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February 2023 | What is *your* unique ADHD life experience? (Be sure to read the description! 😄) (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-20 19:57:59
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Hello folks! 

We are back with another question for the book, where we hope to be able to use some quotes within the chapter itself! 

What do you mean it's not ADHD? (This is not the question, just a header 😉)

We all have different lives, from different socioeconomic statuses to cultures, and more. Many times, these intersect with the ADHD experience, and it can give us a unique life experience specific to our individual lives. For better or for worse. 

The chapter will cover ADHD and its various intersectionalities with other things (I.e. conditions/race/culture/gender/sexuality/etc), but it can't be done alone. 

For example, the Jess experience isn't the same as the Stacy Michelle experience. 

And this is where we need your help. We want to know (so be sure to comment below!)... 

What has your unique ADHD life experience been like? What would you like people to know regarding ADHD and any intersectionalities that you have experienced (or even still experience to this day)?

Before you answer, keep these in mind: 

1. Try to keep answers down to a couple paragraphs if possible. Longer answers, if used, may get edited to be short enough to fit into the book. 🧡2. We know some stories may be too personal, so if you don't want your story quoted directly but you don't mind Jessica keeping it in mind as she works on the rest of the chapter, or you don't mind Jessica vaguely referencing it without going into any identifiable detail, be sure to let us know! 

3. If you aren't comfortable sharing the story via a comment that's totally fine, you can DM your story to us here on Patreon. 

4. Let us know how you'd like to be quoted if you're comfortable with us directly quoting you in the book. Yes, you can be anonymous! 

If you have any further questions let us know! 

Thank you so much for all your insight and input thus far. It's been incredible reading all the different experiences had around the world. 😊

🧡 The How to ADHD Team

Comments

Allie Cumming

I’m undiagnosed and I’m not likely to be. I’m in Scotland and when I mentioned it to my mental health professional last year she said that because I have MS and its brain fog, etc. and I have BPD with all of the brain issues, I’m unlikely to be diagnosed. Me and my partner believe I have ADHD so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I’ll just have to be satisfied with that 🙄😞

John Yearwood

from John Yearwood, author, Austin TX. I'm 75. You may use any or all of this that you need. I noticed decades ago that my life was different from other people's. For example, if a group of us decide to cross a field and we all enter at the same time, they walk in a more or less straight line across the field. I run all over the field from fence to fence looking at everything. We may all get to the far fence at the same time, but I'm exhausted but they've just enjoyed a restorative constitutional stroll. I once took a test for ADHD at my psychologist's office because, as a teacher, I thought I could self-diagnose but just wanted to verify. The test was to see whether I could follow a string of prompts on a computer screen. It included a speed reaction time test, whose purpose I still don't understand. At the end, my psych told me I didn't have ADHD. She was wrong. What I had was hyper focus that I've needed so I could survive, and that's why I could "pass" her little computer game. Ultimately, I was in my 70's before anyone took me seriously, and yet I have every symptom Jess has described in her podcast. In my case, however, they don't prescribe meds to persons of my age, so I do what I've done my whole life. I self-medicate with coffee. When I owned a newspaper, I drank 18-27 cups of coffee every day. This is not good for you, by the way. Don't try it at home. And I also ended up on blood pressure meds, in addition to experiencing some paranoid episodes. I often watch Jessica and wonder how much easier my life could have been if I had not had to fight so hard and work so long to accomplish simple goals. Still, I have a PhD and I've written five novels since I retired in 2011, so there's that. But almost every word of the 700,000 or so in those novels was written after everyone else (including the dog) was sound asleep and the world was quiet. Even a tiny distraction, and I'm lost in (as my wife puts it) "John-land." It's effing hard, but I refuse to give up. I persevere. I know I am not normal and I never will be now, but I'm so glad I stumbled across "How To ADHD" because at least now I know I'm not the only one to be horsewhipped through life. Thanks, guys. Good work.

Angie

My unique ADHD experience is being timeblind while also having precise chronoception (sense of time). For example, I'm really good at knowing how much time has passed, but my sense of estimating the reasonable time to complete a task is flawed; so I'm still late basically all the time. To correct it, I have to grossly overestimate and run the risk of being bored when I'm early 😅 *This can be used in the book and 'Angie T' as the name.

Julia Gregoire

I'm Julia, 35 and you can use any/all of this: My experience is that I didn't get diagnosed until later in life. I was doing group therapy for people with Trauma and people noticed that there is a lot of overlap in people who have ADHD/Depression/Anxiety and Trauma. A lot of the symptoms I was struggling with (inability to focus, internally restless, anxious) I attributed to my anxiety and trauma, but once I investigated ADHD, and got diagnosed, I finally realized that my untreated ADHD is what was causing a lot of my persistent symptoms. Being treated for my ADHD has helped lessen my symptoms, and has given me a new framework to view my experiences through, and to get supports for myself.

Todd Holdsworth

Spent 10 years playing with diet, sleep and exercise to 'fix' my lethargy at first, then my 'brain fog'. Research led me to HTADHD and a diagnosis at 41. My ADHD feels like a physically-derived depression. The happier my body is, the happier my mind is and the more I can focus. So I discovered while on my ADHD meds that I'm a very anxious person, and exercise (with proper sleep and diet) is the best management of ADHD, and starting Taekwondo has helped immensely. Thanks to Jess's influence I've held a talk to hundreds of people at work, and now lead a group of 35 brains and hearts there, making them feel heard, seen and completely accepted. I'm 44 and you can use my full name and quote all of this 😊

Selphis

Koen Smeulders, 33, Belgium. All good to use and quote. As a kid I was told I was 'gifted'. So naturally everyone expected me to do great in school. But then school turned into memorizing loads of stuff and getting penalized for the tiniest mistakes. Language classes aren't about actually speaking a language, they're only about spelling and grammar. STEM classes aren't about understanding concepts, they're about memorizing formulas and following rules. So yeah. I didn't do well in school. Memorizing stuff without really knowing why doesn't motivate me. Blindly working along the rules doesn't excite me... I also didn't know I had ADHD at the time. Just a 'gifted' child who's apparently not smart enough. You know how people tend to look back and remark that their school days were the best times they ever had? They were not my best times. I hated school. (Also socially, but that's probably more my autism story) I was lucky to drift towards IT and programming. Blocks of code are not abstract, you know what they do. I got excited again and for my first assignment in college, my professor remarked that grading my project took a long time because I had decided to code a game of mastermind from scratch, just because I thought it would be fun to do. Still working in IT to this day and I love it every time a new problem comes up when I can just think for a few minutes and can come up with a solution while other people are still talking about the problem. (Sorry for making this a bit long, feel free to edit out the useless bits if you want to use it 😉)

Erin Quinn

Learning that I have ADHD later in life has helped me to reframe my differences from "shortcomings that I just need to improve because everyone can do that", to challenges that I can problem solve without character assassination. As a woman with inattentive ADHD, it would help those like me to understand their symptoms as soon as possible. This could mean teacher education at the degree level as well as professional development and parent information programs. It would be great if there were parenting support groups to help advocate for neuro diverse parents and their kids. There needs to be more support for parents with neuro diversity; especially in areas where we are known to struggle, such as finances and time management. Mothers (all mothers) experience motherhood as a meteorite to their careers (traditional, statistically), where fathers are not so impeded. With ADHD, we may additionally struggle to manage upholding our careers and parenting, re-entering the workforce, maintaining relevance in selected expertise, etc. This isn't a measure in intersectionality, but is likely an area that would take little time to evidence that there is a tremendous impact. You can use my name - feel free to edit. Thank you for asking.

Ryan Snead

I uh...don't know how to be concise. I put my response in a DM to HowToADHD talking about my relationship with my spouse and their two ideals when we met. Only one of the ideals is ADHD-friendly although both are commendable ideals rooted in radical togetherness, growth, and love. See what I mean about not being naturally concise?

Kathy Felker

I am a 71 year old woman. I always knew I was different than the other kids but never understood why. No one ever told me I was good or bad at

Joseph C Whitaker

I'm a 42-year-old website programmer. I have coached my manager on how to best manage me because of my ADHD. I've put a multicolor light on top of my monitor to warn my coworkers. For example, if it is red, I'm hyperfocused so they don't interrupt me. I've encouraged them to email me unimportant questions that I can answer at the end of the day or IM me if it is something more important but not emergent. They can interrupt me if the building is on fire or someone needs first-aid. If it is a different color, I'm not hyperfocused and can be interrupted based on the different colors.

Kathy Felker

OH.... sorry.... to contimue. I am a 71 year old woman. I always knew I was different than the other kids but never understood why. No one ever told me I was good or bad at anything. I liked school, and through OCD and perfectionism, somehow I made it through college. Then a series of disastrous relaltionships and jobs. Then there was way too much impulsive behavior like maxing out credit cards which led to bankruptcy (twice). I just thought it was all my fault for being so bad. Since then I have owned my own business which turned out to be best for me, giving me the constant challenge I apparently need. I also ate too much and was obese. Someone said they don't treat old folks like us, but that is not true here. I also have comorbid anxiety and finally called my primary care doctor (a nurse practioner) because the anxiety was getting too much. That was in March of 2022 when I was 70 years old. Right away she said ADHD / Anxiety and boy was she right. I devoured Jessica's videos, not knowing anything about ADHD. I tried a few meds and studied everything I could get my hands on. A few months ago I asked to try Vyvanse. I needed the whole 70mg but WOW! what a difference. I can focus on working all day and getting my orders completed on time. I'm missing all those rabbit holes, but now I can choose when to take that route. I am so much calmer, lots less emotional and easily upset. It seems to slow me down, just giving me time to make better decisions. This in turn reduces the anxiety significantly. I'm still a work in progress, but glad to be past the initial grief and acceptance. Now I know it is up to me to handle these issues, that I am not a bad person, and that I am not alone, thanks to content creators like Jessica.

Kathy Felker

Use any of my story you want, and edit as needed. My name is fine to use.

Diane Welsh

I don’t understand the question.

Melissa O

I know this is long. take what you need, leave what you don't, and catch you further on down the road. Melissa, 32, F, If you think some part can help someone, use it. Thinking back on my childhood and growing up, a familiar tune was “If she applied herself more”, or “if she didn't leave it to last minute”. I think I actually ruined a friendship by inviting a friend to the cottage we rented and had the habit of changing activities every 30-60 minutes. When I would find an activity that held my attention there was never enough time. I would research ways to improve it, get better at it, or find better tools (and this would often involve several costly purchases). I was 26 when I first learned about my ADHD. I talked with a Psychiatrist a bit about it, tried some meds that I don't think did much, and was soon off of because it was advised not to be on them during pregnancy. It seems quite comical to me now, but I did essentially forget that I had ADHD. I was simply flaky, forgetful, adventurous, hap hazard, A-type, messy, and hormonal. These where all explanations I gave myself, no one really gave them to me. Of course it helped that I didn't fully understand my predicament back then, I deeply misunderstood the depth to which it encompassed my life until much later when I had baby 2. Constantly being pulled away from tasks meant many things got left behind mid task or completely forgotten. Wrangling a baby and a now attention starved 4yo left me drained for getting to/back to mundane tasks. My well meaning husband tried to help, “just get it done”, “stop and make sure you've finished cleaning it up” and similar statements of things that worked for him was the chorus of our first 5 years. These novel ideas and some unique hacks I kept finding online would go a long way to inspire me... for a week. Then same old lazy procrastinating behavior would set in, even if I'd done something a month day 32 would be almost as if I'd never started, until id “rediscover” it and latch on like it would solve everything. Since “rediscovering” my ADHD last June, I began avidly researching my brain type starting among Dr. Russel Barkley's material from 10 years ago (I do love a good bit of Psychology) and eventually stumbled upon “how to ADHD”. I still seek multiple sources for my ADHD help, and am gearing up to start seeing a psychiatrist to discuss medications and help me work on reworking my thinking to the way my brain is wired. How to ADHD has helped me in accepting myself, standing up for myself, and working on myself with amazing tools. I got dry erase boards for notes, month calendar, and week calendar, I have stared employing the bullet journal (I don't feel like I'm failing when I miss a day and there is now a page forever unused), and try to rework my house to be ADHD friendly. My husband says what I need for something doesn't have to be stored right near that something but Point Of Performance really does help to keep from getting distracted. (still left coffee halfway made because of email notification of new “How to ADHD” post) All this said, My ADHD is a huge part of all the wonderful things I am. It's why I grow and thrive learning new skills. It's how I can adapt amazingly well to change after the initial shock, and how the bullheaded opposition transforms into tenacity to not just learn but become good at “Insert New Thing” I'm going to go finish setting up the coffee for tomorrow now, programable coffee makers for the win.

Stephen Opipari

use any of this story as you want. I just passed my 50th birthday 2 weeks back and was only just diagnosed with ADHD - Inattentive presentation and have only just started medication for it. It's not even to the point where i can say it's helping since I just got bumped to 40mg of Vyvance yesterday (first pill this AM) and we're still tweaking. My entire life I was pretty much led to believe that I was just lazy when I was in school and always got that entire 'so smart, but so lazy' thing when I brought home low grades. Thinking back on it now, It's because it literally hurt my brain to do homework, just like it hurts my brain now when I get bored with a job. I skipped college because I thought it was SO boring and went straight to working in the computer field eventually bouncing into the sales side cause it's usually fresh and interesting. I've always joked that I must have ADHD since I would buy new technology constantly, I've never owned a cell phone more than a year. I've never owned a car more than 2.5 or so or a job more than 3 (except one case where I bounced positions internally for a good while). I get bored...and go do something to change things and get something new and exciting. My fiancé calls my ability to just take care of problems the GSD or 'Get Sh*t Done', but I realize now that it's the ADHD taking a challenge and going 'YAY, DOPAMINE!' to approach the problem since it's usually something that interests me. I've always been kind of flaky and forgetful. My ex and my current fiancé just jokingly call it the CRS or Can't Remember Sh*t. The best way I now explain it is from one of the How to ADHD videos. I don't have enough RAM and stuff just falls out of memory so new information can come in. All this came to a head last year when I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety which I've had my whole life. Once I got put on anxiety meds, i mentally crashed and had become unable to do anything. Even stuff I enjoy doing became just a fuzz of brain fog. Work became epically difficult unless I had a stress deadline, then I found How to ADHD and the motivation bridge. Things started clicking that oh damn...I don't think it's anxiety, or just anxiety anyway. So I went back to my doctor and was like, I think I might have ADHD. She was like...yeah, I can see that after I spoke to her and they sent me for full testing which came back positive...really positive. In fact I'm still fascinated by the testing itself since I went full hyperfocus on one of the computer based tests that is a rubric problem solver and I like aced that portion. But the report also made me feel like a little kid being told how dumb they are. Really wish the psychiatrists would work on their wording of those reports with adults... Anyway, to the main question. I really wish that socially that teachers, doctors, employers, managers, would be taught about neurodiversity more just so they can maybe help recognize these things. For teachers and doctors...so that it can be diagnosed. For employers, so they can play to our strengths when they get us engaged. My current manager knows I have ADHD...his wife is a counselor for kids with it so I knew it was a safe space. And he has made a push to discuss career planning at my company to make sure I can stay engaged, and grow at the company. I wish all managers were like that in general...neurodivergent or not. But it's especially appreciated in my case. I'm just hoping now that we're figuring out medication that I can get rid of the brain fog and focus paralysis so I can work more effectively on what I do for a living.

Jeremy Kermott

I was labeled a daydreamer in first grade, but school was important to me, so tried and tried to keep tuning my wandering attention back to the lessons. If the topic was interesting to me, it was easier, but my mind would often still go down rabbit trails. I would forget to do my homework at home, then finish it up on the bus in elementary school or in passing periods between classes in junior high and high school. College was one struggle after another, because the same methods didn't work. I thought that if I found "the right thing", everything would be easy. After 5 colleges and 5 different majors, about 9 years of undergrad studies, but no degree. In my working career, I only seemed to do well in roles that didn't require long periods of sustained attention. I did fine as retail sales associate, office aide, math tutor, tech support representative; I even excelled as trainer to others in retail and tech support. But when I tried positions of responsibility, like retail management and technology administrator, I floundered because I couldn't maintain focus...I couldn't keep track of what I was doing. It had nothing to do with my level of skill or knowledge, but everything to do with maintaining attention. I know that my inability to follow through was also an issue in my family life. It was working with other people who were open about their ADHD diagnosis, and realizing the similarities between my struggles and theirs, that I began to suspect that I had ADHD, too. They performed better than me, and that was because they were on medication and had learned skills to help with their ADHD traits. Still, I didn't get a diagnosis until anxiety from work changes had me at my breaking point. I finally got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD at 45 years old, while going through counseling for severe anxiety. I'm now on medication that works great for me...able to manage my attention way better than I did before. My marriage didn't last, but I'm stepping up with co-parenting as a single dad. My tech career is finally to the next level, and hopefully I can keep progressing. The best part is that I finally understand myself and know why I had struggled the way I did, and am figuring out ways to manage my ADHD better. -JD (Inattentive, Dx @ age 45 in 2020)

David Hayes

I'm Mexican-American and a cishet male. I was miserable in elementary school, the classic "could do so much better if he applied himself" student that struggled with resentful teachers. Was diagnosed in 3rd grade, but my parents felt like I shouldn't be medically treated. They also felt that sharing it with my school or teachers would mostly have resulted in discrimination rather than useful help (it was the 80s). They tried working with me to develop strategies to cope. My school life continued in that vein: As and Bs and Cs and struggling to keep up, but in honors classes and graduated top 10%. My in-major GPA in college was nothing to write home about; I dropped out for a semester from the strain, but got my undergrad in five years. I found out later that I'm a classic "twice exceptional" student. Work was another story -- I did great at my job, eventually worked at Google as a software engineer. As a software engineer, I could play to my strengths as an intellectual generalist with (hyperfocused) skillsets that were valuable to my career. Researching ADHD as an adult, I think I've benefited from that "ADHD sparkle" and I've leaned into that, turning my enthusiasm about my interests into an infectious energy that I can sweep other people up with.

Sabrina L. Nelson

Hi, Jessica. I hope it’s not too late to add my story. I’m 67, female, straight, married. I discovered I had ADHD about 3 years ago. I’ve been in therapy on and off since age 21. I started because of severe anxiety, depression, and anger. I’d always had problems completing classes in college, taking tests, and studying. It took me 20 years to finish my BA, and I blamed it on being poor, but that was not the only thing going on. I moved to CA from Boston to get married, and I credited my success in school to having a more stable and positive home life. It certainly helped but school and work were still struggles. I accidentally found myself teaching and discovered I loved it more than anything else I’d ever done. I went on to get two masters degrees and up until COVID I’d cobbled together a full time job from being an adjunct professor at a couple of schools. My professional life was great but I was still disorganized, forgetful, and easily overwhelmed or frustrated. My house was a mess, I’d have to buy things to replace what I lost and then I’d find them later. I couldn’t read. Here I was an English professor and I couldn’t read more than a paragraph before my mind wandered or I fell asleep. When COVID hit and I was stuck at home, I’d have anxiety attacks. Long talks with my therapist had finally helped me understand I had ADHD, PTSD from an unstable and violent childhood, anxiety and depression. I now take Adderal, Buspar, and lexapro. I continue in therapy and I am learning new things about myself every day. I’m more tolerant of myself and less frustrated with losing things, etc. I realized that probably my mom had ADHD. I discovered that I learned how to mask and appear “normal” at a very early age and just thought this was the way girls behaved in order to fit in. There’s quite a bit more to this story but I know you probably have hundreds of stories like this. Anyway, hope this helps with your book and let me know if you want to know more.

Angie

I would add to my other story (about being timeblind with precise chronoception) that being diagnosed as an adult can be really difficult. There seems to be a lot of medical misconception that ADHD "resolves" by adulthood and honestly, that feels like a lazy way to say, "I don't want to spend the time diagnosing you accurately." I count myself lucky that I was diagnosed in the perfect circumstances after my son (7 at that time) was diagnosed a week before I received my own diagnosis. Since then, I've seen others struggle to get an adult diagnosis because they weren't diagnosed as children. I encourage anyone with a minor child for whom ADHD is suspected to seek diagnosis. It isn't a label at all -- it's a gift! Everyone has challenges in life, but a road map and a guide for overcoming obstacles isn't as common. Having a diagnosis is that road map; not having a diagnosis means having all the obstacles, but missing the road map.