagnosis requiring specialist therapy? They'll find one for me. Queues are long but at least I am in the queue. Still, despite the fact diagnosis criteria is... outdated, so to say, there is one huge bonus to living in a Nordic country. The whole diagnosis process? Cost me 0 euros. My continuing care? 0 euros. I pay for my stimulants, but state covers a part of that too. And after hitting 6-700 euros (depending on the year) in (applicable) med costs, everything costs 2,50 per med. I usually hit that at the end of the year so will have time to get most of my prescriptions practically free for the next three months. Don't know about the therapy costs yet. (Also have electronic prescription renewal service which makes it So Much Easier as an ADHD person the keep up with my meds... My comorbidies include fibromyalgia, asthma, depression and have meds for all of those so I have a lot I'd need to keep track of without it.) (If you want to use something, I'd prefer to be referred to by my Internet name of Niki, my legal name is literally unique.) (Edited to make some stuff clearer, writing long comments on mobile is frustrating.)

Watt Family

I was diagnosed at 49 after my daughter was diagnosed aged 9. When she started secondary school she wrote them a letter explaining who she was and how she felt about her ADHD .. she has given me permission to share it with you. "Evelyn Watt – What I think you should know about my ADHD Hi, I’m Evelyn but I like people to call me Evie. I can't wait to start secondary school because I love learning and i especially like creative writing. I’m excited to meet new people and start new subjects. In 2019 I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. I am currently taking medication and will begin cognitive behavioural therapy over the summer. However, it doesn’t stop my brain having trouble controlling or shifting my attention.  Sometimes my brain jumps from one thing to the next very quickly and other times my brain zero’s in or on something and it can be hard to pull myself out of a hyper focus. It’s like having a billion trampolines in your head each representing a thought and your brain just jumping off each and every one, every second. Then again it can be like staying on one trampoline and never getting off! My executive functions are not as developed as others my age so it’s difficult for me to control my thoughts or be as organised. I get distracted easily and really struggle with the concept of time. I can also get more fidgety and restless when I'm stressed or tired. People tell me that I can talk fast and it's hard for them to understand me. It is also frustrating to me because I don't know that I'm doing it.  I'm getting better at noticing when I am talking fast, and I am trying not to be offended when asked to slow down. I can be messy and unorganised, and this means that sometimes I can't find things and I lose things easily. Brimpton is a very small school and it's not that hard-to-find things I have lost but I am worried that at the Hurst it will be much harder to find my items if I have misplaced them. When I start at the Hurst it would be really helpful if as my teachers you understood that I lose things easily and it doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I’m not lazy and I do care, and I get upset and frustrated when people say I am these things because I am probably more annoyed at myself than you are!  I would like you to do know that if I am staring into space, it’s not that I am not listening to you, it’s just hard to concentrate with other distractions or background noise and I am just trying to order my thoughts because I am overwhelmed. Sometimes I can struggle with something you might think is really simple and this can make me feel very frustrated and feel stupid. My working memory isn’t that good so you may have to tell me something more than once before it sinks in. As my teachers I would like you to know that not everyone with ADHD shares the same symptoms. My dad and my big brother also have ADHD but their symptoms are different to mine. I want you to know that my ADHD symptoms are not excuses but explanations. I get good grades and hardly get into trouble but that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling with my symptoms.  Although there is a lot of negative stuff about ADHD, I don’t think of it as a disorder I think of it as my brain working differently to yours. I am a great problem solver and creative thinker. I am funny and kind and a great friend.  I really hope to achieve my full potential at the Hurst. I would be happy to talk to you about my ADHD and suggest if you have time check out How to ADHD on YouTube because it’s really good and explains lots."

Tristan Alwyn-Clark

I only got diagnosed in 2021 at the age of 47. I’d felt I was in some way a bit different for ages and trouble at work pushed me to get a diagnosis. The experience was kind of strange, I’ve never been to a doctor for anything like this before. I filled out questionnaires, my family filled out questionnaires and then I went over it with a psychiatrist. The process I went through did not consider any co-morbidities, at the time so during the consultation the doctor did seem somewhat stern, warning me that he could not comment on other conditions, before he told me I have ADHD. The support offered is medication, which I cannot take yet due to hypertension, but that is slowly getting better. So, hopefully soon medication may be an option, something I can try and see if it helps. So currently the only change is that I now know that I have ADHD. The trouble at work still exists. Growing up with it I did ok at school. I did get bullied, but not by pupils from my school but from another local school. At home I had a shouty heavy drinking step-father. I did ok, in most subjects, didn’t have many friends. I struggled to do any revision for my exams at school. The results weren’t spectacular. I went on to do an HND (I think the equivalent is an associate degree in the US). My results were ok, I had a few friends at the university but actually socialised more with the local radio hams. Subsequently I got a couple of other HNDs (the results got better each time) and finally a BSc in 2016, all before knowing I had ADHD. Studying was hard, it was a struggle to get the work done (assignments written and course work studied). Lots of work was done as last minute all nighters. The days I’d take off work to work to study often came to nothing but me berating myself for not working better. In the end if I’d done better on one assignment I’d have a first. So it didn’t work out too bad. While I’ve managed to hold down a job, there just isn’t a career. I’ve not progressed with a similar apparent ease as my peers. It’s taken me 20/24 years to get where anyone else seems to get in 10. Now while I don’t crave the latest shiny things and the biggest house or the most lavish holidays, did it have to be so hard? Why every time I stood up for myself was asking for anything dismissed as ‘special treatment’ (and still is despite the diagnosis)? My current manager seems to feel that now I know I have ADHD I can some how correct for it and just be normal. I keep trying to get another job, find some angle that will help but everything is built around the ‘interview’ process which clearly hasn’t worked for me so that too is a long slow and painful process. I currently have no idea what the ‘right kind of difficult’ would look like or how my current skills, qualifications and knowledge could help with that, or not. So as an adult ADHD has been confusing and still is. Family wise my wife and her family have always been tolerant of me. My children are a challenge, they would be anyway. I doubt my ability and suitability as a parent, but I think a sane person would from time to time anyway. Perhaps knowing about the ADHD would also have helped with the apparent co-morbid depression, it wouldn’t have been just normal for me (hopefully).

Shona Coverdale

I'm 46, and I've always known I have ADHD, but my mom was afraid that if I got diagnosed, I'd be put on Ritalin and she didn't want that. So she managed me as a child by limiting sweets, taking me to the park alot, and giving me leeway, like when she let me do my homework on my hands and knees on the kitchen table, crawling in circles until it was done. I very recently, like in November last year, took steps to get diagnosed and my psychiatrist said it was one the easiest diagnoses she's done.

Shona Coverdale

My world has always been chaotic, and I've always felt a few steps behind in trying to navigate it. I've tried journals without success, though a few years ago I started using my phone calendar, which has helped me a lot to be places on time, or even at all. I'm chronically late, and it has affected my employment in almost every facet. I even got fired from a dentist once for being late too often. I easily hyperfocus on things like video games, so I created an 8:30pm alarm to remind me to start doing my kids bedtime routine. It helps draw me out, because otherwise it can easily get to 12, 1 in the morning and I'll be unaware. I made the alarm after playing until 4am when I had to get up at 5, and realized it was a problem. In my early 20s, I was doing college and got so addicted to a new game that I played for 36 hours straight and theb crashed, and missed my finals, flunking an entire quarter over it. That was a wake up call, and gave me a benchmark for "too much" but I still had to learn to shut off at a reasonable hour. Which, if I'm honest, still is a struggle. At work, as long as I know what I need to do, I can chug along pretty well, and I hate micro managers. But at the same time, if there's things I need to do, like remember to look at individual cases or something, office type work, that has been a challenge. I use post it notes, one notes, outlook, etc. Sometimes 4 or 5 layers of reminders, but the problem is that I'm really prone to seeing it and thinking, "I'll finish this and get to that in a minute" and then promptly forget. And I probably won't remember again for a few days when the "oh crap, I forgot" anxiety sets in and then that thing becomes my focus to the exclusion of everything else I need to do, making things worse. It always feels a bit like drowning a little at a time and never quite figuring out how other people stay on dry land. Since I got diagnosed, I've been taking a stimulant, but it's still really new to me, so I'm playing it by ear. The biggest thing I noticed with the stimulant is that it seems HARDER to pull myself away from things, but at the same time, I think that's a reflection of my skewed long time habit of bouncing from thing to thing. My family has said that I seem calmer, so maybe that's a good direction. But, yeah, all the tropes apply to me. Been fired, multiple car accidents, divorce, many jobs, easily forget things, had power shut off because I forgot to pay it, my credit has always been a mess, etc. 10 years ago I went to living solely on cash, which helped, but also meant meant a smaller leeway for mistakes. It's always felt like my learning curve for knowledge is small, but for life, it's long and arduous. I wish I'd gotten diagnosed sooner, but honestly I was afraid to. I was afraid that if I did, I'd lose whatever it was that made me, me. The creative me, mostly. But I was wrong. Even in just 3 months, I not only haven't lost myself, but I think the me I'm discovering is a better version. Not perfect by any stretch, but at least I've found a log to hold onto in the ocean.

Shona Coverdale

Final thought (sorry, I'm doing this on my phone). I started taking gabapentin for nerve pain a few weeks before I decided to get diagnosed, and it made me realize that I have been living with an insane level of anxiety and was so used to it that I didn't even recognize it for what it was. And one of my biggest challenges as a parent with ADHD is that my kids are very aware that time is a malleable concept for me, so when I say "ten minutes" they absolutely count on me forgetting for 40.

Natassia Tavares

About getting diagnosis, ever since I started college I got obsessed with self diagnosis because it all started to get so hard that I was convinced I had some kind of psychological issue since nobody struggled the way I did. In my mind, if I had something, I could treat it and get help, if I didn’t have it, it would always be this hard and I could do nothing about it. After researching, adhd seems a lot obvious, I went to a psychiatrist that said I couldn’t have ADHD after interviewing my mother and getting to a conclusion I couldn’t have it because I had no symptoms as a child. I know now that this is not true. After about five years I went to another psychiatrist (pandemic made my ADHD worse) and she diagnosed me. It felt amazing to know I didn’t make it all up. You can quote me.

Samuel Enslin

What was it like growing up with it? I got diagnosed at age 43. My mother was bipolar and in and out of hospitals every two to three years. My parents got separated when I was three and I was in foster care for a year until my mom remarried. I was constantly trying to fix my mom, so I really didn´t have much time dealing with my own shortcomings and I had nobody even noticing them. I always had troubles making friends, but we also moved around a lot. I was smart enough to just do the bare minimum in school, but still get through it ok. There is enough to unpack that would probably give anyone a hard time growing up to be "normal", but the three things that persisted through all of it were what in the end lead me to seek out a diagnosis: 1. I was always stressed. Its a mix of restlessness, my brain never shutting down (which I attributed to just being smarter than average) and, what I also only recently realized, lots of anxiety. 2. I was always super easily bored. Bored with people, bored with tasks, bored with myself, bored with life. Which I also attributed to being too smart...And yet failing miserably at doing anything consistently or seeing things through to the end. Boredom then often lead to feeling depressed and then becoming depressed. 3. Constant moodswings. I attributed this to growing up with a bipolar parent. But my moodswings never lasted long. When I´m depressed, I´m super depressed, but it usually never lasted longer than a few days. Which was a blessing and a curse...I felt like the proverbial roly-poly toy. Unable to fail long enough to make things better long term.... Kind of getting by in life, but constantly feeling like something was missing. Always going SOMEWHERE, but never actually reaching my goals. As an adult, I had mostly settled into kind of a pessimistic world view, where things are just what they are and I had to grow up someday and leave my childish dreams behind and just FUNCTION like an adult, even if I didn´t feel like one. I also projected most of my problems into my relationship and mostly tried to fix that (to no result of course). I was always aware of how my childhood had impacted me, but I never felt like I fit any sort of diagnosis, so I didn´t know what to get help with. I mean...sure, i was depressed, but never long enough. Sure, I had mood swings, but I wasn´t bipolar. Yeah, I had relationship issues, but don´t we all? And how do you even fix self-esteem, by talking about how mommy never had time for you as a kid...? During the pandemic, my situation worsened, constantly working from home left me much more understimulated than usual with a lot more distractions to deal with while trying to work a job I was getting bored with after 8 years... I started to get anger management issues and since I couldn´t even control them in front of the kids, I started to think there might be something worth fixing with me after all. Somehow I stumbled over a facebook post about anxiety and from there found myself doing an online ADHD test. A ton of the symptoms I would have never seen as adhd, but totally clicked with me. It took me three months to get an appointment and during that time I obsessively researched every bit of information I got. A lot of things started making sense much more and I was able to reframe some of my issues. The biggest relief was starting to see how me failing at getting better all my life, was due to ADHD and not just a lack of willpower or self sabotage.... I still had a lot of anxiety about NOT having adhd, until I finally was diagnosed with it and through all my research, I realized there is a ton of overlap between adhd, asd, anxiety, CPTSD and a bunch more labels, but I´m adressing the adhd first, because thats the one preventing me from following through on ANYTHING.... Feel free to quote anything with full name. Being an adult with it? How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like?

Eric Mock

What does your world look like with your ADHD? It's full of fun, optimism and imagination. I feel like my mind is constantly coming up with new ways to enjoy the world, the outdoors, and with new stories. But it's also a world of anxiety and fear anytime I receive a negative criticism or feel rejected in any way. But I wouldn't trade my imaginative, fun-loving self for anything! How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? Honestly your channel is the reason I went ahead and got diagnosed. I watched your video: 'What it's Like to be Diagnosed with ADHD as an Adult' and it helped me see how helpful it could be to get diagnosed, even at age 30. And omg has it been one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. Thankfully the psychiatrist I saw was very understanding and was able to prescribe me with meds pretty quickly.

Jennifer Noce

1.) My world with ADHD looks like Chaos and Beauty. I can view the things around me with anxiety but can recognize silver linings as well. It's bizarre, because I feel like I can enter an environment like a restaurant and become extremely overwhelmed when I'm there on a date or with family/friends but when I'm alone it's soothing and I can observe a couple talking about their future plans or watch as parents try to keep their three kids from running all over the place. 2.) Growing up was like being an adult, you try very hard to communicate and you can't understand why the person you're talking too is looking at you funny or is uninterested in speaking to you. You feel like you've followed every rule on how to talk to people, but then it falls on my ass and I wonder why I even attempt talking in the first place. It's different now because as an adult I can recognize it and I don't take it out on myself anymore. As a kid I thought there was something wrong with me, as an adult I know it's because the person I'm talking too is just a d*ck. 3.) I was diagnosed at 8 years old, I only know how I was diagnosed from talking to my parents and that I was given a test just to see, the doctors not expecting me to have it, but sure enough I did. My experience felt forced, all I remember was just that my parents would tell me that I would be taking this pill now every morning and that it would help me with school. I also remember every 6 months or so seeing a specific doctor and he would ask me a bunch of questions then ask me to leave the room so he could talk to my parents. I still remember whenever I would be asked to leave the room how anxious it made me feel, because I knew they were talking about me and I thought it was because I was being bad. My childhood experience with it was very much out of my control, which was very frustrating to me. It was like, I can do it on my own, everyone else can, why shouldn't I.

josh bailey

i’m so late to the party with this response oops but i got diagnosed with ADHD last year at the age of 21! before this, the world always looked like everyone was on top of everything & succeeding & i was just stupid or lazy or “not putting in any effort.” for the longest time i truly thought i was dumb but after getting diagnosed it felt like a switch flipped or something ? & i was just like wait so i’m not just lazy ? i felt such a mix of emotions. i was so happy to finally know & start moving forward & acknowledge that i am ADHD & take that into account when going through everyday life. i was also quite sad bc i wished i would’ve gotten on top of this sooner & i felt like i was missing out but i am now at peace with that & i know that it’s never too late to get diagnosed. ever since the diagnosis i have learned so much more about ADHD & have started to finally look at it as like a superpower rather than a “disorder.” i am doing better in school & at work too. i work at a psychiatric children’s housing facility in my area & so many of the children i work with are ADHD & we often will talk about it & just relate to eachother about how it can truly be a struggle at times with ADHD. it can be a very emotionally & mentally taxing job but they’re all so brilliant & it hurts to hear everything they have been through but seeing them all succeed & grow & even smaller things like get an A on a test they worked so hard to study for makes it all feel so worth it & i truly think that my (& my coworkers) ADHD helps tremendously in that job environment

Nick Moulton

My world with ADHD seems normal to me...now haha. I had always silently just dealt with being fidgety, or easily distracted, or falling so into a hyperfocus that I forget to eat the whole day (which turns out ain't normal to everyone else). Growing up, I and my parents knew I had it...and all teachers (sorry teachers). My parents decided that it was a behavioral disorder and chose not to medicate, but also didn't seek out a counselor or coach for me to deal with it either - much the same reason as others, I was a smart kid. Nowadays it's a much bigger issue, due to current workplace and marriage and now a father! I've survived off self-medicating myself with caffeine for two decades (I'm talking 1000mg MINIMUM a DAY)! Thankfully, I decided to seek professional help and am now on Concerta (still a rather high dose due to long term "self-stimming" haha). I had no idea I was diagnosed until I was nearly graduated from high school. My parents knew since 3rd grade... I don't resent them for their decision, they did what they thought was right.

Account Name

When a good support system is in place, it is more like a superpower. We cope before we know why, because we don't know any different way. Hence the high late-diagnosis rate. It is when the support system fails or breaks down - or it becomes a problem for someone else - it becomes your problem. That's how it one GP explained it. Stress and convention do not go well together.

Is

Had a previous comment on this, did not realize it was meant for future publication. I would prefer not to be quoted.

A Arctic fox

I really thought I responded to this already but I'll say it again because idk why not im procrastinating on sleep ilo do anything to avoid sleep, feel free to quote me however you want or know how to refer to me as just don't include my age if you know it, it looks very messy but honestly it helps me so much with figuring out ideas for how I hope to change the world without it I probably wouldn't have near as many ideas on how to change the world as I do, its very stressful and chaotic though at the moment due to it being severe and untreated, I never got to be an adult with it without knowing but it was really hard growing up with it since I was "gifted" but not in those classes due to not having the mental energy or time to work that hard to get perfect scores, and do br honest, not the brain for it either. But I just felt like such a failure because I knew what I was capable of but I was always falling short of it and I had no idea why, once I figured it out it helped a lot to know why I was like this but it was still hard and took me a while to get to the point where I can just laugh off adhd stuff most of the time instead of hatint myself for it (I sometimes still get mad at myself for it but thats usually when I'm already upset) *enter* well when I was 12 i figured out i had it but it took until i was about 15 to get diagnosed with it because I told my school counselor (which at the time was the only way I could get diagnosed due to no insurance) and she said "I read too well to have adhd" and so I lost confidence in knowing I had adhd so I stopped pursuing it for a year and then I wanted to get mt autism diagnosed so I got that diagnosed and then once I got insurance I got adhd diagnosed and it was really garbage to get tested for because I had to when I heard a sound click a button and thats it basically and it was so boring and I just had to do that and one other boring task for 15-30 minutes (i can't remember), idk if it was worse because i was tested by the head of the adhd department who also tried to be my therapist but failed so they might have made it worse for me because I didn't want her as my therapist idk or was just meaner about it idk

Holly Smith

It wasn’t a thing when I was growing up. My mother really kept me on track (poor mom!) when I needed to be but allowed me to be creative. No one tried to figure out why I was the way I was. They all just kept picking up after me…and I’m not talking about socks on the floor. I knew I was smart, but I had a hard time articulating. Because I was bored easily, I knew how to entertain myself and drew others in by being the instigator of fun. I’m very creative and not afraid to fail. I’m a very slow reader so I’m thankful for audiobooks. I pick up on details that others miss (visual) yet I lose my keys and other things (keeping up with stuff is boring but did you notice Cindy’s nail polish matches her shoes? It’s stunning!) I function well in a crisis and can hyper focus to filter the chaos out and do what’s important. I was diagnosed in my early 50’s. I owned my own business (the exciting startup phase was over) and I was having a hard time managing things and getting things done. I got tested and was so relieved to find out I have ADHD. Because knowing means a path forward. Got coaching. Got meds. Got a routine (I try, but it’s hard!) I am aware of what gets me behind or distracted. I’m working with a business coach who teaches me to keep a positive mindset, play to my strengths, and hire people to do the things I hate doing. That and meds have changed my life for the better. Having a community like this is also valuable. No one else knows what it’s like to have a carnival in your brain while you’re trying to adult.

G. Lee King

What does your world look like with your ADHD? - Well, I've always thought of myself as NT. But a close relative is working towards a diagnosis, so I have been learning about it so I can be supportive. I'm a "heart", I guess you'd say. Thank you for your work, it's so helpful! Even for me, (supposedly) not being ADHD, I'm finding so much of your advice useful for me personally. Funny thing, the more I learn the more I see that most of my family and most of the people I like best are ADHD or ND. So now I'm having another look at myself .... I'm a massive list maker, if I don't know what prep to do for what's coming up I get really anxious. I work in a creative and intuitive branch of science, and I really enjoy that. I need social connection but I don't know how to find a group I can truly belong to. The gaming community appeals to me! but I'm over 60 so sometimes I feel a bit out of place (tho most gamers I know are very welcoming). What was it like growing up with it? Being an adult with it? - I was a rubbish school student, never did my homework, so boring, but when I had a "good exam" in a subject I liked I'd get into the zone and it would be like a huge fun adreniline-paced problem solving exercise. Very spotty marks, some fails, some fabulous. I dropped high-school Latin b/c hated the homework but at the same time I learned all this high-end linguistics from Tolkein LotR appendices, could write easily in both elvish script and dwraven runes. I'm very highly qualified but underemployed! How did you get diagnosed? When? What was the experience like? - well, I'm not, and neither is my family member who is seeking diagnosis. Since Covid the resources are overwhelmed.